When I was a kid I used to love making a Christmas list. I’d jack the Toys R Us circular and start circling the things I wanted. For kids it’s all good. You can get loose when all you want is a few action figures a DVD and a football.
But then kids start to get smart. I know I did. Sometimes you don’t get everything you want. Santa wants to play hardball. Okay big man. I know I wasn’t on the naughty list, so maybe I’m just asking for too much. How about this. High stakes game of chicken. I’m only asking for one thing. Nintendo 64. Bring it or you’re just an asshole. That was the best, especially when you open the GAME first. Hell yeah. Now I KNOW what’s in the big box.
Here’s my thing. Who are the grown ups walking around with Christmas lists? When people ask you what you want for Christmas, how do you tell them. Doing all the math in your head. You know you can hit mom for something around $100, your brother might break you off for $40-50. What happens when you overshoot? Actually, forget the details, why are you asking people to get you stuff anyway? And is there a worse feeling than not wanting anything then someone spends money on something you don’t like? Am I officially old if I actually really want some good socks this year?
I mean, I really appreciate a solid sock. One that isn’t going to slide into my shoe when I go for a run. What combination of Jesus and/or Santa do I have to holla at to make that happen?
Oh and for those expecting a gift from me, as Kanye said:
Haaaaa. That Kanye. He’s got assholery down to a science.