I’m just going to come out and say it. I was wrong. I don’t say it often so pay attention. I’ve got a unified theory of stripperdom. While it appears to be a continuum, I argue that pole dancing and hard core porn are essentially the same thing. The details are here if you care to review.
But I’ve come around. If you pole dance hard enough, you actually travel all the way down to the continuum, past the freaky side and someone become legitimate again. I know it’s crazy. It was all inspired by the Miss Pole Dancing South America competition. They took to the streets to advertise their skills.
You know an ad like that forced me to find more. I’m usually not down with an attempt to pole dance on random objects, it can turn out very badly.
But they didn’t just hit the pole, they also got creative, proving you don’t need a pole to pole dance.
Although I will say the chick who decided to do a split face-first on the 9th stair of a subway probably doesn’t have all her shit together. There is also what I believe to be a man-taint situation over on the right that I don’t want to talk about and don’t need any further information on.
But the real trouble started once the competition began. I mean we are talking about the best in the world, so you know it was going to get sexy fast.
That is actually a strong showing right there. Hovering in the air as if she’s on the ground. She’s focused. She looks like she falls directly into my theory. She’s $3,000 from doing that with no clothes on, sending her down the slippery slope. I looked for more and the whole thing took a hard left. What once was sexy, turned into something completely different.
Will someone tell me what this is and who it appeals to?
Because there is nothing sexy about this at all. Which makes me think this really is some kind of athletic event. Because there is no stripper value here at all. This move is not needed or wanted in a club. Can it get worse? Of course it does or it wouldn’t be worth talking about.
Yeah, that’s just all bad. Maybe the still shot doesn’t do it justice…but I have to say I’m pretty sure the mere existence of this photo means there is no justice in the world. She’s holding herself up in the air with her back and one knee-pit. She decided “nude” was the best expression of her costume creativity. She’s smiling like she knows you like it.
And maybe you do.
So I’m amending my position. This is clearly a sport of some kind because these moves have no value in the real world. I’m sure they win $1,000, some pole shine, and the respect and admiration of their peers, so that’s got to be totally worth it.