Michael Jordan Literally Gets Arrested By the Fashion Police

It finally happened. After years of horrendous outfits. Michael Jordan finally wore an outfit so terrible it caused people to roll up on him and remove him from the premises. I actually don’t know how it took this long. We talked about MJ in mom jeans years ago. His dollars earned to turrible outfit ratio is completely off the charts. Let’s look at today’s violation.

Now I’ve been known to rock some camo shorts myself, but his actually look like they are literally golf course camo. If you were in the Army and you had to take the enemy down on a par-5 dog leg this is what you would wear if you wanted to go stealth mode on em. The only thing that could make that lime green shirt look worse is if he actually went full old man style and buttoned that top button. Rocking cargo shorts on the golf course got MJ kicked out of a round yesterday.The worst part is that this is actually mild for an MJ outfit violation.

Here’s a tip for Team Us if you are every buying a suit or jacket…under no circumstances should it almost touch the ground when you are seated. I mean Inspector Gadget thinks the jacket is a little long. Even Steve Harvey hit MJ with his tailor’s card. Talking about “you’re jacket is a little long, playa”.

Mj is so out of control, even Brand Jordan has lost their mind. They are making clothes no one would ever buy.

Someone give me ONE place this outfit works? Varsity football awards banquet when your letter jacket just isn’t enough? When you want to go to the club and intentionally want to try to not have them let you in at the door? This joint is the literal interpretation of “business casual”. Oh, and there is nothing hot about that Jordan lapel pin. Side note, having all three buttons going on this thing is a violation of all fashion rules, but I expect nothing less from MJ.

There there’s this.

I don’t know if MJ is taking a knee because he’s tired or because he just saw that turrible stitching and those bleached out creases on his jeans.

MJ is the worst dressed cat ever. He’s the only dude on the planet who could make Kobe Bryant’s All White Errythang, and those ridiculous shirts Russell Westbrook was wearing look reasonable.

Even if they switched outfits.

MJ, pull it together man. There are plenty of people to help you with your problem.

-Brock

UvT Fashion Review: The New Jordan 2012

I actually thought these were a joke until I saw them go live on the nike.com site. The Jordan shoes have always had a natural split. The official Jordan shoes generally look good. They’ve been known to start riots. Then there is Brand Jordan, which look like officially sanctioned knockoff shoes. Unfortunately, the 2012’s look like the latter.

Is anyone going to wear those with a straight face? Someone took a hiking boot, slapped on some suede patches, and dropped in some high tops that harken back to an era where short shorts were somehow allowed on basketball courts. Even Marty McFly thinks the new Jordan 2012’s are too much.

They actually made those last year and somehow they didn’t seem as ridiculous as the Jordan 2012’s.

Apparently, they didn’t show Michael Jordan until the last second. We captured his reaction once he figured out how badly his legacy was going to be tarnished.

Seriously, I don’t think I’ve liked a pair of Jordan’s until long about the 14. The 15 was the beginning of the ridiculous era, roughly 12 years ago. Someone needs to tell the designers over a Jordan that less is more. Maybe in 2013 they can leave the stitching, the laser etching, the switchable shoe inserts, and the giant straps.

We all know what the problem is, don’t we? Michael Jordan has the worst fashion sense in the free world. Never has a man with $250 Million spent so much on ripped jeans and the longest sportcoats known to man.

When that dude is your creative inspiration, things could be dismal for a long, long time.

-Brock

Man Up Monday: Scottie Pippen

In “whooooa playa, we didn’t ask you that” news, Scottie Pippen decided to chime in on the always popular greatest player ever debate. Scottie Pippen was on the Mike and Mike show and said that Michael Jordan may be the best scorer ever, but Lebron James may be the best all around player ever.


I know LeBron has really taken over for the Miami Heat in the last few weeks, I know LeBron is a genetic freak, I know LeBron is finally playing some nasty defense, but Scottie might be a little premature on this one. Now I don’t know if Scottie didn’t get much chance to run back game film because he was actually on the court with Jordan, but if I can recall the mid 90’s Jordan was the nastiest dude on the court for the better part of a decade. I’m not going to say the Bulls would have won 8 straight if MJ hadn’t taken his baseball break, but it sure looks like it. Meanwhile LeBron is like the chick you have sex with knowing she isn’t the one…no ring.

The real problem is Scottie just comes off looking bitter. Where is the loyalty? Didn’t he and Jordan work for 6 rings? Didn’t MJ get Scottie on the list for the top 50 players of all time. Didn’t having the best player of all time on the court with him let Scottie get loose for 8 or 9 years? Doesn’t that count for anything? Apparently not. That made me wonder, why is Scottie so bitter? Is it because MJ is rolling in the millions from the Jordan Brand and owner of the Charlotte Bobcats while Scottie Pippen is “Special Liaison in charge of reminding people when we could win championships” for the Chicago Bulls? Is it because Scottie ended up on one of Gary Coleman’s final projects “Midget Mascots”?

That is Gary Coleman over there rocking shorts over sweatpants by the way, and as bad as this looks in a still picture, it is even worse in motion when Gary clocks Scottie with the phone. I covered this about a year ago, but it is worth running back.

That might be the best “WTF” moment ever. I know Mike did Space Jam, but that was a much higher quality film then Midget Mascots.

So we asked Mike what he thought about the comment. Jordan really ran the full gamut of emotions. He actually went through all 5 stages of grief when he heard the news.

Denial:

Anger:

Bargaining:

Depression:

and finally, “Fool if you don’t stop talking junk, I’m gonna choke the shit out of you”:

The real reason Scottie is getting the Man Up Treatment is because he started to backpedal after the issue blew up. Scottie is now claiming that he was saying he could see LeBron being the best one day based on his skills and physical ability. Sure, I like watching LeBron truck through people like a Tight End too, but that doesn’t mean he can hold his own with MJ yet. Jordan had a nasty flu and still scored 38 on the Utah Jazz in the Finals. LeBron said he had a cold last week and was talking about it. I don’t bring up the fact I have a cold when I go to work, and I’m not a world class athlete.

So Scottie Pippen, you just look bitter. You look like you are trying to make up for two decades of people thinking you were #2 by trying to take down the greatest of all time. It just doesn’t look good Scottie. There are certain things you just don’t debate, this is one of them. Next week, Scottie Pippen is going to try to convince everyone bacon isn’t delicious. He’s going to be wrong then too.

Scottie Pippen, MAN UP!

-Brock