Beware of Women’s Rights (And Lefts)

There’s one question that I’ve struggled with over the years. Probably the most confusing issue that whenever it comes up, I just don’t know the answer. There is no more confusing of a question.

Actually, I’m lying.  As Rufus Jackson discovered on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire when misfortune reared it’s ugly head on the very first question of the night, there is one age old question that keeps Skip Gates, Dr. Cornell West, Michael Eric Dyson, Flava Flav and the greatest of African-American thinkers puzzled…

 

 

If you missed that episode, wild Rufus used up every single lifeline on this, the very first question.   Called up his boy who said “You on your own, Playboy”, the audience voted 25% for each answer but 90% refused to answer the question and when he asked to eliminate 2 answers, the producer screamed from the back “Hey man, we just gonna eliminate 3 on the next question.  Cool?”   They ran out of time for the evening and the next morning, Rufus didn’t show up.  Instead he filed a law suit claiming “racially biased insensitive misconduct,…and cheatin'”, claiming they asked a million dollar difficulty level question on the 10 dollar question.  Anyway, its still in the courts, but I digress.

The real question that I was pondering was is there ever a time when men hitting women is justified?   Clearly, the answer is different  depending on the dude you ask.   Cats always talk about if there’s a bunch of them beating you up…  Look man, if you’re attacked, there’s a lot of them, she’s holding some wild sharp weapon or a hot pot of grits, I get it.  Do what you must to avoid being Al “Hot Grits on My Face” Green.  For me, I’m a tall dude in pretty good shape, I feel like I can escape most situations without having to lay hands on any nicc/ll/ppessez* (copywritten/trademarked by Ol Bertie Brown from the comments).    I’m more talking about the dude who is the clear aggressor, he ain’t been hit yet, he’s not defending, he’s attacking.    I can’t see it. I can’t find the answer to the question of “when is that right?”

I’ll tell you this though.  If that is YOU and you like to go around slapping your chick because she’s missed a step at the party…

 

 

…you need to take into consideration one thing….  Women’s rights.  And by that I mean women’s right hooks, jabs, uppercuts and forearms. They ain’t playing anymore. Let’s just back up.  Luigi up in that video thought it was fine to just wax on, wax off, wax on slap up his ol lady on the dance floor to tighten her up, and then they’d get back to bagpipe lindying to some wild Kazakhstan music played while the credits were rolling at the end of Borat???   Nobody in the place could stay on beat.  Speedy Gonzalez, The Flash and Dash Incredible would have had trouble keeping up.   Anyway.  In this day and age, if you are thinking about coming with that Clark Gable slap a chick, you better be ready to be caught like homey ponytail…

 

 

If you go around smashing people’s pumpkins, this couuuuld happen to you.   And if you do decide to come with the slappittees, you better not turn your back on the lady.   She just might have been in the gym and you might find yourself counting sheep…

 

 

You know this cat was mad.  This choking out was not consensual.   In his mind he was like “I can’t believe this bish choked me out on my show…….and there’s NOTHING I can do about it.”  And finally, that guy that is going for more than the slap.  Nothing is better than seeing him get what he deserves by the intended victim.  Now, I don’t know what this next guy wanted, but he certainly didn’t get it.

 

 

She put the beats on this dude.   There’s actually a lesson in that for all of us.  Women, take some self defense lessons.  Even if you don’t apply the techniques correctly when the situations arises, you’ll have some confidence in fighting back.  For the rest us, if a cat gets on the elevator rocking a pulled down hat, thick jacket…and bare feet.  Unless it’s somebody in your family, just exit the elevator immediately.

So take it from these unfortunate representatives of Team Them…..Stay clear of those women’s rights!

 

– Mike

Man Up Monday: More Man Up Medley

There is just too much out there tonight. Like is said on the UvT Twitter Feed, I don’t know how I’m going to get to it all. Let’s start with Herman Cain. Like my boy Mike Lawry said:

I thought Herman Cain was going Tiger Woods there for a second. His old women were coming out of the woodwork. A woman accused him of sexual harassment. Big Daddy Cain called B.S. and kept it moving. Another woman said he rubbed her high thigh in the back of a limo and implied she could exchange sex for a job, Cain’t Touch This said “hail naw chick, you can’t prove nothin”. But when they found this chick Ginger White…

Herman Cain was like “Who’s talking junk now? Who? Ginger White. Y’all found Ginger? You know what? I don’t want to be President anymore. I’m out.”

I guess after Herman had a 13 year “friendship” with Ginger here, he wasn’t really ready to answer any more questions about the matter. This chick shut down a PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN. What the hell does she know? Whatever it is, Herman sure as hell didn’t want to talk about it. He’s out. He shoulda known too. You can’t have a side chick named Ginger White. That just sounds like a chick tryin to set you up. Herman, it might be too late to Man Up on this one. If this one was a UFC Fight, Herman Cain just tapped out. That choke must have been locked in a lot tighter than we thought.

Speaking of a choke being locked in tight, did you see that Jonny ‘Bones’ Jones vs. Lyoto Machida fight? Here’s how it ended.

My man choked him out with pure, brute strength. [gif from the good people at Iron Forges Iron] That was that no tap out choke. As bad as that looked, it wasn’t the craziest thing that happened Saturday night. Frank “Tap or Snap” Mir also got a hold of “Big Nog” Nogueira. Mir was in trouble when he was able to drag Big Nog to the ground, from there it was classic Frank Mir big man jiu jitsu. Here’s a tip. When a 265 pound man has your arm twisted behind your back, if you try once or twice and it doesn’t seem like you are gonna get out…you might want to tap on out. Otherwise you end up with this:

Not really what you want as a fighter. We know you are tough, no need to be that dude laying in the ring for an extra 15 minutes while they hook you up with a bootleg splint. Man Up and tap out. No need to lose an arm over it.

Here’s a quick shot. Congratulations to Baylor QB, Robert Griffin III, on winning the Heisman.

Two quick things though. Man Up on that hair. I’m a firm believer that a man should get his hair “cut”, not “done”. Second, Man Up for thinking these socks were a good idea.

Really? The sock cape? Even Clark Kent thinks those are terrible.

RG3. Man Up on that one. Those are turrible.

Finally, Man Up to the fans of the St. Louis Cardinals. I know you think Albert Pujols left for money.

Here’s a secret. If a dude slides out to some crappy team to clock an additional $2 Million, maybe $4 Million (looking at you Pudge Rodriguez) you might have an argument. When a guy leaves for an extra $52 MILLION, let me do that with the zeroes so you know how much money that is…that’s $52,000,000.00. That’s about so much money, it’s not even about the money anymore. That becomes about personal pride and not being an idiot. Because if you walk away from $52 Million, you are, in fact, an idiot. He had to do it…let it go.

So Herman Cain, Lyoto Machida, and Minotauro Nogueira, and Robert Griffin III, and the people of St. Louis…MAN UP!

-Brock

 

Kimbo Slice Finally Does Something Impressive in the Ring

There was a time when Kimbo Slice was a first ballot member of Team Us. The guy got famous for coming to your house to whoop your ass in your own backyard. I mean how accommodating is that? He’s the famous one. He’s the one with something to lose. But if you had $1,000 and lived in the greater Miami area, he’d drop on by. Like this dude figures out in about 30 seconds he doesn’t want none of Kimbo Slice.

Then Kimbo made a few mistakes. He hooked up with Dana White and the UFC. Kimbo thought he was the baddest man alive until Dana White put him inside of that Octagon. Kimbo started trying to make sure his jiu jitsu was effective instead of walking into the ring and swinging for the fences. Somehow the UFC was able to stretch Kimbo getting his ass kicked 3 times and a knee injury into an entire season of teasers. Remember when he got knocked out by Seth Petruzelli? Or Roy Nelson?

So Kimbo got kicked out of MMA and apparently has found out boxing might be more in line with his particular skill set. I don’t know if this dude is a has been like Mickey from Rocky used to say. But Kimbo got all of this one.

That’s the Kimbo I’ve been wanting to see in the ring for years. Nothing like a good knockout. I wouldn’t put him in the ring with someone who knew what they were doing though. Until then, Kimbo will be a great boxing side show. If Kimbo was gonna fight someone near my house and I could pay less than $40 to see him fight…I’d go check it out. Sure, it might be in a venue I could potentially have to fight back out of, but I know Kimbo has my back.

I hope Kimbo has a few more knockouts in him.

-Brock

Man Up Monday: So Many Punks So Little Time

I don’t have a single crew for Man Up Monday this week, I’ve got a whole crew of ‘em .  I’ve got to start with the Atlanta Hawks though.  There are a few times in sports when “pros” are now performing professionally.  This is one of those times.  When Orlando beat the hell out of Charlotte, that seemed to be because Charlotte just sucked.  The Hawks look like they don’t even want to be there.

They just got blown the hell out of their own building and are prepared to get swept tomorrow night.  Orlando hasn’t lost a playoff game yet, and they look focused on trying to get that Championship after losing to the Lakers in the finals last year.  It is pretty filthy too.  Dwight Howard is just getting loose.  He’s going baseline:

He’s catching alley-oops.

Orlando might get another week and a half off waiting for the last three games of that Cleveland-Boston series.

San Antonio was on the Man Up Monday list early this weekend.  The Spurs were down 3-0 and making it look like the conventional wisdom of “veterans can turn it on when it matters” is just a bunch of B.S.  But then then he caught that playoff elbow from Tim Duncan.

I guess it is better to get a cut above the eye is better than going out like Hasim Rahman.  So San Antonio is manning up as I type this, we will see if they can hold on for another quarter to close it out.  Amare and Los Suns need to give them a little more of this:

And close it out.  The Lakers are going to be waiting for the winner of this one, and Phoenix needs the time off.  They don’t need to be threatened by the Spurs since the Suns haven’t been able to close those dudes out…uuuuuhhh…ever.

Update, there it is, Amare just got a playoff foul on George Hill.  When he hit him in the head with his knee on a block.  That will make you foggy.

The next Man Up goes to Paul Daley.  He was a badass dude talking a lot of Sh*t in the UFC before he got to fight Josh Koscheck for a title shot at GSP.  Well, Daley lost and here is the end of the fight.

See, once that final bell rings, that punch changes from a sport…to assault.  Walking up behind someone to throw a real punch.  There was bad intention behind that one.  This is after Daley went with the always classy “pretend like you are going to touch gloves and throw a punch instead, and the illegal knee when you opponent is down.  Dana White promptly retired him from the UFC after that one.  He got punked and pinned to the fence by that big ass ref too.

Koscheck gets positively DESTROYED by GSP by the way.

Finally there is Kimbo Slice.  He went from baddest dude in the streets to flat on his back getting that ass whooped.

Sad.  He got retired too.  Gotta love the UFC.  Dana White runs a constant playoffs mentality.  Win or go home.

So Atlanta Hawks, San Antonio Spurs, Paul Daley and Kimbo Slice…MAN UP!

-Brock

Man Up Monday: Brock’s Choice

First of All, I’m going to start by telling all the haters to Man Up.  Duke is back in the Final Four.

So break out the conspiracy theories about the easy bracket, add a layer of “who the NCAA wants to win”, and rub it down with some Coach K is in the with refs, and put some “I hate Duke” on top because we’re back in.  I’m not going to lie, I still feel like this team is a bit underwhelming, but wins are wins, four in a row get you into the final 4.  I’ll take it.  I wish we were on the bum side of the bracket with Michigan State and Butler, but I’ll still take it.

Second Man Up to all the people in the Us Versus Them Tourney Challenge.  Ya Boy Brock takes the top spot into the final weekend.  I don’t have a lot of points left, but I’ll take the opportunity to talk shit during my time on top.  Defending champ Rosy_F is out of points and done at this point so we will have a new champ.  I have Kansas winning it all, (I know, I know.  I’ve been damaged by underwhelming Duke teams in the past, what do you want from me?) so there is lots of opportunity for people to pass me, but for now suck it bitches!

Man Up to Frank Mir.  I mean damn, I actually feel bad for the dude.

He worked hard, tried to change the game, literally got his weight up and stacked on 30+ pounds of pure muscle and still caught a heavy handed beat down.  I mean Carwin finally caught him with a nasty uppercut that dropped him hard.  The big boys of the Heavyweight division are really big.  If you aren’t 265 you might as well not even show up and if you aren’t the “I walk around at 285″ version of 265, you might want to think twice.  Brock and Carwin are backing me up in the argument that the UFC Heavyweight champ is the baddest man on the planet.  Those dudes can pretty much whoop anyone’s ass in the world.  Real monsters.

While I’m on the subject, Dan Hardy, who actually lost to GSP this weekend might be the toughest dude out.  I might stop telling people to Man Up every week and just start telling them to Dan Hardy.  Dan Hardy was in some nasty arm bars and he never tapped.  I mean he was willing to let his arm be broken before he tapped.  I credit a little bit of it to the fact that I don’t think GSP is a guy who would actually break an arm, but those locks were still pretty tight. Dan hardy goes hard.

Man Up to the Republican Party.

I know NONE of you agree with the health care bill.  I know you REALLY didn’t want it to pass.  I understand you are mad, but damn, use it to get some votes and see if the people agree with you in November.  You are really starting to just make your party look crazy.

Oh and by the way, the Tea Party is becoming the face of your party.  I know they try to pretend like they aren’t but most of those people are just racist.  When people are spitting on Black representatives and yelling homophobic slurs during a health care protest, I’m pretty sure they are reverting back to their core beliefs.  Oh and Sarah Palin is right in the middle of it whipping up the troops.  You all just look bitter.  Stop it.  It’s unbecoming.

Man Up!

-Brock

Old School UFC

The UFC has the first really good card in a while coming up this weekend.  There are finally some belts on the line, and the match-ups are actually really interesting.

They actually have done a good job making it seem like Dan Hardy is going to match up well with Georges St. Pierre, but he’s really not that good of a match-up and GSP is going to dominate him.  The battle for the Heavyweight championship fight is actually the really good one.  Carwin looks like the real deal and has been putting people to sleep in less than 3 minutes.  Frank Mir was a certified phenom before he got into that motorcycle wreck and seems to have found his mojo after he caught that beatdown from the bigger stronger Brock Lesnar.

But this isn’t about the refined, big ticket UFC, we’ve got to go back to the old school when the UFC was all about testing different styles.  But my favorite test has to be regular guy vs. big fat dude.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zhQb_nkR0U

Or even better, big fat dude who wins by just sitting on top of the other guy.

I’ve never seen the smother out.

-Brock

Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me About This?!?!

Have you seen this?

ufcfightnightgomi

no, not the fights, they kinda suck.  Florian is a good fighter, but Gomi better bring his A-Game because Florian rips through any lightweight without a belt around his waist.  Then Nelson is just a fatboy who isn’t terribly exciting to watch.  You’ve got to take a look in the bottom right corner.  That is where you find this:

logo-bojangles

Why didn’t anyone tell me there was a Bojangles Coliseum?  Is it filled with deliciousness?  I have to assume it is.  As a dude that spent some time in the South, let me tell you Bojangles really brings the heat.

bojangles07

I’ll be honest the chicken isn’t as good as Popeye’s.  But the fries have a special seasoning that is killer and they serve sweet tea (one of my personal vices) in three sizes.  Small, Medium, and “Big Bo”.  How do you not love a place with the Big Bo?  I feel like if I love Bojangles, the Bojangles Coliseum must be my Valhalla.

Road Trip?

-Brock

Anderson Silva Vs. the UFC

Anderson Silva might just be the baddest man on the planet.

anderson-silva

The guy dropped into the UFC kicking ass, and hasn’t lost yet.  Small fast dudes?  Ass-whoopin.  Big strong dudes?  First round knockouts.  The guy is untouchable.  That is what makes this video hilarious.

andersonsilvatang

I love the internets.

-Brock