Man Up Monday: Brady Quinn

You know we’ve been on Brady Quinn watch ever since Lake and I watched all his hopes and dreams get crushed in the NFL draft as he slipped from a top prospect to the 22nd pick in the 2007 draft.
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I don’t hate the kid, I’m just tired of everyone acting like he is better than he actually is. People tried to act like he was good at Notre Dame, but all he ever did was beat the people he was supposed to beat.  So he was supposed to be a mini god when he was drafted by the Browns and Derek Anderson promptly put Brady Quinn on clipboard and baseball cap duty.

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Brady spent two years playing about as many snaps as I played in the NFL for the last few years (although he pulls a better paycheck than I do for not doing anything).  But this season Brady got his chance.  Check Quinn’s stats:

 

Player Att Comp Yds Comp % Yds/Att TD TD % INT INT % Long Sck Sack/Lost Rating
Brady Quinn 74 45 400 60.8 5.4 1 1.4 3 4.1 26 10 46 62.9

 

I don’t know about you, but over three games…that is not your franchise player right there.  Even Allen Iverson wants him to talk about practice after seeing that QB rating.

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Brady got the starting job and today during the 34-3 beatdown by the Ravens, Brady got benched because it just wasn’t happening.  One touchdown, three interceptions and a 62.9 rating.  That is not going to keep you in the game for long.

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The guy certainly looks the part, but he really just can’t throw.  No accuracy, can’t lead a receiver, catches L’s in the pocket, I mean he is awful.  Is the dream over yet people?  Can we finally let this one go?  No?  Well maybe the guy can find a new profession.

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Nice mechanics Brady.  You had your shot…Man Up and take advantage.  You were supposed to be the man, you were supposed to proved everyone who passed you up in the draft that they made a mistake.  Do you need to get a video tape of the Michael Jordan Hall Of Fame speech to know how to build an entire career out of revenge?

Brady Quinn…Man UP!

-Brock

Step Yo Game Up: Taking Flicks

Dudes don’t really have a “pose” when they take a flick.  They just get together and rock a picture.  The ladies are different.  They find one way they look good, and they stick with it.  The only problem with that is that someone can grab a stack of them off of your facebook page, stack them on top of each other and make your ass look crazy on the internets.  Like this young lady.

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Nice smile.  Crazy eyes.

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She’s got that 45 degree angle locked in.  Someone tucked some subliminal racism up in there too.  haaaa.

It isn’t just for regular chicks.  Famous babes definitely rock the pose too.  Take Paris Hilton for example.

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Something about that left eye is freaking me out.  It is like it climbs up and down her face.  Is she some kind of alien?

Okay, maybe guys do it.  This guy just changes shades of orange.

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He might just not be able to change facial expressions because of all the ‘roids.

-Brock

Lindsay Lohan Update: Sam Ronson Needs To Step Her Game Up

Does Lindsay Lohan have a day job anymore?  When was the last time she was in an actual movie?  All she seems to do is go to the beach, go to parties, go to beach parties, and eat lunch in LA.  Maybe she’s done.  She’s really just decided to be a full time lesbian.  That seems to be her current job, just convincing everyone she’s the real deal…and I can accept that.  But, if the relationship is going to be legit, it has to be all the way legit, we can’t give her girl Sam Ronson a pass anymore.

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Here’s Lindsay at a recent event, looking better than she’s looked in a long time.  I personally prefer the old school 2002 thick version of Lindsay, but she’s holding it together.  Here’s another picture of her with her girlfriend, Gollum Samantha Ronson.

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Ol girl looks like she’s keeping an eye out for the precious for real.  Lindsay is at the beach all the time…Sam can’t catch a sunray or two?  I mean she’s not even hot for a 14 year old boy, which is what she actually looks like.  Which brings me to my point.  Sam, I don’t care if you are a lesbian.  I don’t care if you’re the dude in this relationship, you are dating Lindsay freaking Lohan…you need to step your game up.  Guys don’t get away with this kind of shit.  Your lady tightens your game up.  Let’s you know that you are going to a “wear a suit” event, not a “jeans” event.  I mean get with the program.

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At least she ditched the leather coat and the stupid hat for the red carpet.  Can Lindsay help her out with a pose or two?  Catch Sam with a “we are not going out if you are going to wear those stupid pink tiger hightops again.  I mean Sam isn’t even fading into the background.  She’s fully in the mix and making everything terrible.  All Lindsay does is shop, the least she can do is hit Sam with an outfit or two.  Sam you are slacking on your pimpin and making your girl look bad.  If you’re going to literally wear the pants in this relationship, you need to Man Up and give your girl what she needs.  Any dude knows that.  I know, I know, you’re not a dude…you’re just built like one.

-Brock

Man Up Monday: Santa Claus

It is the Christmas season, so we continue to get in the spirit here at Us Versus Them.  You know we never let anything slide here at Us Versus Them so the big man himself is about to catch the Man Up Monday treatment because some things have got to change.

First of all, stop sneaking around.  You’re Santa. You’re the man this time of year.  You gotta Man Up and walk right in.  Door locked?  Kick that joint down.  Just roll up in the spot, everyone knows you’re coming.  Don’t just drink the milk they leave out, bang out the whole gallon and get a Goose and for the road.  If the cops roll up, who’s gonna arrest you? As soon as they see the gear, they’ll be asking for autographs.

Santa has been scaring little kids in photographs since the camera was invented.  Rocking the same white beard, been rocking the beer gut, the rosy cheeks and the red fur-lined coat forever.

The kids today aren’t with it anymore.

He’s still rocking the same sleigh, eating cookies and milk and still rolls with reindeer and elves.  I mean, come on…we still call the guy “jolly”.  When was the last time anyone was described as jolly?  Let’s start with the ride.

Let’s get him the whip with a little holiday spirit. He’s got a long way to go, so he can have the hybrid.  That flying reindeer powered sleigh? It’s gotta go. Not feeling the new whip?  Well lets just pimp his old ride instead.

I can just see Mad Mike now.  “So I know you like hot chocolate. So we put a hot cocoa dispenser right here…in.  your.  car.”

Now that’s pimpin.

On to the gear.  The fat man suit with the high boots and the wide patent leather belt isn’t getting it anymore.  You can go a few ways on this one.

That is not one of the ways.  That is actually worse.  And not right. No grown man, should wear bell bottom shorts.

There we go.  Come with the double breasted joint with the cape and the top hat.  At least change it up a little bit.  Those frankenstein shoes aren’t right, but he’s trying.

Ol’ girl up there reminds me…I know Santa has been keeping it real with Mrs. Claus all this time. He’s really been holding it down and staying loyal.  Hell, she’s been keeping it real for staying with a fat dude with rosy cheeks and a nose like a cherry that only works one night a year.  Santa might not need to be looking for a new lady, but he can certainly upgrade the helper elves and the ho, ho hoes.

Okay, that might be too much.  That picture is also something that is supposed to be really sexy…but somehow isn’t.

There was go.  Velvet draws, and they already got the memo on the cape.  Santa needs some eye candy too.

So Santa you need to Man Up and get the Us Versus Them treatment.  Update the name too for Santa 2.0.  Call yourself SNTA CLS or something.  Either way, you can’t keep doing it the way you’ve been getting down for the last few centuries.  Either Man Up or we’re going to have to call the Easter Bunny up from the bullpen and give him a shot at the top spot.

So step your game up and Man Up Santa Claus.  Or you’ll be the one getting the coal this Christmas.

-Brock

Fashion Tip: Don’t Wear Gym Clothes Anywhere but the Gym

I’ve already covered Under Armor guy, but I’ve got to go deeper.  I know we’ve become a casual society, but there is a line here people!  I know I probably overshoot the mark.  I keeps it smooth at all times.  I don’t suit it up, I don’t rock the fur, but my shit is always tight.  I’m not saying you have to suit it up.  The last time people in suits looked relaxed was long about the early sixties in Vegas.

But I’m talking about the cats that rock gym clothes wherever they go.  When you wake up in the morning, put on a grown ass man outfit.  If you are going to the store and choose the gym shorts…just stop.  If the pants that you wear most often has breakaway snaps on the side, call your mom and tell her you would like to have a pair of jeans for Christmas.  I know that airplanes aren’t the most accommodating places on earth, I know the seats are small, but that is not an excuse to pull on the pajama pants, the crocs, and the sweatshirt worn so thin that you can see through it.

At least Mike still rocks the penny loafers and the tux jacket with his pajama pants.  I’m here to tell you, people cannot take you seriously if you are in a normal social situation rocking the shiny, silky pants.  Examples?  Of course.

That guy just looks like a jackass.  I don’t even know who he is.  He looks like an astronaut on his off day.  I’m not even going to address wifey over there.  She’s lost her damn mind.

How about this?

See?  You don’t mind the fact that Steve Jobs rocks the black turtleneck everyday anymore do you?  There is only one cat who can get away with it.

That’s right, Fidel Castro.  Look, if I had been the President of Cuba for 400 years or however long Castro has been running things in Cuba, I wouldn’t give a damn what I wore to work either.  Even in this case though, peep this.

The Adidas jacket and the old man, all black, “comfortable” sneakers are not the way to get business done.

That looks crazy…which means that you look even more crazy.

-Brock