Reviews of Shows I Don’t Watch: The Voice

I was looking through my hilarious archives, (Like THIS joint. That’s just good life advice) and realized that we used to do a lot of TV show reviews on the site. I stopped doing it, but I still watch a LOT of damn tv, so I decided to bring it back. Then I realized, I don’t actually watch the shows people care about. Lake used to watch those soft ass shows that people want to discuss. So I’m starting something new. Reviews of shows I don’t actually watch.

Let’s start with the Voice.

I only know three out of those four people, one only in name. But it does remind me that C-Lo used to be in Goodie Mob, which  was a really great, thugged out ATL group.

No sequins there. Although those shorts are pretty fashionably adventurous for a rap group when C-Lo assumes that stance.

So the Voice is a show where the judges face backward while someone sings. They are judging the singer only by their voice, not by what they look like. So the judges create teams by sound, so they might end up with someone who might not look like a star but may sound like one. Just like when you are lost and driving your car, apparently you can only listen when you concentrate really hard as opposed to when you normally listen. You’ve got to squint and strain to make sure you can hear.

The funny thing is this would be a great concept if they let it play all the way out. Imagine how big of a finale they would have if you really judged just one voice for the entire season and didn’t get to see them until you picked a finalist then had to work with it. THAT would be a challenge. Instead, as soon as they get past the first round it basically turns into American Idol with teams, also known as X-Factor. (Which I also don’t watch).

The crazy thing is that the teams end up being pretty obvious. If you are a rocker, you pick Adam. Country, Blake. If you can really sing big, you go with Christina. And if you are crazy nut job, you go with C-Lo.

Aren’t these shows all the same? Isn’t someone the mean one like Simon Cowell if Simon Cowell isn’t available? How many of these shows do we really need. Can we really find four completely unknown singers a year and pretend like they are going to be stars? Actually that doesn’t even matter. I’m completely down with the show. Why? Because it allows C-Lo to do this.

Any show where the producer approves C-Lo to stroke a white fuzzy cat in every interview as if he is plotting to take over the world is okay with me. He looks so serious about it too. Actually, I think the cat actually looks more serious than he does. In fact, maybe the cat is the mean judge, and C-Lo is just his pawn, controlled by telepathy.

So without watching this show, I’m able to determine it is about an evil cat who is trying to take over the world using C-Lo as his pawn.  If someone can confirm that for me, I’ll watch it.

This is fun. I need to not watch a few more shows.

-Brock