Ridiculous: Mickey Mouse Club

The Mickey Mouse Club was good for…actually I don’t know what it was good for, but I’m guessing it was solid entertainment for some cross section of parents who were willing to let their kids listen to oddly reworked R&B and pop songs of the day get translated by a bunch of 12 year olds.  I’ll give them this, they had some killer talent scouts because they ran Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake and Christina Aguilera all on the same show.

Yeah, that whole right side over there has sold more than 215 million records worldwide.  I don’t know who that brother in the middle is, but I’m pretty sure he’s either pissed off at the world and drowning his sorrows in cocaine and Hennessy or trying to holla at Britney so he can get some of that good Federline baby-daddy money.  So those are basically the best and most successful 30 year old singers in the country.  Who does that now?  Is it Nickelodeon because they have Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers?  If they learn how to pimp Justin Beiber they would own the minds of every 12 year old girl on the planet.

How crazy was the Mickey Mouse Club?  So crazy they can take one of the greatest songs, “Cry For You”, by one of the greatest groups, Jodeci, and make it half turrible.

Okay fine, Justin kinda kills it with the high notes.  And yes, that is actor Ryan Gosling and JC Chasez from N’Sync in the clip too.  Those outfits are ridiculous as is Justin talking about “begging on his knees”.  I don’t know if all of those screaming little girls were listening to the song too closely, but I’ve done an awful lot of fuckin to that song so uhhhhh…that ain’t right.

I’ve decided I’m going to start a foundation for the Lost Brothers of the Mickey Mouse Club.  We’re gonna do a Behind the Music and an all black Mickey Mouse Club reunion show.  It will be like a broke ass karaoke version of New Edition, just like B2K.  I’m gonna call them Black Mouse Down.  We’re gonna get paid.

I’m a visionary.


What Happens When You Cross “Knockin Boots” with Jodeci?

As Smokey would say “not a got damn thang”.  When I saw H-Town and Jodeci in “Knocking Your Heels” I thought I was going to get “Knocking Boots” crossed with “Come and Talk to Me” as two super groups come together to form like some R&B Voltron.  Boy was I wrong…


Man I had such high hopes and they were all dashed from the start.  They kick the video off with the classic sexy R&B breakdown from Devante’ Swing that was an absolute debacle.  He’s looked like he was on that stuff since long about three weeks after “Forever My Lady”.


Does he have a pony tail in the video?  Did someone scream “Shazaaaaam!” right at the beginning of the video?  I can’t get past 15 seconds without this video being hilarious.  Then the chorus is “Knockin yo heels off”.  Nothing like a rough sex ballad that sounds like a beat down to get the ladies going.  When did the dude from H-Town forget how to sing.

Other highlights:

K-Ci wearing an ascot at 1:35.

Only a crackhead could think that ascot is reasonable.

Did anyone else think they were getting a classic K-Ci “Hooo-Yeah!” at 1:50?

First hooo-yeah at 3:15!

“Your bodyeee, my, my, my, my, cause I’m gonna knock yo heels off” is not what I need in a jack of a great R. Kelly song.

And keeping with the classic formula, Mr. Dalvin doesn’t do anything but show up.

Then these cats come up with the follow up track with the turrible H-Town varsity jackets.

Is that joint called “Call me Mr. Pac-Man”?  Cause I get under the covers?  Sounds like great lyrics when you are sitting around drinking Crown, but that song makes Christmas Boots sound like “I will remember you” in comparison.  Hell, why not, we’re about to get to the holiday season, I’ll run the worlds worst Christmas song, “Knocking Boots for Christmas”, right now.


See, sometimes a little good and turrible is all you need to cheer you up.