Man Up Monday: Kobe Bryant Has the Worst Week Ever!

A week ago I was talking to my brother about the Lakers. It looked all good. They were about to get Chris Paul while moving Pau Gasol and Lamar Odom. That meant they might be able to get Dwight Howard from Orlando for Andrew Bynum. It looked like the Lakers were about to make a run. People were hitting me up to try to get Lakers tickets, things seemed good.

Then, in a weird twist, everything changed. CP3 ended up as a Clipper. Dwight Howard is still a Magic, a Magician, (just the fact that both of those sound turrible show you how horrible that team name is). And Kobe doesn’t know what the hell is going on.

Kobe has been making that “This is some bullshit” face all week. I even heard some radio interviews where it was clear he was making that face even though I couldn’t see him. Everyone knows Kobe is a warrior, everyone knows Kobe looks out for himself, we all know Kobe wants to win at least one more Championship and he’s suddenly caught in something that looks an awful lot like a rebuilding year. Kobe is saying all the right things right now, but best believe dude is pissed. Like this:

Kobe is looking at the camera like “You want me to win a championship with Steve Blake, two players who look like ‘Standard Player 1’ in NBA 2K, and a coach who is wearing a grey on gray polo shirt/sweater vest combo?” That’s a Clay Davis special right there.

So as his team falls apart, we also find out he is getting divorced. Wonder why that happened?

You have to think a dude who wears a picture of his own face on a t-shirt is a little full of himself. We all know where this started.

No. Not that icy stare Vanessa Shot him when Kobe was being accused of rape after getting down with a housekeeper in Denver…it was this:

The Amish Ice Cream Man ain’t getting none at home.

Here’s to hoping Kobe Bryant pulls a Man Up and goes full on Derek Jeter right now. I’m talking famous chicks, I’m talking hitting chicks with the Special Edition Christmas Kobe and a signed basketball after one night stands, the playboy of LA. Why not? He’s got nothing to lose. Dude is pretty much on the short list for baddest man on the planet.

Kobe, Man Up! In a good way…I’m in the holiday spirit.




Man Up Monday: So Many Punks So Little Time

I don’t have a single crew for Man Up Monday this week, I’ve got a whole crew of ’em .  I’ve got to start with the Atlanta Hawks though.  There are a few times in sports when “pros” are now performing professionally.  This is one of those times.  When Orlando beat the hell out of Charlotte, that seemed to be because Charlotte just sucked.  The Hawks look like they don’t even want to be there.

They just got blown the hell out of their own building and are prepared to get swept tomorrow night.  Orlando hasn’t lost a playoff game yet, and they look focused on trying to get that Championship after losing to the Lakers in the finals last year.  It is pretty filthy too.  Dwight Howard is just getting loose.  He’s going baseline:

He’s catching alley-oops.

Orlando might get another week and a half off waiting for the last three games of that Cleveland-Boston series.

San Antonio was on the Man Up Monday list early this weekend.  The Spurs were down 3-0 and making it look like the conventional wisdom of “veterans can turn it on when it matters” is just a bunch of B.S.  But then then he caught that playoff elbow from Tim Duncan.

I guess it is better to get a cut above the eye is better than going out like Hasim Rahman.  So San Antonio is manning up as I type this, we will see if they can hold on for another quarter to close it out.  Amare and Los Suns need to give them a little more of this:

And close it out.  The Lakers are going to be waiting for the winner of this one, and Phoenix needs the time off.  They don’t need to be threatened by the Spurs since the Suns haven’t been able to close those dudes out…uuuuuhhh…ever.

Update, there it is, Amare just got a playoff foul on George Hill.  When he hit him in the head with his knee on a block.  That will make you foggy.

The next Man Up goes to Paul Daley.  He was a badass dude talking a lot of Sh*t in the UFC before he got to fight Josh Koscheck for a title shot at GSP.  Well, Daley lost and here is the end of the fight.

See, once that final bell rings, that punch changes from a sport…to assault.  Walking up behind someone to throw a real punch.  There was bad intention behind that one.  This is after Daley went with the always classy “pretend like you are going to touch gloves and throw a punch instead, and the illegal knee when you opponent is down.  Dana White promptly retired him from the UFC after that one.  He got punked and pinned to the fence by that big ass ref too.

Koscheck gets positively DESTROYED by GSP by the way.

Finally there is Kimbo Slice.  He went from baddest dude in the streets to flat on his back getting that ass whooped.

Sad.  He got retired too.  Gotta love the UFC.  Dana White runs a constant playoffs mentality.  Win or go home.

So Atlanta Hawks, San Antonio Spurs, Paul Daley and Kimbo Slice…MAN UP!


Man Up Monday: Cleveland Cavaliers

Awwwwww damn.  I really didn’t think this would happen.  I’ve been saying for weeks that the Cavs were good, but I didn’t really understand why.  Now I know why, it is because they weren’t that good.  Everyone said the media wanted  Kobe v. LeBron in the finals like it was a bad thing.  Hell, I wanted Kobe v. LeBron.  That would have been epic.  These guys were having fun early, snapping pictures, throwing alley-oops from halfcourt, rolling through the entire East.


Then that pressure got put on and these guys straight crumbled.  Look, I was that guy that still thought the Cavs has a chance to win this thing and make it to the finals.  Sure, they had to win three games, but they really only had to win one, the game on Saturday in Orlando and they would have been in the finals.  Unfortunately, Dwight Howard had 40 and 14 for that ass at home.


I was arguing this with the fellas last week.  Sure, Cleveland has LeBron, but if you really think about it, sure, Cleveland had the best record in the league this year, and they were damn near impossible to beat at home, but if you think about it and really look…they might have been the third best team in the East.  If KG was healthy for Boston and Jameer Nelson was still running for Orlando, it might have been curtains for the Cavs.  And that is in the East.  Let’s not even talk about matching those guys up against Denver or LA.


Hey, I feel bad for LeBron, the kid really did the most he could with the tools he was given.  The dude was averaging 40 points and damn near a triple double but his boys didn’t exactly Man Up and help him out on this one.  I don’t exactly know what Cleveland can do about it either.  They can clear out their big men, Big Z and Ben Wallace aren’t exactly making it happen anymore.  Joe Smith and Wally Szerbiak aren’t exactly bringing heat.  Mo Williams looks like he can still help going forward, but Delonte West is a role player at best and Varejao?  Nah, you need one more piece to get that chip.  Look at LA.  Kobe, Pau, and Odom.  If one is down, Bynum can give it to you, Even that crew of point guards can throw in a dagger if you ask them to.  It just isn’t the same.  Denver has Melo, Kenyon and  Chauncey.  Boston has KG, Pierce, Ray Allen and Rondo, Orlando has Howard, Lewis and Hedo.  Rob Base might have said it takes two, but in the NBA, it takes three to make a thing go right.  LeBron is superhuman so he almost pulled it off  with one and a half, but when Mo Williams choked himself out in the Eastern conference finals, it was over.

Mo Williams

Oh and Cleveland, I don’t know if LeBron is this guy, and I don’t think he is, but here comes some good old fashioned “they aren’t giving me the tools I need to win.”  He was rewwy rewwy sad when he left that arena in a huff last night.  LeBron is going to be in that market deep come then end of next season.  Your only hope, your only hope, is to win next year or the King will be leaving Cleveland and delivering your asses directly into Smackdown hotel lottery for the foreseeable future.  Oh and New York, that DOES NOT mean he is coming to the Knicks.  Who the hell started this one?  New Yorkers kill me, they just start talking about this stuff like it is true and reasonable…yet it is not.  Why would this guy want to be a Knick?  Because he could play on the  “worlds biggest stage”?  Come on now, if by biggest stage, you mean playing for a bunch of people who will demand a championship out of the box and turn on him the second he loses to anyone while they run coach after coach and point guard after point guard by him, sure, that sounds like a lot of fun.  He can hang out with Jay-Z in the off season, why wouldn’t he go o a big city with some pieces already there, with some actual talent.  He’d be better off in Los Angeles…no not the Lakers I’m not going to be that ridiculous, the Clippers.  Baron Davis and Blake Griffin are better teammates than David Lee and Nate Robinson.  Miami is better, Atlanta is better, Washington, Dallas, Denver, Detroit, San Antonio, Portland.  Sure some of these spots are small markets but the dude has been rocking in Cleveland for the last 5 years, anything is an upgrade.  Patrick Ewing had a squad around him in the 90’s and couldn’t get it done, the Knicks might have gotten rid of too much if that is possible.


It is all bad out there for LeBron and Cleveland right now.  Oh and Orlando, you know all of those old NBA Finals clichés?  “You need to get there once before you know what it takes”, “this team is young and needs to learn how to win on this stage”, “Finals Basketball is just different”, prepare to run into all of that.  Remember Shaq and Penny in 1995?  No, neither do most people because the caught a viscous ass whooping from the Rockets.  It was so fast they barely got the games going before it as over.  Shaq looked shell shocked.  It was ugly.

Oh and Vitamin Water, Nike, you commercials are gonna kinda suck now.  LeBron, Cleveland, New York citay, Orlando…Man Up!

Kobe’s got killer instinct and a self created chip in his shoulder.  He lost in the finals last year and he wants his damn ring.  Not now, but right now.