Kanye Claims He’s Yeezus. Is it the Work of the Devil?

Can Kanye drop one damn album without people claiming he’s the devil incarnate? I mean damn, can’t a brother call himself Yeezus without a backlash? [Read more...]

This is the (Second) Greatest Thing I’ve Ever Seen Ray J Do

Oh Ray J. I’m still not exactly sure why you’re famous. That’s not to say you aren’t actually famous or that you don’t deserve it. You act, you make music, you have famous family members. All the stuff that make famous people famous…Unfortunately, you also have all of the shit that makes people who aren’t actually real famous, famous too. [Read more...]

Man Up Monday: Kanye West

Kanye West has provided some of the best moments in WTF? history. He clearly jumped to the top of the list with the incredible “George Bush doesn’t care about Black people” bomb he dropped on live TV. I think Mike Myers is still shook.

Kanye can’t even get all the words out. Has Mike Myers made a movie since then? Shrek doesn’t count. Now you know Kanye really messed up when there is a Man Up Monday, and the thing Kanye did that we are NOT talking about is THIS.

Kanye has adopted the fill on abominable snowman outfit at a concert a few weeks ago. All White after Labor day is a bold choice. The skirt/tuxedo jacket/raincoat is inspired. But when he decided to put on the yeti mask, he went too far.

The real story is that Kanye knocked up Us Versus Them favorite Kim Kardashian. Now I know Kim has her own money but didn’t Kanye actually put out a song called “Gold Digger”? Or does he never go back to listen to his old music? Look, I’m not saying Kim’s a golddigger, I’m not. But…looking at her track record, from what I know, based on public information I could get my hands on, she does not appear to be messing with no broke ni**as.  Ray J, Reggie Bush, Kris Humphries and Kanye West? She’s clearly built a financial requirement over the years. I also suspect that she’s only up for dating guys who’s names begin with the letter K. Kris and Kanye would fit in perfectly with Kris, Kim, Kourtney and Khloe.

I’m just glad Kim wasn’t around in the early 90’s because there would be a three-way sex tape with Kris Kross. It would have been filmed on an incredibly unwieldy VHS tape at the time with a gigantic camera, but I could see it happening. It’s gotta suck to date a girl where you KNOW who her last five boyfriends were. Do you even ask a chick like that what her sex number is? Look, she was married to Kris, so you know he hit it. And he’s a seven footer. Reggie Bush played in the NFL so you have to assume he wouldn’t date her for that long without getting some, and we got Ray J on tape. Everyone saw him get it. That probably cuts a lot of conversations short.

Kanye, how are you just gonna baby mama up Kim Kardashian? Don’t get me wrong…

I can see why she might be fun to hang out with, but c’mon Ye? Have you just been on too many double dates with Jay and Beyonce and felt left out? Because Kanye and Kim ain’t not Jay-Z and Beyonce.

Anyone who has followed Kanye knows the dude is a real freak. The only question is how freaky did it get? Roleplay freaky?

I could see Kanye getting Stormtrooper/Princess Leia freaky. But I think he’d go even farther than that.

Exactly. Permed out lion, white boy with some headphones, and Princess Leia freaky. That’s how Ye gets down. In a Cosby sweater no less. Hell, that might actually be what their kid looks like. A silky haired cartoon character.

Kanye, You get the Man Up award this week, and you just made the cutoff to be considered for the 2012 UvT Awards. In fact, you might already have Man Up f the Decade locked up as well. Might as well wife her up at this point. I really want to see Kanye ice grilling in the Kardashian Family Picture, just struggling to fit in. Actually, with that Yeti outfit, he already fits in.

Looking good Yeezy. Is that Kobe? I shoulda known he wasn’t going to let an all white everything pic slide without him being involved.

Kanye, Man UP!

-Brock

12 Days of UvT Christmas: Santa

People love Christmas. As a result, they let a lot of things slide that wouldn’t normally be cool. Like a dude with a Santa costume will get anyone to sit on their lap. It’s a pretty good racket. Look how happy this dude is to have nothing between his junk and Kim Kardashian’s ass but a slinky dress and some red velvet.

That’s the power of a Santa costume. Kim doesn’t normally sit on your lap unless you are, #1. Black and #2. an athlete or R&B star.

Do you want to know who the most attention seeking guy in the world is though? The guy who grows out the Santa style beard and hair and rocks it year round. How are you gonna jack Santa’s style? How sad do you have to be to see a fat dude in a red suit and think that’s the image you want to portray.

Like this dude shut Disneyland the FACK DOWN this summer, he got kicked out of the park because he was driving kids crazy. But seriously, this guy had to know better.

Look, if you are a 300 pound man with long white hair…and you feel the need to rock a beard…you’ve already gone too far. But you CAN NOT go with the curly mustache and the wispy elfin eyebrows. He knows GOOD AND WELL he looks like Santa. He was probably rocking a red t-shirt too. What’s next, people trying to look like the Burger King?

That’s not a good look.

-Brock

It Would Actually Be More Surprising if Kanye DIDN’T Have a Sex Tape

If you think about it, we’re actually in a celebrity sex tape drought. I don’t mind, because I never watch them. I find them offensive and disgusting, but I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t at least discuss it. There have been sex tapes in every era. It wasn’t long ago when sex tapes were actual tapes. You couldn’t be slick either, video cameras were BIG. If you wanted to record a sex tape with this thing, everyone was in on it.

These days, you could drop an iPhone in the corner and have a video on the internet in 5 minutes. Back in the day there was the Pamela Anderson sextape with Tommy Lee. Right when Pam Anderson was one of the hottest women in the world. There was the R. Kelly sex tape, which because it may or may not feature in underage girl somehow simultaneously does and does not exist. Then there was the “famous for your sex tape” era, lead by Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian. Since then, virtually nothing. Sure, nude photos keep leaking out like clockwork, but have people finally learned to stop recording sex tapes?

No. Apparently not.

Kanye West is rumored to have a sex tape.

Kanye might be the one guy who will literally suffer no ill effects from the release of the sextape. He’s already a completely wild dude. It can’t hurt his career, he’s a rapper. It can’t hurt his relationship, what’s Kim gonna do, get mad at him for having a sex tape? I know how Kanye is going to react if she ever tries to check him on it.

The only thing that would make it better is if the sex tape gods gave us a second Kim Kardashian sex tape? There is no way that’s happening until Kim’s popularity begins to fade ever again. Next best thing though? Kanye has a “type” apparently this girl is a Kimmy K look alike.

It wouldn’t be Us Versus Them if we didn’t get to meet her.

Welcome to Kanye’s life people. This would be an excellent episode of “what’s wrong with this picture” if I actually believed anyone would look at anything but the woman in the picture. I have to admit, she does seem to resemble Kim in the most important ways.

I’m talking about her long hair and smoky eyes, you degenerates.

We’re gonna ignore the fact she’s taking bathroom pictures and appears to have a patch of carpet on top of her toilet, but I’m not mad at Kanye. He name is Mony Monn (I will give her mama the benefit of the doubt and assume her name is “Monica” on her birth certificate). And she is allegedly the woman in the tape. I say allegedly because people are STILL saying it is Kim and she’s trying to cover it up just to point the finger at a booty doppelganger. Like Kim just found a chick who looked like her and stashed her for just this kind of emergency. Hilarious.

 We’re gonna need one more pic for reference purposes.

Pro tip…If you meet a girl who is a professional at taking cell phone pics of her own ass, you’ve either found a girl so in touch with herself she’s identified her best assets, or a girl who is setting your ass up. There are literally dozens of pictures of her in this pose. I know you all, you’ll Google it.

I’m not expecting Kanye to release a regular sextape. He’s gotta release the flyest sextape ever. I don’t expect this to get leaked. ‘Ye is about to get the footage himself, lay some hot tracks over it, edit a few scenes to make it day-glow, and sell it direct online.

I expect nothing less from Kanye.

-Brock

Come on Bruh! Kanye West Has a Hip Slip

Now I personally prefer a nip slip, but this is too wild to pass up. Now I haven’t talked about the Kanye West and Kim Kardashian relationship yet, and the relationship already seems pretty ridiculous. We all know Kanye likes bad chicks though, so for him…why not? Kanye was getting out of a car with Kim the other day and this happened:

First of all, no grown man should have his pants riding so low it is possible for the thigh to come out, especially  if he’s rocking a velvet blazer. Second, anytime your draws situation allows for the display of that much thigh…you need to reevaluate your draws situation. Even Kanye thinks this situation is a little funny.

Maybe not.

Come on Bruh!

-Brock

March Madnass Round of 32: See It From the Front Division

This division got more votes than any other. Laura Dore is a finalist from last year, Kim Kardashian is always a force to be reckoned with and Vanessa Veasley and Ayisha Diaz are just bad in general. Once again, I’m pulling as many of these pics off twitter as possible, but these ladies are all rocking the “official” pics. Not too many behind the scenes pics.

Voting starts now!

 

Laura Dore vs. Joanna Pena

Esther Baxter vs. Marisa Elise

Kim Kardashian vs. Diora Baird

 

Vanessa Veasley vs. Ayisha Diaz

 

March Madnass 2012: See It From The Front Division

Sorry for the delay, but your (almost) daily dose of the baddest chicks in the world is here. I’ll probably get the last one up later tonight.

The See it From the Front Division kicks off now. There are probably a lot more regular chicks in this bracket than the others. This might also be the leaked pic and sex tape division. I don’t have the leaked Olivia Munn pictures, but Friend of the Program Turd Ferguson has them on his site HERE. Feel free to use those pictures to supplement the material I’ve provided for voting purposes. Or any other purposes you may find fit…you sick bastards. (Says the guy who set up a tournament style competition to find the baddest chick in the world).

Enjoy,

– Brock

 

1. Laura Dore [video]

16. Jackie Guerrido [video]

 

2. Esther Baxter [video]

15. Nicole Scherzinger [video]

 

3. Kim Kardashian [video] (how much do you think  I wanted to link to the OTHER video?)

14. Rosee Divine [video]

 

4. Vanessa Veasley [video]

13. Nilanti Narain [video]

 

5. Ayisha Diaz [video]

12. Minka Kelly [video]

 

6. Brooklyn Decker [video]

11. Diora Baird [video]

 

7. Olivia Munn [video]

10. Marisa Elise [video]

 

8. Adriana Lima [video]

9. Joanna Pena [video] [NSFW]