When people talk about breakfast, what is the first thing people say? “It’s the most important meal of the day“. I’m sure medically that might be true, but the way we do it here in America just ain’t right. Seriously. I hate breakfast. If I eat a big breakfast, I just feel like crap for the rest of the day. First of all I hate eggs, so that cuts out about half of my options right there. Beyond that, there are three major food groups at breakfast: eggs, grease, and cake. Don’t believe me? Here is the typical American breakfast.
This is the southern version. You head north and the grits turn into potatoes and the biscuit turns into toast. I can’t be mad at bacon though. Bacon is good any time. You know there is going to be some jelly or some honey that is going to hit that biscuit over there. Why do I call everything else cake? Because it is true. Call it a muffin if you want to…you are eating dessert first thing in the morning.
You see blueberry muffins…I see blueberry cupcakes.
Pancakes. At least they are honest here.
Waffles?
Funny shaped cake.
Scones?
Dry ass cake.
Croissants?
Buttery, flaky cake.
Cinnamon Roll?
Roll? Come on now. That is cinnamon cake. It’s good friends powdered sugar cake and apple cake came along for the ride. We haven’t even gotten to the actual cake family yet. Coffee cake.
Let’s not forget doughnuts, danishes, crullers, bear claws, and all that other stuff.
Still not convinced? Okay fine, I’m going to have to pull out the big guns on you. The Breakfast song will let you know it is time to let it all go.
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYqM9-Fj0Pg
Keep eating like that and the lawd is gonna call you home. Ol girl on the left doesn’t look like she’s giving up the biscuits and gravy any time soon.
-Brock
