Man Up Monday: Scottie Pippen

In “whooooa playa, we didn’t ask you that” news, Scottie Pippen decided to chime in on the always popular greatest player ever debate. Scottie Pippen was on the Mike and Mike show and said that Michael Jordan may be the best scorer ever, but Lebron James may be the best all around player ever.


I know LeBron has really taken over for the Miami Heat in the last few weeks, I know LeBron is a genetic freak, I know LeBron is finally playing some nasty defense, but Scottie might be a little premature on this one. Now I don’t know if Scottie didn’t get much chance to run back game film because he was actually on the court with Jordan, but if I can recall the mid 90′s Jordan was the nastiest dude on the court for the better part of a decade. I’m not going to say the Bulls would have won 8 straight if MJ hadn’t taken his baseball break, but it sure looks like it. Meanwhile LeBron is like the chick you have sex with knowing she isn’t the one…no ring.

The real problem is Scottie just comes off looking bitter. Where is the loyalty? Didn’t he and Jordan work for 6 rings? Didn’t MJ get Scottie on the list for the top 50 players of all time. Didn’t having the best player of all time on the court with him let Scottie get loose for 8 or 9 years? Doesn’t that count for anything? Apparently not. That made me wonder, why is Scottie so bitter? Is it because MJ is rolling in the millions from the Jordan Brand and owner of the Charlotte Bobcats while Scottie Pippen is “Special Liaison in charge of reminding people when we could win championships” for the Chicago Bulls? Is it because Scottie ended up on one of Gary Coleman’s final projects “Midget Mascots”?

That is Gary Coleman over there rocking shorts over sweatpants by the way, and as bad as this looks in a still picture, it is even worse in motion when Gary clocks Scottie with the phone. I covered this about a year ago, but it is worth running back.

That might be the best “WTF” moment ever. I know Mike did Space Jam, but that was a much higher quality film then Midget Mascots.

So we asked Mike what he thought about the comment. Jordan really ran the full gamut of emotions. He actually went through all 5 stages of grief when he heard the news.

Denial:

Anger:

Bargaining:

Depression:

and finally, “Fool if you don’t stop talking junk, I’m gonna choke the shit out of you”:

The real reason Scottie is getting the Man Up Treatment is because he started to backpedal after the issue blew up. Scottie is now claiming that he was saying he could see LeBron being the best one day based on his skills and physical ability. Sure, I like watching LeBron truck through people like a Tight End too, but that doesn’t mean he can hold his own with MJ yet. Jordan had a nasty flu and still scored 38 on the Utah Jazz in the Finals. LeBron said he had a cold last week and was talking about it. I don’t bring up the fact I have a cold when I go to work, and I’m not a world class athlete.

So Scottie Pippen, you just look bitter. You look like you are trying to make up for two decades of people thinking you were #2 by trying to take down the greatest of all time. It just doesn’t look good Scottie. There are certain things you just don’t debate, this is one of them. Next week, Scottie Pippen is going to try to convince everyone bacon isn’t delicious. He’s going to be wrong then too.

Scottie Pippen, MAN UP!

-Brock

 

 

 

 

Damn Homey: Scottie Pippen

Scottie Pippen has six rings in the hopper, he was named one of the 50 greatest players of all time.  Some argue that Scottie would not have been in the top 50 if it wasn’t for Michael Jordan…but there are others who say that MJ might not have been the same without Pippen.  He was just named as a finalist to get into the Hall of Fame last week.

 

He has almost 19,000 career points, has the third most post-season games in NBA history, 8 time NBA all defensive player, he was NBA All Star MVP the year Jordan was out.  The guy was a real player.  The guy came out of Central Arkansas to get all of that done.  He’s kinda fallen on some hard times though.  He had two seasons overseas at the end of his career, and there are rumors out there that the cash started running a little low.  So Scottie had to make things happen to make ends meet and stay relevant. So he thought he would get up with his homeboy Gary Coleman and make a little movie called Midgets vs. Mascots, which is self described as “Borat meets Jackass”.  Which I’m pretty sure someone out there thinks is the best way to describe the funniest thing in the world, but when you actually think about it can really mean that something isn’t funny at all.  Anyway, Scottie went for it. Let’s take a look at the clip.

Haaaaaaa.  I’m pretty sure that “what the fuck” wasn’t in the script.  Gary looked like he really wanted to go improv on that one.  But then again Gary Coleman is having his own problems.

He got arrested last week for domestic violence.  First of all, Gary is looking like he got dealt a pretty shitty hand by life.  I mean this guy has been in bad video games, called ashy, doesn’t really have his groupie game tight, and just looks like he is close to the end of his chain in that picture up there. Meanwhile, Webster is still jolly as shit.

Damn Scottie, you used to be the man Scottie….what happened to you?

-Brock

More Athlete Wives and Girlfriends: Hoops

It’s the off-season, so we can’t say for sure, but we were sad to see Jason “White Chocolate” Williams’ fall from grace this year. Dude used to be exciting, crafty and wildest of all, just downright ‘hood on the court – representing for white guys all over the world. Now homey is all knee padded up, one season away from the forced baldy, even his tats have faded, just not a good look. But then it all made sense when I peeped his choice in wife:

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How in the hell is ‘White Chocolate’ gonna be rolling with Vanilla? Damn homey. You couldn’t even go Butter Pecan Rican? ‘White Choc’ and all this bad chick karma probably had something to do with Jason “the brother who didn’t shoot his limo driver” Williams’ fall from grace:

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Damn Jay, you were so dead nice back in the day too. Get on that Duke bench homey, Wojo should be shining your shoes right about now (hate to say it but ‘Jay’ still has one of the worst smile games in the business).

Anyway, it got us thinking, who else out there is rolling with the ‘vanilla sister’ instead of the standard issue ‘chocolate deluxe sister’ we expect. Umm, this may take a while and we’ll have to go with a continuation because we can’t fit all this in one post, but peep the vanilla crunch loving bros and make your own judgments as to how it’s helped or hurt their game.

Nilla Wafer No. 1

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Lol! We start with Tim Duncan. Can’t lie at all. This vanilla sister has done Timmy right! After all, homey is grasping up on the final MVP trophy (one of several) in the pic and she’s just a cheesing like an Atlanta Braves sambo errrr logo. Seriously, this is a match made in, well, purgatory (jury is still out) but you can’t argue with the success. Can’t hate on Tim and Amy (*of course*) Duncan.

Nilla Wafer No. 2

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Awwwww, Shane, why homey.. WHY??!! I’ll forever owe a debt of gratitude to my main mane Shane Battier for bringing home that 2001 NCAA National Championship for the good guys, YES, those Duke Blue Devils (hate us), but homey, now I gots to cut ya. I’ll just ask, seriously, why? I mean, we all could kind of saw you going that way (just like we saw Tiger going that way), but if you’re gonna do that thang, do the thang right homey. Like Kimmy Kardashian right or Jessical Biel right. You can’t go Becky from ’round the mall wrong. Damn, sorry I had to cut you Shane, but my journalistic integrity was at stake and this is just terrible dude.

Nilla Wafer No. 3

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Look, anything and anyone that can help cure Scottie Pippen of that ugliness, we’re all for. And this cat thought he could make a comeback this year. Scott, I got one word for you, AHNT, which is the sound of a buzzer going off on your candy ass. Scott, you’re lady looks good and next to you she looks even better. But you’re gonna have to pull a major upgrade to get enough chick karma going your way to turn back those hands of time. Sorry Scott, the answer is still no.

-Lakey the Lover