You Might Want to Check That Luggage

I like to keep it old school. I like a simpler time when things weren’t too elaborate. Local farming. Old school video games. You know who really needs to keep it simple? Criminals. Oceans 11 ruined everything. Things don’t have to be elaborate. You don’t need a caper with acrobats, electronics experts and hackers. You’ve got to keep it old school. Like this.

This is Maria del Mar Arjona. She is really down for her man. She rolled to a conjugal visit with her man down in Quintana Roo, Mexico. So they did their business and you see Maria. She was rolling out, headed home, just chillin, staying smooth. She came in with a bag to bring him some things from home, make the conjugal visit more interesting, all that. But the guards noticed something was awry. So they asked to check the suitcase. Here is what they found.

That’s her man, Juan Ramirez Tijerina, going for a jailbreak. That’s a ride or die chick right there. She wants her man back so badly that she is willing to go to jail for him. Forget Stop Snitching. Forget the simple principle of not selling him out, we’re talking breaking him out. It is like Prison Break without the tattoos, without the years of planning, and without it working. But it was simple dammit. Hide that dude in plain sight and walk him right out the front door.

You have to admire the way the cops caught him and didn’t just pull him out of the suitcase. They left his ass half zipped up in there, legs all curled up so they could snap a few pictures first. I like the look on his face too. I can’t tell if it is “I told her to keep walking no matter what” or if it is, “I thought I was going to unzip at home and here I am right back in Mexican prison about to catch one of these boots in the arse”, or it could be, “now, not only am I not out, but I’m not getting any conjugal visits anymore”.

I haven’t seen prison pictures taken by prison guards with a better sense of humor since Abu Gharib.

Still you have to love the simplicity of it all. At least the whole scheme didn’t cost a lot.