Wayne Gretzky’s Daughter Might Be A Great One Herself

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Wayne Greztky is far and away the best hockey player ever. Look at the NHL Wiki page, his name is all over that joint. But I’ve just found out that he has a young model/actress daughter Paulina.

When I first glanced at this picture I thought she might have a really huge tail piece, but if that was the case someone would have sent me this picture a long time ago. Look, the article isn’t about this, but can we just pretend the back of that dress is filled with ass for one moment? Humor me here. It would clearly be a little too much, and a bit out of proportion, but it isn’t like we haven’t seen anything like that before. Looking at you Angle Lola Luv. I’m gonna file this picture under ‘Unexpected Ass’ just in case.

Okay, I’m done.

I didn’t  bring you here to talk about hockey or an incredibly fortunate dress construction. I’m here to talk about the fact Paulina Gretzky really gets loose in photos she releases to the internet. I mean really loose. Check a sample.

This is about as tame as it gets…because this is from a magazine. You want to see the stuff she sends out herself?

I guess the young lady knows what she’s working with. But you know it wouldn’t be Us Versus Them if it didn’t get better than this. Ask yourself, is there ever a good reason to instagram your own ass?

Apparently. Althought I would have gone with that “Valencia” filter to really bring out some highlights.  It gets better.

Partying with Captain America and Corporal Champagne over here. She looks like she’s having a good time though. We’ve still got the money shot though. This is the one that pretty much locks her in for UvT Quality status.

Did I mention she sends these out HERSELF? This is from her Twitter feed. Look, her dad isn’t the President or anything, but when you go spread eagle on Twitter, can a sex tape be far behind? You want to know the most ridiculous thing about that last picture. Now I don’t want to make you look at it too closely, but she’s wearing shorts. You probably didn’t even see them. When you have a pair of shorts that small in the arsenal, you are really trying to get out on the break. That looks like a great pool party though.

Paulina Gretzky, welcome to #TeamUs. You’re officially on the watchlist. You don’t have a huge body of work, but I like your style.

-Brock

Man Up Monday: The Vancouver Rioters

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I have to admit something. I’ve never understood physical displays of emotion. I don’t punch walls when I’m pissed off. I don’t throw things when things go wrong. I don’t stand in a room and scream when I need a release. I’m not saying whether it is a good thing or a bad thing. It just is. So I really don’t understand when something like this goes down. What is in the mind of a rioter? I’m from Duke. Duke students do some stupid things when we win a national championship. Luckily, we’ve won a few times so we have it down. Burn some benches. I little jumping over and through the flames, and we’re good to go.

We do a winning bonfire. I don’t believe it has ever been called a riot. Now Maryland fan starts fires of the losing variety. I think a bonfire turns into a riot when the first car gets tipped over. Which brings us to Vancouver. I hear it is a great place. But two weeks ago, the first place Canucks thought they had the Stanley Cup locked up. Unfortunately, the Bruins decided to start dropping some old fashioned beat down on em and stole the cup. Tipping a car over is pretty dumb, but who just rolls up to kick a car? What does that really do?

I have a feeling that running riot cop shield to the dome at the 45 second mark will be reviewed in court.

I will say any event that causes someone to do a fire crip walk like the one at 55 seconds is always welcome, anyone want to make me a gif of that one for me?

So, I have to imagine these are the things running through the rioters head:

1. Breaking shit is fun.

2. In all this chaos I might be able to steal some nice stuff.

3. My lady is really turned on by this stuff. I’m gonna get some tonight.

4. I’m an idiot.

Did I miss anything?

Riots aren’t all bad though. There was one classic moment that came out of it.

Check this out.

If you are going to be man enough to riot, be man enough to take a flash-bang to the nuts. I don’t doubt that the riot cop was aiming for the nuts either. Those cops look like they had a full license to do whatever they want.

Rioters. Man Up and get a hobby. Ripping up your own city is pretty stupid.

Man Up!

-Brock

Man Up Monday Part II: Boston Bruins

2009 UvT Commenter of the Year and all things Philly fan Ian M. Summers hit me a few days ago to nominate the Boston Bruins for Man Up Monday.  My first thought was, they still play hockey?  My second thought was, I don’t even know where Versus or OLN are on my DirecTv, how am I ever going to watch hockey.  My third was, I have nothing intelligent to say about hockey.  Why is the neutral zone neutral if you can still get dropped by some dude skating 30 miles an hour right at you?  I like icing on my cake, not in my sports.  Could they possibly put more padding on the goalie?  But then I actually took a look, and you don’t need to know a damn thing about Hockey for this to be the most epic Man Up ever.

Somehow the Boston Bruins managed to choke twice at the same time. Get this.  They are in a 7 game series.  Up 3-0.  That means that a team who had just gotten beat down three games in a row would need to reverse the scales so completely that they would need to reverse sweep you, including beating you in your own house.  Sure, the Red Sox did it a few years ago to the Yankees, and that was epic, but it just doesn’t happen that often.  Not only did the Bruins blow the 3-0 series lead, they also had 3-0 point lead in the game going in to the second period.  In hockey, that should have been an almost insurmountable lead.  Ian said that is like being up 55 points in the first quarter of an NBA game.  Especially in the playoffs, especially when you should be able to crush a team that had to give everything they had just to even it up.  The Flyers should have been completely spent and ready to go home and drown their sorrows in cheese steaks and birch beer.  Instead the Flyers came roaring back to win the game 4-3.

Jesus that sucks.

Boston Bruins.  Man Up!

-Brock

Jeremy Roenick Retires: Wait…Jeremy Roenick is Still Playing?

I was watching a little PTI while I was clocking a few miles on the treadmill this evening when I saw a crawl come across the page that Jeremy Roenick was retiring from hockey.

roenickblackhawks

First of all when did he stop playing for the Blackhawks?  Second of all, how long has this dude been in the league?  Did this guy play with Gordie Howe?  Seriously, I’m asking.  He’s been playing since he was 19.  All I know about the dude is that he was dead nice in NHL ’93 (yes that was the year before they took out the “deke”)  Actually, I can’t lie, Lake was dead ass nice at NHL ’93.  Sure he played NHL ’93 until long about 1998 but I’m saying, dude had his game tight.  Ian from the comments, and as far as I know the only one of Us who actually still watches hockey will let me know what Roenick has been doing for the last 15 years.

roenick-face1

The only other thing I know about Roenick is that I think his name is in the lyrics to this song.

Jeremeeeeeeeey Roenick Heeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy, heeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy.

-Brock

Damn Homey: Sean Avery Gets Iced Out by Dallas

Shieeeeet, maybe the NHL is different.

Because for that little comment he made about ole boy eating up his sloppy seconds, the Dallas Stars just gave my man Sean Avery his walking papers.  But the good news for Mr. Avery is that the Stars aren’t voiding his contract, so there shouldn’t be any problem with Sean getting his next bad sloppy firsts on:

Incidentally, there aint sh*t sloppy about this babe.  My word.  I can see why Sean was hatin’ on the other players who were takng shots on goal, this babe is blazing.

Well, now that the “integrity of the game” has been restored, can someone please pick Sean Avery up so that I can have a reason to actually watch hockey?

That’s right homey, we’ve got your back at UvT if nobody else does.  Keep pimpin.

- Lake

Sean Avery to NHL: “Enjoy My Sloppy Seconds”

Let me tell you, this Sean Avery character is AWESOME!!!!

Peep what he said two days ago before a game with his ex’s boyfriend’s team!

BANG!!!  Haaaaaaa  Yo, that sh*t was so good, so low, so, hilarious!  I love it.  Let me just put that shiz in print, because hearing it is one thing, but it must be immortalized in print as well:

“I love Canada, I just wanted to comment about how it’s really become a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds.  I don’t know what that’s about… ENJOY THE GAME!”

LOL.  He stuck the landing with that “Enjoy the game”…haaaaaaaaaaa.  Boy, is there anything in this world better than a good solid asshole?  Honestly, a real jerk is f*cking great, well, when he’s not f*cking with your life.  Anyway, I mean, what’s all the fuss about here?  Who exactly is his “sloppy seconds?”

“Hello, hello, dey know DEY KNOW!!!!!!!”

Are you serious?  Holy sh*t!  THIS is the chick they’ve been talking about?  Jack Bauer’s daughter from 24?!!!?  Oh hell YES it is, that’s Elisha Cuthbert and I’m an instant fan!  My lord, is she ever bad!  I’mma need another shot of that:

Ahhhhh, yes, I love this shot, but doesn’t everybody?  Ladies, just so you know, this is what we all assume you look like at home when nobody is watching.  And if you don’t look like this (meaning your version of this highly sexy look), Step Your Game Up, because that’s our expectation (oh, they aint gonna like that, ha).  Look at it.  Not overly sexy, but the shirt just happens to be riding up.  Them draws have lots of coverage, but the color is just right and they lay just so.  Dammit, I love this… I mean, this is it for a nilla like me.  Look at that face!  Man, Sean Avery was up in eer on that?

Wow.  Uh, Brock, could you have Mimi send in my Perrier soaked cold compress please.  Jeez.  Lake in love!  And at one time Sean had it all:

And now some fool defenseman from the Calgary Flames named Dion Phaneuf is messing with his old lady?  Sheeit, I don’t blame homey for running a little smack.  Why is she jumping from frozen dack to frozen dack?  Show me the chump!

Damn, that dude looks like a big ole cat, though.  Sean might want to watch his mouth.  Hey, f*ck it, I’m with Sean Avery man. That’s right, it’s Finder’s Keepers in my book, at least until this dude puts a ring on it….then they can share her.

Anyway, I’m tired of hearing cats hatin’ on Sean, talking about how he’s disrepected the game.

Disrespected the game?  What?  Sean Avery is literally the ONLY THING THAT MATTERS in that god forsaken league. Certainly the competition night in and night out doesn’t mean a thing!  First off all, does the NHL evern have an off season?  Granted, NONE of the games are carried on a respectable network, BUT it’s only December and already I’m tired of seeing those silly insignificant hockey highlights that annoy me like spam.  Hello, if I wanted to see Hockey, I’d watch Versus, Lifetime or whatever random cable channel they’re playing those silly games on.

And why are the hockey commentators, most of whom have no teeth in their heads and about a 4 inch deep and 6 inch long mullet working, always talking about “respect for the game?”

Respect?  This from a spot that has sanctioned fighting in the rules?  I know, I know, you have to fight because the sport is soooooo violent and the guys are “carrying around weapons in their hands.”  Riiight, either that or you just know that without fighting, your sport would be cold weather soccer, played on ice with a bunch of Euro’s and canucks that nobody cares about.

Hockey needs some more glamor and Sean Avery provided it, plus, did I mention that this babe is bad as hell?

Lordy… Is it just me or are her breasts changing sizes from picture to picture?

By the way, I love that women are going with the see through tops these days.  I just can’t wait for this look to hit the clubs.  Oh, that day IS coming.

And let’s be clear, this dude Dion (huh?) is the biggest loser in all this.

Because as much as cats act like this is ONLY about Sean being classless, NOBODY wants to be reminded of the last guy who was tagging his lady.  And believe me, that “sloppy seconds” jab hit it’s mark.  Young Dion did NOT like it.  Not one bit! ha

Yeah, a dude should just be happy that he’s hitting now and YES, Sean is probably jealous because he knows how great that tail was and he misses it, but Man Law says that first man there has dibs. And ladies, don’t try to understand it, but men know what I mean.  This applies even when they’re the guy who is there for good.  You still know, somewhere in tail property law, hanging in the cosmos, that chick isn’t completely yours.  And with that, I’ll just go ahead and say: Hey Dion:

Ha.

- Lake