We’ve Gotten Soft: The “Controversial” Super Bowl Moment

Now that the Super Bowl is over, we can go back to talk about all the things that happened around the game. One of the favorite topics is always the halftime show. Madonna provided the halftime entertainment this year. First off, who said we needed a full blown concert in the middle of the biggest football game of the year? Sure, when you are in college, the pull out the band to keep people entertained as they do instrumental versions of “F You” by C-Lo Green while they make complex shapes and chicks with nude pantyhose spin flags. When the standard is that low, I don’t think people really expect to be amazed during halftime. What do you lose if you get rid of it? You’re telling me people weren’t going to come back to see the second half of a game that was 10-9 at the half?

Then everyone tries to make a big deal out of the fact that it takes eight minutes to put the stage together and seven to rip it back down. I don’t know about the clocks in your house, but over at my crib it was a good 15 minutes before Madonna hit the stage. It wasn’t exactly magical. I will say that giant video screen looked incredible on TV though.

So the big controversy was when Madonna broke out Nikki Minaj and M.I.A. for one song and M.I.A. threw up a middle finger during her verse. I don’t know about you, but M.I.A. was already dancing like such a wild banshee I missed the whole thing.

Without the pause and slow-mo, how was that move different from all the other stuff she did? It all looks like aggressive sign language. I have it on good authority that during the dance move at the 2 second mark she told all deaf people “If you ain’t got a gold chain crown and a leather codpiece you ain’t shit. You hear me?” And all deaf people could do is respond with a meek “no”, because they don’t have gold chain crowns, they don’t have cod pieces, and they actually could not hear her, so by comparison, the middle finger was actually pretty mild.

What happened to the old school Super Bowl controversies? Like when they thought Ray Lewis stabbed someone outside of a Krystal?

He got acquitted of the murder charges, but he should have still served time for that Dada jersey he has on. Criminal.

Or what about Prince and the giant penis guitar?

At this point, Prince has been so odd for so long, I believe there is a 35% chance that might be the actual shape of his dack.

Of course, there is the moment that started it all. I’m so desensitized to the Janet Jackson titty that I feel perfectly comfortable putting up on the site unedited.

Seriously. Isn’t that the most unexposed looking exposed titty in the history of titties? Is the left titty still mad at the right titty for becoming one of the most famous titties of all time? Titties are supposed to roll together, they are a set. Right titty was like fuck it, it’s my time to shine. I think the left titty is still bitter.

I just wrote titty more times in that paragraph than I’ve written in the entire history of this site.

I don’t know why they are so offended by a middle finger when the other band on the stage is called LMFAO. The generation gap can’t be more stark than when the Super Bowl committee is trying to choose the cleanest acts possible for the halftime show and they approve a group called “Laugh My Fucking Ass Off whose biggest song is called “I’m In Miami Bitch”.  That’s apple pie and middle America right there.

Who knows what the Super Bowl is going to do now? They already tried to make sure this never happened again by making sure everyone on the stage is over the age of 50. Next year they are going to have Aretha Franklin and Diana Ross with special guest Neil Sedaka.

If a titty comes out during that show, it will be a sign of the Rapture anyway. After that seeing a middle finger would be like a trip to Disney World.

-Brock