As the tail has evolved and grown, people have become confused.  As the chief practitioner of assology, there are some common misconceptions I need to clear up. The term “thick” has been grossly misused, misunderstood, and misapplied.  I had to conduct an in depth survey to try to help define the boundaries of thickness so that we can all be on the same page.  A public service if you will.

First let’s start with a little history.  Society’s acceptance of the thickness has changed over the years.  I call it evolution, some would probably call it de-evolution.  I still site Britney Spears as the one who set off the thick white woman revolution. White girls were abandoning the ideal “buns of steel” flat booty of the 80′s for a more curved out model.

That Buns of Steel era was not right.  I don’t want any steel in my buns, it needs to be soft like a pillow.  Even the jeans changed to accommodate this revolution and the low rise cut even tried to fake it by cutting a flat booty off half way down to make it look like a real winner.

But instead we got the dreaded muffin top.

Thick:

Let’s start with classic thickness  The definition of thick is “Heavy in form, build, or stature”, or “Having or suggesting a heavy or viscous consistency”.  That is exactly right.  It needs to look like it has some resistance to it.

My man Grande smooth likes it with “no hamstrings”, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like the way that thigh sits up when it is right, that is an essential part of the thickness.  He means he doesn’t want to feel the muscle right up underneath the skin.  It is a balance of fitness and smooth, you can’t get sloppy, it is all in there just right the perfect female form.  We’re talking that comic book body where the curves just don’t end.  Thickness and the appreciation comes from the appreciation of the female form.  J’s can factor in, but the action starts right below that.  The classic thickness is when the skin just stays smooth throughout, that classic triple bump tail, thigh, calf.

No tail?  You’ve just got big legs.  No thigh, you aren’t even in the running.  No Calf?  That’s just the worst, looking like you’re standing on toothpicks.

We gotta get to the real issue though.  Dudes that think big girls are thick.  Nah man, you gotta know the difference.

I know there are some of you our there right now thinking…oh hail yeah.  Naaaaaaah man.  This chick is actually cute from the shoulders up, but there is too much booty in the pants.  You see how she’s coming smooth through the knee area.  That is not what you want.  That waist area looks photoshopped up to me.  That girl is not thick, I’m not gonna say she’s big…but she is beyond thick.  Now there are different versions of thick, you can’t be fooled by that either.  There is muscle chick.

I bet she looks good in jeans, but those arms look like she might choke your ass out if she catches you with your back turned.

There is the borderline chick:

Sure from the right angle, it all looks right. I’m not gonna lie, this looks really right.  But then she hits you with angle 2…

And this is classic now you see it now you don’t.  She’s not terrible right now, but if she’s got a soda habit she’s gonna drink her way into big girl status by long about Halloween 2010.

Then you have the official big girl status.

I’ve seen dudes in the club see a babe like this walk by and be like “damn, she’s got a fat ass and some big J’s”.  Nah player, she’s a big girl.  Not that there is anything wrong with that…but just admit it.  That is not thick, that is southern grits are biscuits, extra redeye gravy, side of pancakes right there.  You know it when you see it.  Check the arms, refer to your waist to tail ratio charts, make sure the knees are still fully identifiable and keep it moving and keep it real.

So just so you have a reference point this is ideal thickness right here.

That is what you’re aiming for people.  Melyssa Ford is the prototype.  You’ve been educated.

-Brock