I love when athletes are forced to make confessions. It’s one of the most ridiculous moments in all of sports. Has anyone who has EVER been accused of taking steroids been clean? One person? Ever? Has “I don’t know what was in that supplement” ever worked? I know Carl Lewis is glad he ran back in the days of hightop fades and no internet because I’m sure he would not make it in the modern era. But Lance really takes the cake.
You know what the Lance Armstrong “confession” showed me? That, whether you are on the juice or not, there is a certain attitude it takes to be the best in the world at something. To be so competitive that you will put yourself through the hardest race on the planet and win it SEVEN times, while lying, and rotating dirty blood with clean blood and all the crazy stuff Lance had to do to always pass his drug tests and deny it for over ten years is that YOU CAN’T TURN IT OFF. That dude is an asshole. He convinced himself that because of his recovery from his cancer that he was just leveling the playing field by taking drugs. We always talk about how special you have to be to be a Michael Jordan, a Tiger Woods, a Kobe Bryant, a Brett Favre. We’re talking about indisputable, first ballot hall of famers, these guys are narcissistic jerks across the board. I guess you have to be. But seriously, you have to be a real dick to get away with winning the biggest race in your sport when you’re cheating and do it SIX MORE TIMES.
Damn Lance. You didn’t want to get two or three and shut it down? You really couldn’t stop before you were the most dominant athlete on the planet? They probably would have let you keep two yellow jerseys, but they weren’t gonna let you keep 7 of them.
I blame Floyd Landis. Lance had the best “I’m not on steroids” game of all time. There was nothing that could be pinned on him for the better part of a decade. Floyd Landis wins ONE Tour De France and he gets pinned before he could cross back over the Seine river and get out of the country.
Here’s my new rule. All athletes are on SOMETHING. Athletes stay on the cutting edge. Everyone at my gym is looking for an edge. Protein, creatine, weed, liquor, whatever. If it alters you for the better, they are on it. I stay hopped up on a custom cocktail of green tea, Hendrick’s Gin and Twerk Team videos. It gives me a real edge in this blog game.
Lance Armstong managed to apologize to the entire world while still coming off like he’d probably do it again. He’s like every other horrible bike dude that all of us have to deal with every day. That guy who wants to run stop lights. Who wants to be fully in a car lane like he’s actually a car. The guy who takes his seat off of his bike because he doesn’t want anyone to steal his sweet gel saddle…on steroids…literally.
This is cutting off abruptly because no one actually gives a damn about cycling. My bad.