Ridiculous: Mickey Mouse Club

The Mickey Mouse Club was good for…actually I don’t know what it was good for, but I’m guessing it was solid entertainment for some cross section of parents who were willing to let their kids listen to oddly reworked R&B and pop songs of the day get translated by a bunch of 12 year olds.  I’ll give them this, they had some killer talent scouts because they ran Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake and Christina Aguilera all on the same show.

Yeah, that whole right side over there has sold more than 215 million records worldwide.  I don’t know who that brother in the middle is, but I’m pretty sure he’s either pissed off at the world and drowning his sorrows in cocaine and Hennessy or trying to holla at Britney so he can get some of that good Federline baby-daddy money.  So those are basically the best and most successful 30 year old singers in the country.  Who does that now?  Is it Nickelodeon because they have Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers?  If they learn how to pimp Justin Beiber they would own the minds of every 12 year old girl on the planet.

How crazy was the Mickey Mouse Club?  So crazy they can take one of the greatest songs, “Cry For You”, by one of the greatest groups, Jodeci, and make it half turrible.

Okay fine, Justin kinda kills it with the high notes.  And yes, that is actor Ryan Gosling and JC Chasez from N’Sync in the clip too.  Those outfits are ridiculous as is Justin talking about “begging on his knees”.  I don’t know if all of those screaming little girls were listening to the song too closely, but I’ve done an awful lot of fuckin to that song so uhhhhh…that ain’t right.

I’ve decided I’m going to start a foundation for the Lost Brothers of the Mickey Mouse Club.  We’re gonna do a Behind the Music and an all black Mickey Mouse Club reunion show.  It will be like a broke ass karaoke version of New Edition, just like B2K.  I’m gonna call them Black Mouse Down.  We’re gonna get paid.

I’m a visionary.

-Brock

Man Up Monday: Justin Timberlake

Justin Timberlake is a cool ass dude.  He might be the flyest nilla out there (even Lake has to give that up) but we all know he’s got a little punk in him.  So check out this run in he had with the Paparazzi last week.  First, my man goes hard.  Like, “you got something to say, say it to my face.”

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Followed by:  Awwwwwwww, hell, this paparazzi cat is kinda big.  He looks like he’s not going to take any B.S. from me.

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Then Justin decided to look into his eyes to see what his chances were.  All he got back was a big dose of “I wish a nilla would.”

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Yeah, you can go hard when your bodyguards are there.  But you forget that real people have problems when you’re a multimillionaire.  There is nothing in the world this cat wants more than for JT to give him a reason to whoop his ass.  Then he’d probably end up suing himfor assault and breaking his camera.  Justin decides that today is not the day.

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Man, you can’t call a cat out then walk away.  The hotel staff would have helped him out.  There is nothing worse than starting something then finding out that you are in over your head.  There is only one thing to do in that situation…Man Up!  Maybe next time Justin.

-Brock

Best White Dude Ever: Justin Timberlake

It kind of goes without saying, but since Mr. JT has recently been back in the news for all this FCC/Supreme Court stuff, I figured I’d just reiterate it.  I mean, is there anything this cat hasn’t done?

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I mean, he’s the one who pulled that J out, but nobody ever blamed him.  Nah, it’s gotta be the cougar’s fault (though I admit that it usually is).  Plus,

1.  Dude is hilarious

2.  The music is dope

Hot

Fire

Hype

3.  His women are riiiiiiidiculous.  Think about the pieces he’s had in his pocket like so many nickels and dimes.

Britney Spears when she was bad as sh*t

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Alyssa Milano

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Cameron Diaz

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Well, nobody’s perfect.  Diaz is terrible.

Scarlett Johannson and them tig ole bitties:

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I said dem bitties:

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Jessica Biel, not now, but RIGHT NOW:

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Plus face:

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I mean, damn.  This cat has had every chick worth having short of Angelina, Halle Berry and Beyonce.  And let’s be clear, he very well could have hit any one of ALL of those babes too.  These are just the chicks we can confirm!

But it aint all positive.  Let’s not forget the Single Ladies debacle.

Sorry dude, but I don’t trust any man who can move his body like that…you were a little bit too convincing.  Plus, the unitard is only funny, when it doesn’t look like a legitimate outfit for you.  Dudes with the beer belly..something.  Not you, looking like you just showed up for dancing witht he stars practice.  Yikes.

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– Lake

Justin Timberlake Puts Something Else in the Box!

J.T. gets his Obama on:

I know that the original “Dick in the Box” is one of Lake’s favorites.  I think it is because he actually used to dress like Color Me Badd back in the day, fake hightop and all.  But honestly, this isn’t about Justin.  Did you see the way Jessica Biel just dropped right into the beat back there?  I mean he struck up the beat and she immediately turned it to the side and started shakin that ass like she was on Soul Train.  And in case you forgot…

That tail game is a perfect 8 on the WGTS (White Girl Tail Scale).

Seriously though.  Justin was with Britney when she was still bad, Cameron Diaz when she was still relevant, and now Jessica Biel.  He really holds down the baddest babes in the game.  Somewhere out there there is some young unknown, bad as hell chick about to break into the game just marinating.  Justin already has her lined up for 2012 right now.  The dude just doesn’t stop.

-Brock