Chris Brown is the Softest Thug Out

Chris Brown is hurting right now.  Remember when this kid was on top?

He couldn’t lose.  Do you remember Run it?  He was killing it.  He was dancing, smiling, on guest tracks, he was winning.  I’m pretty sure he was the first guy with a skull tattooed on his hand to be a Doublemint spokesperson. Side note, I wonder if both of these dudes had to fight with ol girl to make sure they didn’t end up being the “Juicy Fruit” rep.  But I digress.

Now everyone wants to make Chris out to be a thug.  Don’t get me wrong, a dude who hits a woman is always wrong.  Chris Brown has been paying the price for the last two years and he’s still paying the price.  That is the downside of having young girls as your fans, their parents aren’t gonna buy them your album after you beat down America’s sweetheart.  The album he put out last year completely bombed.  I’m talking no sales.  He was getting pissed off the stores weren’t even carrying it, much less selling it.  After the Rihanna incident, no one could let Chris slide.  Plus, everyone has a different picture of him in their heads right now.

My bad, wrong pic.

See , Chris can’t look mean if he wants to.  You just can’t get mad at a dude in an aquamarine sweater and matching bowtie.  Lake hit me up yesterday and said that he had indisputable evidence that Chris Brown is not a thug.  No matter what you want to say about Chris Lake found the silver bullet.  He finally found something to clean up his reputation.  His evidence?  The new song Yeah 3x.

And I’m pretty sure Lake hasn’t even seen the video yet.

Yeah, that isn’t helping his cause.  Especially that salmon jacket and white shorts combo he’s rocking at the end.

I have to admit I actually felt bad for Chris when I heard Deuces for the first time.  That was the first track where I knew Chris was screwed because prior to the Incident that song would have been #1 without question.  This time it took a while and a hot ass remix for it to gain popularity.  But even then, people are still trying to hide their kids and hide their wife because Chris Brown is taking smiley pictures with everybody out here.

Chris will be back to doing man on man R&B duets in no time.  And rocking bowties.

Look, give the kid a break.  He fell for a devil.

A sexy fiendish little devil.  Damn.

At least he got a few wins in first.

Cut the kid a break.  Deuces remix is hot.  Run that shit.

-Brock

Slanguistics: Strictly for My People

labels are flying everywhere these days, be careful

Now listen up UvT nation, I know most of y’all are with Us, but there’s a few of you out there, I won’t name names, who still kinda ride with Them from time to time. And with the coming administration, the opportunities abound for any number of slip-ups with regards to down-ness and the like — stuff like my ‘Nillas out there using the N word. AHNT. So as a public service, and in order to help prevent any more faux pas, I’ve put together a little packet on the varying degrees of formality with which one addresses his people.

My Dogg:
Conveys the highest degree of affection, often heard several drinks into a late night between guys who aren’t getting laid: “this guy right here? this is my dogg!” Also used to convey feeling of affection towards somebody whom the speaker does not know but wishes he does: “You see the way Garnett screamed at the camera? That’s my dogg.”

Quoth Jay-Z: sensitive thugs, they all need hugs.

My Dude:
Used almost exclusively in person-to-person interactions, and generally used to convey affection or a comrade-like mutual respect. Often used as a greeting: “what up, my dude.”

My Boy:
Used when speaking with a third person to describe a close friend or associate. often in confirming a mutual acquaintance: “you know Roger too? yeah, that’s my boy.”
(variants include: my homie). ed note: careful with this one.

My Man:
Generally used to convey a cool, at times chilly distance. Often used with derision, or to diffuse an escalating fight: “check out my man over there in the funny hat.” or “my man, you need to show these ladies a little more respect.”
(variants include: money and homeboy, both used sans “my”)

My Guy:
Ghey.

Wee-Bey, Chris, what do you guys think about that?

guaranteed, Wee-Bey addressed Chris as "my dude" when he walked up.

Damn, that bad? Let’s check angle 2:

Ok, Got it. My guy is out.

My Brother:
Used almost exclusively by frat boys (who will also hit you with that “bro”), white people talking to blacks, North Africans, and dudes involved in the sale of falafel. Expect to see an uptick during the Obama presidency.

ed note. (oh boy, here we go).
a nation of brothers

Now considering that some of you might have trouble grasping some of these concepts, I’ve put together a little chart to help make things clear:

Will Smith and Tom Cruise take us through the full repertoire.

For advanced usage, strictly between the bruh’s, please see Aaron Magruder’s Black Jesus:

–Slick


notes:
Though historically used in a positive light [see: American Gangster], “my man” has slipped in usage over the past decade or so. Remember, language is fluid. Your mileage may vary.