Man Up Monday: Manny Pacquiao

I was watching UFC Saturday night and when the main event ended, I found out the Manny Pacquiao fight hadn’t started yet. So I flipped over there and I’m glad I did. It was one of the best fights I’ve seen in a long time. Knockdowns for both fighters, they were standing toe to toe and really going at it. Then the craziest thing happened. Pac-Man caught one of the worst knockouts I’ve ever seen. I’m talking, he’s not getting up, knocked out. I’m talking he hasn’t moved in so long I’m uncomfortable, knocked out. Where did that punch even come from, knocked out.

I’ve said this before, but getting knocked out in boxing is the worst thing that can happen in all of sport. You job is to fight. You spend all day training to fight. For 4 months, you know exactly who you are going to be fighting, you are specifically getting ready for just one person. And you do that job so badly you end up sleeping in the middle of a ring wearing nothing but a pair of shorts and high boots. Pacquiao caught that shot in close too, it wasn’t even fully extended.

That’s embarrassing.

But not as embarrassing as it got once the internet starting working its magic. They started lining Pac-Man up with some of the greatest knockouts in history. There were some wrestling classics, like this:

Or this:

Then of course the  literary classics.

And finally, the classic “My man is sleeping in the background”

It is really not okay to get knocked out like that. Once you catch a shot like that, it just becomes easier and easier for opponents to keep hitting that same button. He also just messed up any kind of Mayweather Superfight. after two losses in a row, I don’t want to see that fight at all. Floyd would really work Manny.

Manny Pacquiao needs to MAN UP. He needs to go ahead and retire to his life of politics and karaoke singing. Because it was ugly.

Pacquiao….Man Up!


You want to know the real setup. Mitt Romney was there during the fight. Here’s his “damn you just got knocked the f out!” face.

 That’s hilarious.


Man(ny) Up Monday: Boxing

I have to be honest, the Manny Pacquiao vs. Tim Bradley fight kinda snuck up on me. Sure I watched the 24/7 episodes, but it wasn’t as interesting as the Money Mayweather episodes, so I wasn’t actually paying attention to when the fight was. But by time I got to Saturday night, I was actually hype for the fight. I was already on a sports high after watching the Heat put away the Celtics, so I was ready for the fight to start.

But then it didn’t start. Ol Jim Lampley gets on the screen saying they are basically waiting for the basketball game to end and they can’t find Manny Pacquiao. Wait, what? No one knows where Manny is? I should have known the fix was in as soon as that happened. Actually, if I had been paying attention and saw the pre-fight press conference I would have seen this and known the fix was in.

That is some high quality shit talking right there. Photoshop, a printer and everything. Even had the date lined up already and everything. But in retrospect, this doesn’t make me feel any better about what went down. For those of you who didn’t watch or didn’t read about it. From where I was sitting Manny Pacquiao looked like he beat up Tim Bradley for at least 10 of those 12 rounds. Bradley was rushing forward but the punches weren’t doing any damage. Manny was laying back a little, but was landing some crazy shots late in every round. He had Tim Bradley backing up in the corner, doing the stanky legg, looking turrible between rounds getting sprayed with a punk ass spray bottle. Manny never looked like he was into the fight. Tim Bradley was going to make $5 million on Saturday night and Manny was going to get $26 Million. Manny looked like he was just sparring and maybe that was the problem. If you don’t want to take my word for it, how about you just look at the post fight pictures.

Here’s Pac Man:

And here’s Tim Bradley:

Is that dude serious? He’s going postfight in a wheelchair? Manny looks like he wasn’t even in a fight.

Meanwhile, here’s the problem with Boxing. Bradley won on two scorecards. Ripped the belt. Broke Twitter. Was standing in the post fight interview talking about how he needed to watch the tape to find out how he won. Even Bradley didn’t know how he won. No one thinks boxing is legit anymore. The decisions don’t make sense. There are too many belts. People don’t have to fight other people if they don’t want to. Every dude with a 25-0 record with 23 knockouts got those knockouts against a bunch of dudes who didn’t know how to fight. By time they get to the pay per view main event they aren’t knocking anyone out anymore. Floyd Mayweather has 43 wins and 26 knockouts…when was the last time you say Floyd knock someone out? Every highlight reel where Floyd knocks someone out, he’s rocking a high top fade and fighting at 120 pounds.

So thanks boxing for signing everyone up for a fight no one wants to see in November. Pushing the Mayweather vs. Pacquiao back to long about Neveruary 32nd, 2014. Yep, the only fight anyone wants to see just inched closer to the world of unicorns and white rhinos. Which sucks.

I’m sure Floyd isn’t happy about his fight being pushed back, but I have to imagine he had a good laugh today when his PO rolled up and told him Manny lost. Then he realized that loss probably just cost him about $20 million if he ever does fight Manny.

See boxing? See what you did now? You messed it up for everyone. Fans are pissed. Bradley is in a wheelchair. Floyd’s crying. The whole fight game is messed up.

Boxing Man Up! It’s been horrible for a long time, but now your sport is a complete debacle.

Turrible dude.



Man Up Monday: Antonio Margarito, Manny Pacquaio and Especially Floyd Mayweather

Manny Pacquaio keeps on handling his business, taking all of the fights no one really wants to see.  First he beat up Josh Clottey, in a fight that no one gave a damn about, and Saturday night he whooped the hell out of Antonio Margarito.  I love comparing the pre-fight talk about Manny Pacquaio to the post fight interviews.  Pre-fight, Margarito was talking a lot of junk.  He was the bigger man, he was bringing Mexican pride into the ring, he had a crazy height advantage, a huge reach advantage and was the way bigger man bringing 17 extra pounds into the ring.  But none of that mattered, especially when you can’t really hit the guy in the ring with you.  Pacquaio made him look bad, really bad.

Margarito had one thing going for him. He knew at the beginning of this fight he was not going down and was not going to quit.  Unfortunately, it might have just cost him the rest of his career.  Everyone saw Margarito’s face blow up, but now we know he also ended up with a fractured orbital bone, and he really couldn’t see out of either eye by the end of the fight.  Even Manny was trying to get the ref to shut it down.  You know you are whoopin ass when you are the one asking the ref to let you stop whooping ass…I mean you’re in a fight.  Your job is to whoop ass.  The really crazy thing is that boxing has very specific and narrow weight classes for a reason.  There is a huge advantage based on weight.  Manny just won a 154 pound belt against a guy who weighed 165 in the unofficial weigh in by weighing in at 144 at the weigh in and putting on another 4 pounds before the fight.  Margarito just got his ass kicked by a 5’6″ 144 pound dude.  I know there are rules and this is a sport, but a 5’11” dude who probably walks around at 175 or so and is a professional fighter shouldn’t get beat up by a guy that size.

I guess Margarito isn’t such a badass without the bricks in his hands.  I wonder how many of his wins came because of the plaster of paris wraps instead of the actual skill. Was he a cheater his whole career, or just when he thought he was slowing down.  The technique was brilliant, plaster that hardens as you sweat?  In boxing, that pretty much raises a sport to assault with a deadly weapon.  That is what keeps boxing the dirtiest sport out there.  They find all kinds of new ways to cheat all the time.  Drugging the opposition, weights in the wraps, loaded gloves, roids.  Anything goes.  I’m calling for another retirement tonight.  Margarito has hopefully figured out that taking a good asswhoopin doesn’t make you a man.  Margarito might have just ended his career by fighting with one eye on Saturday.

But now back to the real question.  Is Money Mayweather gonna stop hitting late night McDonalds with 50 Cent long enough to take the last important fight ever?

It seems like Pacquaio is game, Money Mayweather knows he can take a punch after that Sugar Shane fight, so let’s just go ahead and make this happen.  Let’s agree on the blood tests, the hype is at a fever pitch and there is no other fight anyone cares about anymore.  I know Floyd Mayweather is a cocky bastard, but you have got to believe he’s paid attention to the fact that everyone who has decided to get in the ring with Manny finds out that the little man is packing a lot more heat than they thought he did.  He can’t think he’s the only one who knows how to deal with PacMan.  The best part about this fight is that in boxing, speed leaves all at once.  I know Floyd knows how to hide, and he looks like one of the fastest ever, but someone in that ring is going to look slow.  This fight means that someone is going to go Roy Jones Jr. and catch an asswhoopin in this one.  These guys need to Man Up and make it happen. It is the only fight that matters, all the rest of this is just window dressing.  Someone name another boxer you care about…exactly.


Manny Pacquaio Makes Jim Lampley Lose His Mind

For those of you who don’t watch a lot of boxing, Jim Lampley on HBO is great.  I’ve met him a few times and he is a really nice guy, and for me a fight isn’t really a fight unless he is on the call.

He is also one of the smartest guys out there.  His vocabulary is exemplary.  He is one of those guys who doesn’t let you get away with saying something is “very unique” because it is either unique or it isn’t.  I’m not saying he’s a dick about it, he just uses words carefully…which is what makes this next video hilarious.

Somehow, Manny Pacquaio beat Clottey up so badly, Jim Lampley turned into Pops from Boomerang.

In fact, I might need to run that “My Love Goes Bang, Bang, Bang” by Pops Williams and the Temptones. You can make a bad R&B song out of anything.

I feel like R. Kelly could really make a decent remix of that.


Lost Lake Files: WTF: Manny Pacquiao tries to sing on Kimmel?

Lake Arlington was the 2Pac, Prince, Biggie and Lil Wayne of blogging.  I just unearthed his lost posts from our archives.  Fully finished, never released old joints in the archives.  Here’s one on Manny Pacquiao.  Enjoy.

Look, I know dude is the biggest boxer, politician, star and yes, recording artist in all of the Philippines, but this is f*cking terrible from young Manuel Pacmeng.

Is this cat serious?  That’s just some awful karaoke.  I mean, I asked this little girl one of my side pieces claims is my daughter what she thought of that performance and all she said was this:


Dude, when in doubt (and you should be) just go with the lip-sync.  And is it too much to ask that when my man sings a song in English that the English version is what we hear?  I just gotta ask:


What kind of pig latin crooning am I hearing from this cat?  Jeez.  Dude, stick to knocking out fools in that squared circle.  Speaking of knocking out fools, I predict that Pac Mang really lays the lumber to Miggy Coto this weekend.  But yall are doing to have to tell me about it, because I’ll be damned if I pay for another boxing match.  Them days are ova!

– Lake

Pac Man Up Monday: Manny Pacquiao

Now see, this is why I’ve almost completely abandoned boxing.  I understand that it might be a good thing for every fighter to be able to call their own shots.  I understand that the fighters need to negotiate terms to protect themselves,  I understand there are about 30 different weight classes in boxing, but I hate it when I get cheated out of a great fight because of boxing politics.  I have an opinion about the person who is supposed to be the baddest man on the planet, especially the baddest boxer on the planet.  You’ve got to take the fight.  Manny Pacquiao is supposed to be the best pound for pound fighter on the planet.  I’ve heard Pacman fans say that Pacquiao can and will beat Floyd Mayweather (they are wrong) and Manny has about 10 belts.


But for some reason they can’t get together to get the fight on the books.  Manny is talking about the principalities of getting his blood drawn for banned substance testing within 30 days of the fights.  I don’t know if it is superstition, or if Manny loses his warrior spirit through his blood.  He would agree to the urine testing, I guess he’s got his Whizzinator game tight.  It is hard to accuse a man who only weighs 140 pounds of being on that juice, but I doth think the gentleman protests too much.  We’re talking about the biggest drawing fight of all time and the only fight anyone wants to see right now. (Other than my boy Money J who will watch a one armed man box a kangaroo, but he just loves the sweet science).  C’mon Pacquiao, I know you like to keep it cut up, but either give us a legit reason for not wanting to get your blood drawn, or submit to the tests.  Everyone knows you are the baddest dude shorter than most women in the world.


Those little weight in draws aren’t helping your argument here homey.  I know the Mayweather family is a pain in the ass to deal with, I know you don’t like them running their mouth and questioning whether or not you cheat, but let me assure you that not fighting Floyd isn’t going to stop them from running their mouths.  The Mayweather boys know this is the biggest money fight out there.  There really isn’t anyone else for Floyd to fight, and you know Floyd likes his money.


What else is he going to do?  Embarrass Sugar Shane?  Nah.  Beat up some other relative nobody in another “tune up fight”?  Doesn’t make much sense.  So Manny, stop crying, Man Up and make this fight happen.  The world needs this one.


I’m still bitter I didn’t get my Mike Tyson in his prime vs. Holyfield fight.  That was going to be epic in 1990, in 1996…not so much.

Manny Pacquiao…Man Up!


Man Up Monday: Oscar De La Hoya

Lately, Man Up Monday usually ends up being a call from someone to Man Up by manning down.  You know.  Hillary can Man Up by quitting.  Roy Jones can man up by retiring.  This one is going to be different.  Oscar De La Hoya caught a vicious ass whoopin on Saturday night at the hands of Manny Pacquiao.

Oscar has fought at 160 and has won titles in the 150’s where Manny is a real life 130 pound dude.  They were fighting at 147 which means that Manny has been eating pasta and steak and pounding protein shakes for the last two months…and it means that Oscar should have cut at least 8 pounds of water weight coming into the fight.  So I’m thinking Manny gets slower and isn’t used to the weight, and Oscar comes in as big strong Oscar, pushing Manny around the ring.  Boxing has weight classes every four damn pounds…Light fly middle welterweights apparently get their asses kicked by regular fly middle welterweights.  So they keep em separated.  That should be the deciding factor in the fight, right?  Larry Merchant said this fight was going to be a joke.


At the end of the night, Manny ended up with his hand raised.

Oscar needs to man up and not get his ass whooped by a guy who walks around at 130 pounds.  Seriously, dude is 5’6″ 130.  For real.

I’m not getting my ass whooped by that cat on principal.  Ok.  I know, I know, he’s a trained boxer, but fuck that.  I ain’t going out like that.  He might be boxing…but I’m gonna be in a fight.  Kicking knees, tackling that cat, Tyson style biting, Plaxico style gat toting.  I ain’t going out like that.

Oscar is a pro fighter.  35 is supposed to be the new 25.  Manny turns 30 next week, this cat isn’t exactly 22 either.  Oscar literally said he couldn’t pull the trigger, couldn’t get out of the way.  Sounds like a “step yo game up” problem to me.

When was the last time De La Hoya won a fight that mattered?  Mayorga in 2006?  The last time he knocked someone out was 2003.  You fight for a living, you should not get your ass whooped like that.

Oscar needs to Man Up and at least pretend like he wasn’t down with his corner throwing in the towel.  Boxers are supposed to act like they were surprised, like warriors who never say die.  Oscar just phoned it in from the stool.  That is terrible.

At least he has something to fall back on.  His singing career.

You know what…this is going in the wrong direction.  I just keep finding more things that Oscar needs to Man Up on. And I haven’t even gotten to this:

Dammit Oscar.  Here’s what I need you to do.  Go to the bank.  Withdraw a large sum of money.  Go wherever they make “Man Up”.  Walk in and say, “I’ll take all of this here.  Yeah, all of it”.

Oscar De La Hoya, Man Up!


————SELF UPDATE———————-

I usually only glance over these Oscar De La Hoya pics because of how turrible he is coming in these joints, but on second pass…ol girl with the slightly mannish face has some ass cheek poking out.  And I like it.