Assology 107: Epic Ass Featuring Kim Kardashian

Usually the tenets of Assology demand that I only discuss a certain type of ass.  Assology 101 covered the basics. The Negative Arse, the Muffin Top, and the Athletic Ass, and the Stacked too tight in those jeans ass.  Assology 103 covered the Unexpected Ass…like Mena Suvari.  But Kim Kardashian just showed up in some pics that deserve a post of their own.  There are only a few great asses in history.  Just a few that have withstood the test of time. Pam Grier dominated the 70’s. J.Lo held down the late 90’s.  Britney Spears revolutionized White girl tail in 2001.  Now we are in the era of Kim Kardashian.

Is she serious?  I might have to call this the Dan Patrick Ass.  You can’t stop it you can only hope to contain it.  Now she knew good and well when she left the house that bathing suit had no hope of containing that ass piece.  That picture has her looking better than ever too.  There are a lot of angles of Kim that don’t do her justice.  She had slipped a few notches in a couple pictures that came out over the last year.  But she is looking fit and ready to rock.  How about that Us Versus Them Angle 2?

I really can’t believe what I’m seeing right here.  This is a unretouched paparazzi pic and she is still hitting Us with that superflat stomach game?  That is what makes this ass epic.  Once in a generation.  Standard setting. In fact, I have to admit that Kardashian’s J’s really round out the whole package.  I mean, she isn’t even wearing high heels!  Can you imaging if she was an attention whore like Heidi Montag and faked all her beach shots?  I know what the haters are gonna say, that blue line on her stomach looks blurry and a little too crisp.  What about that close up angle 2 to prove em wrong…

I’ll start with the stomach game because it is real proper-like.  She must stay up in the gym just workin on her fitness like Fergie, because this chick is coming with that flawless body right now.  Now that tail?  We might need to start a federal investigation into the science of gene splicing and inter-species mating because I think Kim Kardashian’s mom might just be that half-reindeer that Nelly was talking about.

Now I know this post is about ass, but I’ve got to share this one too.

Look, this chick is clicking on all cylinders right now.  J, stomach, hair, shoulders.  She’s making it happen. I guess once she broke up with Reggie, she had to tighten the game back up.

So there it is, the Epic Ass.  Who will be next?  Who will step up to represent the perfect ass for the next decade?  Who will break through the clutter to become a pop culture reference just for that tail?  I don’t know, but you can guarantee I’ll be there.  I need a close up of that Dan Patrick one more time…

Maaaaaaan, Ray J wasn’t hittin that right!  The fatter the berry the sweeter the juice.