Oh Ray J. I’m still not exactly sure why you’re famous. That’s not to say you aren’t actually famous or that you don’t deserve it. You act, you make music, you have famous family members. All the stuff that make famous people famous…Unfortunately, you also have all of the shit that makes people who aren’t actually real famous, famous too. [Read more...]
Kanye West has provided some of the best moments in WTF? history. He clearly jumped to the top of the list with the incredible “George Bush doesn’t care about Black people” bomb he dropped on live TV. I think Mike Myers is still shook.
Kanye can’t even get all the words out. Has Mike Myers made a movie since then? Shrek doesn’t count. Now you know Kanye really messed up when there is a Man Up Monday, and the thing Kanye did that we are NOT talking about is THIS.
Kanye has adopted the fill on abominable snowman outfit at a concert a few weeks ago. All White after Labor day is a bold choice. The skirt/tuxedo jacket/raincoat is inspired. But when he decided to put on the yeti mask, he went too far.
The real story is that Kanye knocked up Us Versus Them favorite Kim Kardashian. Now I know Kim has her own money but didn’t Kanye actually put out a song called “Gold Digger”? Or does he never go back to listen to his old music? Look, I’m not saying Kim’s a golddigger, I’m not. But…looking at her track record, from what I know, based on public information I could get my hands on, she does not appear to be messing with no broke ni**as. Ray J, Reggie Bush, Kris Humphries and Kanye West? She’s clearly built a financial requirement over the years. I also suspect that she’s only up for dating guys who’s names begin with the letter K. Kris and Kanye would fit in perfectly with Kris, Kim, Kourtney and Khloe.
I’m just glad Kim wasn’t around in the early 90′s because there would be a three-way sex tape with Kris Kross. It would have been filmed on an incredibly unwieldy VHS tape at the time with a gigantic camera, but I could see it happening. It’s gotta suck to date a girl where you KNOW who her last five boyfriends were. Do you even ask a chick like that what her sex number is? Look, she was married to Kris, so you know he hit it. And he’s a seven footer. Reggie Bush played in the NFL so you have to assume he wouldn’t date her for that long without getting some, and we got Ray J on tape. Everyone saw him get it. That probably cuts a lot of conversations short.
Kanye, how are you just gonna baby mama up Kim Kardashian? Don’t get me wrong…
I can see why she might be fun to hang out with, but c’mon Ye? Have you just been on too many double dates with Jay and Beyonce and felt left out? Because Kanye and Kim ain’t not Jay-Z and Beyonce.
Anyone who has followed Kanye knows the dude is a real freak. The only question is how freaky did it get? Roleplay freaky?
I could see Kanye getting Stormtrooper/Princess Leia freaky. But I think he’d go even farther than that.
Exactly. Permed out lion, white boy with some headphones, and Princess Leia freaky. That’s how Ye gets down. In a Cosby sweater no less. Hell, that might actually be what their kid looks like. A silky haired cartoon character.
Kanye, You get the Man Up award this week, and you just made the cutoff to be considered for the 2012 UvT Awards. In fact, you might already have Man Up f the Decade locked up as well. Might as well wife her up at this point. I really want to see Kanye ice grilling in the Kardashian Family Picture, just struggling to fit in. Actually, with that Yeti outfit, he already fits in.
Looking good Yeezy. Is that Kobe? I shoulda known he wasn’t going to let an all white everything pic slide without him being involved.
Kanye, Man UP!
People love Christmas. As a result, they let a lot of things slide that wouldn’t normally be cool. Like a dude with a Santa costume will get anyone to sit on their lap. It’s a pretty good racket. Look how happy this dude is to have nothing between his junk and Kim Kardashian’s ass but a slinky dress and some red velvet.
That’s the power of a Santa costume. Kim doesn’t normally sit on your lap unless you are, #1. Black and #2. an athlete or R&B star.
Do you want to know who the most attention seeking guy in the world is though? The guy who grows out the Santa style beard and hair and rocks it year round. How are you gonna jack Santa’s style? How sad do you have to be to see a fat dude in a red suit and think that’s the image you want to portray.
Like this dude shut Disneyland the FACK DOWN this summer, he got kicked out of the park because he was driving kids crazy. But seriously, this guy had to know better.
Look, if you are a 300 pound man with long white hair…and you feel the need to rock a beard…you’ve already gone too far. But you CAN NOT go with the curly mustache and the wispy elfin eyebrows. He knows GOOD AND WELL he looks like Santa. He was probably rocking a red t-shirt too. What’s next, people trying to look like the Burger King?
That’s not a good look.
If you think about it, we’re actually in a celebrity sex tape drought. I don’t mind, because I never watch them. I find them offensive and disgusting, but I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t at least discuss it. There have been sex tapes in every era. It wasn’t long ago when sex tapes were actual tapes. You couldn’t be slick either, video cameras were BIG. If you wanted to record a sex tape with this thing, everyone was in on it.
These days, you could drop an iPhone in the corner and have a video on the internet in 5 minutes. Back in the day there was the Pamela Anderson sextape with Tommy Lee. Right when Pam Anderson was one of the hottest women in the world. There was the R. Kelly sex tape, which because it may or may not feature in underage girl somehow simultaneously does and does not exist. Then there was the “famous for your sex tape” era, lead by Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian. Since then, virtually nothing. Sure, nude photos keep leaking out like clockwork, but have people finally learned to stop recording sex tapes?
No. Apparently not.
Kanye West is rumored to have a sex tape.
Kanye might be the one guy who will literally suffer no ill effects from the release of the sextape. He’s already a completely wild dude. It can’t hurt his career, he’s a rapper. It can’t hurt his relationship, what’s Kim gonna do, get mad at him for having a sex tape? I know how Kanye is going to react if she ever tries to check him on it.
The only thing that would make it better is if the sex tape gods gave us a second Kim Kardashian sex tape? There is no way that’s happening
until Kim’s popularity begins to fade ever again. Next best thing though? Kanye has a “type” apparently this girl is a Kimmy K look alike.
It wouldn’t be Us Versus Them if we didn’t get to meet her.
Welcome to Kanye’s life people. This would be an excellent episode of “what’s wrong with this picture” if I actually believed anyone would look at anything but the woman in the picture. I have to admit, she does seem to resemble Kim in the most important ways.
I’m talking about her long hair and smoky eyes, you degenerates.
We’re gonna ignore the fact she’s taking bathroom pictures and appears to have a patch of carpet on top of her toilet, but I’m not mad at Kanye. He name is Mony Monn (I will give her mama the benefit of the doubt and assume her name is “Monica” on her birth certificate). And she is allegedly the woman in the tape. I say allegedly because people are STILL saying it is Kim and she’s trying to cover it up just to point the finger at a booty doppelganger. Like Kim just found a chick who looked like her and stashed her for just this kind of emergency. Hilarious.
We’re gonna need one more pic for reference purposes.
Pro tip…If you meet a girl who is a professional at taking cell phone pics of her own ass, you’ve either found a girl so in touch with herself she’s identified her best assets, or a girl who is setting your ass up. There are literally dozens of pictures of her in this pose. I know you all, you’ll Google it.
I’m not expecting Kanye to release a regular sextape. He’s gotta release the flyest sextape ever. I don’t expect this to get leaked. ‘Ye is about to get the footage himself, lay some hot tracks over it, edit a few scenes to make it day-glow, and sell it direct online.
I expect nothing less from Kanye.
Now I personally prefer a nip slip, but this is too wild to pass up. Now I haven’t talked about the Kanye West and Kim Kardashian relationship yet, and the relationship already seems pretty ridiculous. We all know Kanye likes bad chicks though, so for him…why not? Kanye was getting out of a car with Kim the other day and this happened:
First of all, no grown man should have his pants riding so low it is possible for the thigh to come out, especially if he’s rocking a velvet blazer. Second, anytime your draws situation allows for the display of that much thigh…you need to reevaluate your draws situation. Even Kanye thinks this situation is a little funny.
Come on Bruh!
This division got more votes than any other. Laura Dore is a finalist from last year, Kim Kardashian is always a force to be reckoned with and Vanessa Veasley and Ayisha Diaz are just bad in general. Once again, I’m pulling as many of these pics off twitter as possible, but these ladies are all rocking the “official” pics. Not too many behind the scenes pics.
Voting starts now!
Laura Dore vs. Joanna Pena
Esther Baxter vs. Marisa Elise
Kim Kardashian vs. Diora Baird
Vanessa Veasley vs. Ayisha Diaz
Sorry for the delay, but your (almost) daily dose of the baddest chicks in the world is here. I’ll probably get the last one up later tonight.
The See it From the Front Division kicks off now. There are probably a lot more regular chicks in this bracket than the others. This might also be the leaked pic and sex tape division. I don’t have the leaked Olivia Munn pictures, but Friend of the Program Turd Ferguson has them on his site HERE. Feel free to use those pictures to supplement the material I’ve provided for voting purposes. Or any other purposes you may find fit…you sick bastards. (Says the guy who set up a tournament style competition to find the baddest chick in the world).
Sure, I’ve written more than 50 Man Up Monday columns this year, but as always, the Man Up of the year is special. We’ve
talked shit about honored the Balloon boy’s dad in 2009 (you probably don’t even remember that dude he needed to Man Up so badly, and last year we gave the Man Up treatment to Brett Favre (who still might call the Broncos this week to try to get them into the playoffs and lead them to a Superbowl).
So it came down to a few choices of the most ridiculous stories of the year. Of course we had Jerry Sandusky and the Penn State scandal.
There are only a few problems with this one. First, as you can see from this picture, Jerry Sandusky literally doesn’t get it. He’s being investigated for molesting boys in showers and he gets arrested in his crib while wearing a Penn State WRESTLING jacket?!?!?! What. The. Fuck. He thought that was a good idea? He didn’t think he wanted to burn that jacket? It makes me think this dude may literally be mentally impaired, and I don’t make fun of people who can’t mentally defend themselves. Second, this dude might be the devil himself. I don’t want to get dragged into the depths of hell for exposing the devil in human form. Third, it’s hard to make fun of a dude that sick. Excluding the entire paragraph preceding this sentence.
So that leaves us with one man who was made to look like the biggest bitch of the year.
And no, I’m not just talking about his decision to wear that outfit. Although, he just earned some additional heat for allowing this picture to exist on the internet.
We should have known Kris Humphries was doomed when he decided to propose to Kim Kardashian on the same day that all the crazies were claiming was the apocalypse. Can you believe this guy got engaged, had a celebrity wedding, a honeymoon and got divorced since May? His entire relationship from top to bottom was shorter than the NBA lockout. The NBA was able to negotiate a billion dollars between 30 owners and hundreds of players before Kris was able to figure out how to deal with this.
I think that is marked “never before seen” because Kris never really figured out one of the great puzzles of the universe…Kim Kardashians ass. Hell, that clip makes it looks like Kim is still learning how to use her own equipment.
Here’s the worst part. Kris Humphries is an utterly irrelevant NBA player on the most irrelevant team in the league. Deron Williams helped…some. Moving the Nets to Brooklyn will help…some. But when the most recognizable part of the Nets, Jay-Z said “the Nets could go 0-82 and I’d look at you like this shits gravy” he didn’t exactly help their credibility.
That shit cray…ain’t it Jay?
Seriously though. There was a poll last year on “the most hated player in the NBA” and it was LeBron James for that horrible decision to say he was “taking his talents to South Beach” in a live interview. (Now Lebron has the most hated hairline in basketball. Seriously, can’t MJ, Charles Barkley and Vince Carter pull him to the side and let him know it is time to let go?) This year, Kris Humphries was the most hated. The only people who should hate him are Nets fans who see him getting a $8 Million contract this year and being a career 6 points and 5 rebounds guy. How can you hate a guy who has that little impact on the game?
Hell, how did Kim Kardashian decide to date a guy so irrelevant. I mean Kim Kardashian dated Reggie Bush. He was one of the greatest college football players ever and the dude who cost me the UvT Fantasy football title this year, not some random corner back from Wake Forest. You gotta stay on the level of your status. Reggie Bush was the best back of his era, and Kim Kardashian has the best backside of her era. It works. Or when she decided to date in the music industry. She didn’t just date that random dude from N’Sync who’s name I don’t remember who always ended up in the corner of all the pictures., she dated Ray-J. Wait a minute…Kris Humphries is pretty much the Ray-J of the NBA. My bad, Kim is being pretty consistent.
After the divorce. After the marriage was called a scam. After Kris was (and still is getting) publicly embarrassed on the Kardashian TV show. He gets kicked in the ass with this on his way out of the door.
It pretty much doesn’t get worse than being called gay by your ex on the cover of a national magazine. They didn’t even phrase it as a question. That is a straight up statement of fact. I’m actually scared of “What Khloe saw” at this point.
So Kris Humphries. You have the dubious distinction of getting the Man Up of the year. Just like LeBron, Mike Vick, Tiger Woods and any other sports figure who comes under fire, you can fight this and make it all go away by winning. That clears up all sins. Vegas currently has the Nets at 75/1 odds to take it all home. Good luck with that. Here’s a tip though. Here’s the hardest thing you ever did and somehow it just made you look like an asshole. Here was your Man Up moment and you messed it all up.
What are you 5? You can guarantee Kim was gonna make you pay for that one. Girls generally don’t find getting dropped in the water from 15 feet funny. FYI.
That doesn’t mean that clip isn’t hilarious. Kim really was not expecting that one.
Kris Humphries Man Up! You’ve gone from obscurity to infamy as the worst cat out there. You are literally famous for being terrible. That’s pretty much the worst kind of fame you can have.