Dear White People (And Gwyneth Paltrow) You CAN NOT Use The Word Nigga

I don’t know why this issue continues to come up. But apparently we need to cover this again. We can cut right to the chase. Dear White people, it is NEVER okay to use the word nigga. Nigger either for that matter. Hell I don’t usually use the word. I’ve just got to drop it so it hits you with that full effect. Gwyneth Paltrow either didn’t get the memo or got so high from being on stage with Jay-Z and Kanye doing Niggas in Paris IN PARIS eleven times and she temporarily went insane and sent out this tweet.

There are so many things wrong with this moment. Let’s break them down shall we?

Let’s get this out the way first. I don’t want to hear that nigga is right in the name of the song, so she should have a right to say it. I know exactly where they stop the song and whatever the song is called they actually only say nigga twice in the song up to that point. By contrast, they say fuck 6 times, shit 8 times, and bitch twice. You want a scapegoat song when you need an excuse to say nigga? Listen to this Body Work by Pusha T. I believe the total count is 49…mostly in the second verse.

Blame this epidemic on that joint, not Jay-Z and Kanye. Great song by the way.

So Gwyneth shouldn’t have done it, it was a horrible idea and there is nothing you can tell me that will make it okay. I’m going to tell you why.

REASON #1: Using the word Nigga is dangerous.

There are only a few reasons another person is allowed to kill you under the law. First, you break into their house. Second, you try to kill them or one of their loved ones. Third, they catch you fucking their wife/husband. Finally, calling a black person nigger. Under the fighting words doctrine, you can legally catch an ass whoopin. Look at that list, the rest of the items are right in the Ten Commandments. Thou Shall Not Steal. Thou Shall Not Kill. Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery. I feel like if they had let a Black dude get a book in the Bible, the book of Rodney would have slipped in Thou Shall Not Say Nigga. When the law says, fuck it you are on your own, turn back. The law can’t help you.

Heres the other problem with Gwyneth sending out her tweet. Some time immediately thereafter, she realized she fucked up and needed a way out. Solution number one should have been to apologize, but instead, she went the OTHER way. She tried to find the nearest black man to help her out with a nigga pass. Kanye and Jay, must have still been busy on stage, so she went for the next best thing. The Dream.

Really? Do you really think The Dream has enough street cred to just un-nigga a nigga situation? Just because he is wearing a big ass fitted hat AND stunna shades AND a fat gold chain AND has a suede and leather collar popped? Come on. Dream tried to pretend like he was tweeting from her account. He didn’t even try to issue her a nigga pass, he tried to use his own. That’s plagiarism. Fraud. Chicanery. In fact, lets just assume The Dream DID send the tweet from Gwyneth’s phone after she logged into her account. Let’s assume this is true. So the point is The Dream is using his blackness as verification of the situation. In that case, he also undermined his own credibility at the same time. If it was the Dream, and he is so thugged out he couldn’t help but to send out that text. What the hell is “tyty, beehigh”? If it was him, that becomes the most offensive thing in the tweet. What they hell does that mean Dream? Huh? You don’t know because you didn’t send that shit. Siddown.

Gwyneth, next time try to get a cosign from Samuel L. Jackson, Cornell West, a member of the Nation of Islam, someone. damn. Maybe Kanye would have helped you out.

Maybe not.

Look, I don’t just bring up problems without offering solutions. I’ve got something that will save White people for the rest of eternity. I can take this issue off the table immediately. Invented right here at Us Versus Them. Instead of nigga, just say nilla. It’s easy. Gwyneth was on stage. How hilarious would it be if she tweeted out “They’ve got Nillas in Paris too!” Instant classic. No one can ever get mad at you because a Nilla is a delicious little cookie. The reference is always hilarious. You can use it freely and it is never offensive. Feel free to refer people directly to me if anyone has any questions.

Just do it, trust me it will be wonderful for everyone. If you decide not to follow my advice…then you deserve this:

That never gets old.

-Brock

P.S. Gwyneth, just say you’re sorry. The word offends a lot of people. It’s wrapped up in a lot of shit. I’m not saying the rules about the use and the frequency by which Black people use the word makes any sense. I can’t even defend it. It’s silly, really, but thems the rules. Deal with it.

The Dream Cheated on Christina Milian? Come On Bruh! Oh Hail Naw! WTF?!?!?!?!?

This fool The Dream was already firmly on the list of “Them” but now he has gone too damn far.

And not just because he thought it was cool to wear one glove.  You know he married Us Versus Them favorite and purveyor of the infamous triple tuck, Christina Milian.  They even had a baby, that’s all good right.  Nah, apparently this cat with his 5 month old kid wanted to go on vacation with his personal assistant.

They were just out there practicing their rescue maneuvers out there in the ocean, this isn’t a big deal.  You’ve got to know what to do in case your boat turns over, or you fall into a pool or something, right?

See, he’s just checking the flotation devices.

AWWWWWWW, Dream.  I can’t take it anymore.  He done messed up the perfect little lady.  What is with these dudes?  Doesn’t the Dream understand he is wack?  Doesn’t He know that he overshot his personal potential and needs to stop rolling the dice while he’s ahead?  On the UvT Scale of 1-10, I don’t know if there are enough bonus points in the world that can bring Dream up to Christina Milian’s level.  He’d have to be on that Bill Gates loot, and I don’t care if he wrote “Umbrella” by Rihanna, there aren’t that many “talent” bonus points in the world.  First Nick Cannon and now the Dream?  Now I need Christina to date someone just to she can break up with them to make sure she’s not some kind of crazy chick.  Remember this?

That is making me mad right now.  Dream standing up there with J’s bigger than Christina’s. I’m pretty sure I hate this dude now.

-Brock

VIBE Magazine Goes Out With A Bang: My Girl Milian

Vibe magazine might have tapped out, but at least they go out with style.  Damn Christina Milian was on the cover of King the month before they went out, and now she is on the final cover of Vibe.

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I don’t even know if this joint is ever going to hit the press.  I’ll tell you what I do know.  That clown The Dream” has a hand full of tittay.  Lawd help me.  Does she rock pasties to the shoot or did they just let my man raw dog it because that is his girl?  What’s the real deal?

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Damn she is bad though.  Goodness that J game is so ridiculous.  I really don’t understand how they’ve remained so perfect for so long.  The game with no shirt on though?  Not helping anyone.  I guess the brother doesn’t hit the weight room too often does he?  He could work in a crunch, an ab roller, a protein shake, something.  If Christina is for the fellas, I’m going to presume the Dream is for the ladies.  Haaaaaaaaa.  Sorry ladies, you got jammed up on this one.  The only Dream that guy is having is for dessert.  Who still wears calvin klein boxer briefs?  Really?  Marky Mark rocked those joints in like 1990.  Why is Dream still rocking them now.

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Man.  I can’t take it.  Why do the J’s look so big?  Why are her legs so perfect?  Will the day ever come when this chick is not bad as hell?  Either way, this picture is better than the original.

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Yoko Ono was pimpin though.  I feel like that picture is a half Rule #1 violation.

I shoulda gotten out while I was ahead.

-Brock

Shout to Sweetsexy521 for the tip and the jokes.