Kate Upton’s Boobs Defy Gravity!

I got this video link sent to be about a billion times over the last two days. I think a few people hit me on Twitter, email, Facebook, all that. We all know Kate Upton from her Dougie video. But now she’s doing another dance, I haven’t exactly seen this version before…but you know what I like it. Kate Upton, damn near naked, rocking the Cat Daddy.

I have to say my favorite part of the video is she really warms it up slow until the beat drops. Also, the chick goes hard as hell for these dances. I also don’t know where she got this level of confidence, but I think her J’s should have busted free from that top about four or five times during that video. She is committed to rocking these joints as hard as she can. That’s why you have to love cute girls, she’s not the worlds greatest dancer, but she is getting all the bonus points she can. Bonus, she was in Terry Richardson’s studio, so we get a few extra flicks out of the deal. There may be other sites that just hit you with the video, but you know here at Us Versus Them we go the extra mile. You can get more pics at Terry’s blog.

We have Kate with her Jay-Z, New York swag.

The her trademark “disappearing bikini bottom” shot.

I think Kate is actually lucky she doesn’t have hips or ass, or she wouldn’t be able to wear that bikini.

Also, and I think I’ve mentioned this before, and I’m not a dude who is into J’s, but damn.

Just damn. I look at it this way. I am the worlds leading purveyor of assology and she looks like she is wearing Coco T on her chest. So I see how I might get sucked into appreciating her appeal.

-Brock

 

Watch out Hooters, Here comes Canz!

When was the last time you went to Hooters? It is one of those concepts that sounds incredible to a 14 year old boy, but once you’ve actually had sex it is the saddest way possible to get a dozen hot wings. Bottom line:

It doesn’t matter if girls with big boobs are throwing up the shocker, chicks in nude pantyhose and shorts from 1980 are not hot. That look might have been sexy when the restaurant was opened in 1983 because the chick from Weird Science would have looked good in it, but that doesn’t make it right. For some reason Hooters refuses to change with the times. Yes, it is really funny that your restaurant name has a double meaning. Yes, we get that the double O in Hooters looks like boobs. But every comedian knows that it is a rare joke that stays funny for 30 years. Hooters just has nothing going for them.

Okay fine. There may be one or two people who look good in a Hooters uniform. But Meagan Good looks good in just about everything. Which brings us to Canz. Canz decided to pull a full on swagger jack of Hooters, but in a good way. Check the updated concept.

Canz takes a bunch of chicks from Long Island and throws them in some cutoff jean shorts and some workboots and lets em pass out bar food.

No running shorts, no tights. I mean sure, Jersey Girls might not be the highest, best use of this concept, but it is an upgrade nonetheless. Get it, Canz are also another name for boobs! Same joke! Who really cares when you have boobs and bar food?
So, with that in mind, and with all of you fully familiar with the vernacular of Team Us, it is time to introduce you to the new restaurant concept by Us Versus Them.

Yup, we are opening a new restaurant called J’s. We haven’t quite settled on the outfit yet, but I’m open for suggestions. I was thinking the outfit Dawn has on here.

But then I’d have to change the name of the restaurant from J’s to Tails.

-Brock

————–UPDATE—————

I should have known my home city of Atlanta would take the concept a little too far. My man Catfish (who has a hot twitter feed @Catf1sh) mentioned a spot called RedFox in ATL. Check how they get down.

You know, a few years ago, before I left the ATL, a law was passed that said that all strip clubs, to maintain their license were required to sell food. First, that’s disgusting. Second, those people had clearly never been to a strip club. Nobody wants stripper dust with all that glitter in their cheese sticks. Anyway, there was clearly some enterprising young brother who heard that and said to himself…Instead of putting food in a strip club, what if we put a strip club in your food? And Red Fox was born. You can’t ATL drop and twerk it with a apron on looking like a hood cumberbund. Or did they elect to go with the high skirt to cover potential stretch marks and c-scars? Can’t call it, all turrible though.

-Brock

Eva Amurri: She Got It From Her Mama!

So I’m a dude who follows the J-game pretty closely. (read: very closely). You know, typical stuff like keeping a list in my head of the top players in the game. Hall of famers, 40-somethings, rookies, so forth. So when I heard that Susan Sarandon’s daughter was bout to pop up in a few skripping scenes on the show Californication, my curiosity was piqued. I mean… Susan Sarandon has put in some work in this here game:

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She was bad back in the day, but how did it hold up?

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(damn, Sue…)

But I had never really heard of her daughter, Eva Amurri. And wasn’t quite sure if the next generation could really bring the heat like that. So, like the good sleuth that I am, I dug in on the internets to find some info on the chick.

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Ok, we might be working with something. But let’s just clarify this. Lil Mama can you help me out on this one?

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Still curious. Let’s just zoom in for an angle 1, shall we?

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OK, OK! We’re good to go here. [applause]. Unfortunately, young Eva has failed to even give us even an angle 1.5. And so far, the angle 1.2s don’t look promising. So I dug deeper. Now I wouldn’t know for sure, but I’m almost positive the Brits might have an extra NSFW look at this development. Yes. Yes, they do! [that is about a 4 on the NSFW scale. Ed.]

[Stone Phillips Voice]  But no one was prepared for what would come next…

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Well, Eva, thanks for playing. Stay in touch. We’ll keep an eye out for you. But… no, baby. Don’t give me those doe eyes. You know your boy Slick still loves you. You’re still coming over later, right? m-Kay-bye. Ha. Fellas, just remember where she got it from. And that there are many, many ways to love your woman.

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Sho ‘nuff!

-Slick Jefferson

That Ain’t Right: Shake Weight

I understand that some inventions just aren’t going to make a lot of sense.  I also understand that there are things just for the ladies that I don’t understand.  I also understand that guys only think about sex all the time.  Sometimes all of those things come together in odd ways, but that still doesn’t explain why someone things something like this is reasonable.

Right, and I have just a few questions about that:

Why was it designed specifically for women?

I wish I knew I could have gotten a hand job by telling a chick that I could teach her about “dynamic inertia”

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Ladies, you should always use two hands.

I would like to try the “behind the neck technique”

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I could probably cut your exercise routine down to 3 minutes a day.

The shake weight is the most graphic example of silliness, but there is another product that is almost as bad.  Apparently, women have a major problem with their body parts during the night because now they are supporting the J’s in the middle of the night.  Check out the Kush Support.

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Is this really a problem for the ladies?  Once again, let me let you all in on a little secret.  If there are ladies out there who need a hard, cylinder shaped object to nestle between your breasts in the middle of the night, I’m sure there are several men out there to help you.  I’m sure there are plenty of sleeping positions that can accommodate this need.  It will put an even bigger smile on your face too.

What is next, Jaw supports?  Tail lifters?  Let’s see if we can make it a little more unintentionally graphic next time.

-Brock

The Bright Side of The Recession: Flash Mountain is Back!

Everyone talks about the recession like it is a bad thing.  People losing jobs, housing prices dropping, companies tapping out, it isn’t supposed to be a good thing.  I think it is turning up now though.  You’ve got to look at the good side of the recession.  Maybe your drive to work doesn’t have as much traffic.  Maybe you got your crib at low rates.  Still don’t have anything?  Well, I’ll give you one bright side to people losing their jobs.  People with bullshit jobs are getting fired too.  The first ones to go?  They got fired from the happiest place on earth.  That’s right, Disneyland is swinging the hatchet.  Mickey is getting gangster.

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Don’t feel bad for them though.  It really was a B.S. job.  Check this.  Back in the day, when Disneyworld introduced pictures that were taken as people went down Splash Mountain a new trend emerged.  Chicks started lifting their shirts at the “magic” moment, causing the ride to be dubbed “Flash mountain”.  So Disney hired people to edit the pics on the fly so the memories you wanted to bring back from Disney didn’t have a wild loose J hovering above your kids head.  Well, I guess those jobs are nonessential, because Flash Mountain is back!

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Oh the ladies love this one.  Check my man though.

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He’s having the time of his life.  Can you imagine a better ride.  I mean the thrill of the big drop, plus one handful of J?  That might actually be worth the 40 minute wait.  He really timed it all out too so he got a full on grip.

This next one is great.

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My man doesn’t look like he’s interested in the ride at all.  He just wanted to go cop his feel.  Nice.

Don’t get it twisted though.  Before you book your tickets and plan to get your Flash Mountain on, know this…

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It ain’t all good people, It ain’t all good.

-Brock