Manny Up Monday: Manny Ramirez

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Baseball season is back and we’ve already got our first big story. Manny Ramirez who was with the Dodgers last year and ended up with the Tampa Bay Rays this year abruptly retired a few days ago. Sure, there are guys like Barry Sanders who retire before their prime. There are guys like Barry Bonds who retire because no one actually pics them up for their team anymore. But Manny just disappeared 6 games into the season. Manny why did you do it?

We know why he did it, and this is the worst way to go out ever. For those who don’t know, Manny Ramirez got suspended for 50 games last season because he was on that stuff. I don’t feel bad for the fact that Manny felt like he had to do steroids. I feel bad for the fact that the dude did steroids and still looked like he worked out when he was jogging out to left field.

Let’s compare shall we? Mark McGwire looked like the incredible hulk.

Dude’s forearms were the same size as his neck. We don’t need to say much more.

Barry Bonds is STILL trying to defend himself for taking ‘roids. His head got all swollen, but at least he looked like an athlete.

Manny on the other hand?

He looks like he just found out there are some ribs back in the clubhouse and wants to take his gloves off so he doesn’t get barbecue sauce on his bat. The guy got caught LAST SEASON. Fully caught. Served a long suspension. Knew that he was on the watch list. Knew he didn’t have his game together so he wouldn’t get caught. Manny has his own personal approach to cheating. Catch me once, shame on me. Catch me twice, I’ve got to be the biggest dumbass on the face of the planet.

I don’t know what Manny was trying to accomplish this season, but he apparently didn’t have too much left in the tank because the 100 game suspension he was about to serve sounded like too much for Manny. Especially when he was like 1 for 18 this season so far. I guess the wait wasn’t going to be worth it. Manny thinks he can just close his eyes and pretend it didn’t happen. We all know we are going to get all the ugly details about his drug use in a few weeks.

The best part of all of this. A few weeks ago ESPN was running sport Science talking about how Manny is rededicated to the game, how he is working out harder ever than before, how he is in the best shape of his life and working on core training. I’m talking about trainer interviews and everything. Manny stretching, doing some yoga, core drills, all kinds of new age B.S. I’m pretty sure the trainer who was on TV talking all that junk feels like a complete asshole right now.

Manny has literally committed a Man Up Moment. This might be the most applicable Man Up ever. This dude literally quit on his team after he got caught cheating. A cheater and a quitter all at once. I might have to permanently change this to Manny Up Monday after this one.

Manny Ramirez…Man Up!

-Brock

Predictable: The Boston Red Sox Are Finished

Now see, I told cats that trading Manny Ramirez was going to come back to bite everyone in the arse.  Now look at the squad, they look f*cking awful.  And yes I said it yesterday, but could someone please warm up the damn bus!

Meanwhile, Manny is still KILLING IT and inspiring the millions and millions of Manny fans.

Hey, I aint got much more to say.

The trade was stupid, Jason Bay is a nice player, but Manny is a Hall of Famer who is STILL PLAYING LIKE IT and the Sox are now DEAD because of Theo Epstein’s inability to deal with the best player he’s ever had.

How embarrassing.

Done.

- Lake

Bring On the Rays: The Sox Make Short Work of the Angels

Now I won’t lie, things looked a bit dicey for a second there.

But in the end, all the fellas in that clubhouse manned up and got it done.  It was good to see Dustin “3 feet high and rising” Pedroia finally get the damn thing done.  And by the way, I’ve seen that cat in the streets of Boston, he actually looks MUCH shorter in person than on TV.  Like honestly, homey may be 5′, 5″….maybe.


Hey guys, what can I say, when you’re good at winning, it just shows.  Besides, any team that uses a “monkey” as their unofficial mascot deserves to lose. And by the way, before you irrelevant fans of teams that no longer matter bring up that Jason Bay slid into home for the win, note that Jed Lowry, the Boston rookie knocked in that winning single, NOT Bay.  You clowns are worse than the McCain-Palin campaign.  You’re totally irrelevant, but yet you want to bang on Lake for how I root for a team I follow.  Bay still aint Manny homey.  And if you’re still watching baseball, I know it’s hard, MANNY IS ON FIRE out in LA, ok?  If Manny were still on the Sox, he’d still be on fire.  See, Manny stays on fire and, lucky for the Sox, it seems that even without Manny, the Sox stay on fire.  And you know what else stays on fire?

Dasrite.  Haaaa, deal with it.  Moving on to the bigger fish the Sox have to fry, those that are actually still alive, these Ray will be ready for a fight.

Ahh, F+ck a Ray, the Sox have proven winners.  It won’t be long until the fellas will be riding on those duck boats, rolling up and down Bolyston.

Fresh to death.  Finally, yet me ask yall a question, if the Yankees aren’t even in the playoffs, why is Arod still nailing slump busters like he’s trying to get some cosmic baseball mojo?

I mean, is it just me?  Look at those wild arms.  Yuck.

- Lake

Hey Yankees Fans! You aint in the Playoffs, but….

This cat is:

And so are these cats.

Hey Yanks fans, Shaq, the Soxs and yes, your boy Lake Arlington would like you to:

TELL ME HOW MY ARSE TASTES!!! Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaahhhhh, haaaaaaa

I know, I know, “just wait until next year when we get CC Sabathia.”  Believe me, I know.  LOL.

And yes, my man Manny hit a home run out of the dirt en route to a victory for the Dodgers and the Sox cleaned up those Angels of Los Angeles near Aneheim…. ha

So good.  Enjoy the playoffs, but don’t forget….YANKEES SUCK.  ;)

- Lake