Did the NBA Agreement Include Paying Turrible Players Lots of Cash?

The NBA Season just ended, there aren’t any new NBA games until November, and while the Olympic team is mildly entertaining, the trades are as entertaining as the games ever were. There are a LOT of players who probably shouldn’t get paid who are stacking loot right now.

There is a certain point where players are just trying to get a ring. That explains Ray Allen playing in Miami for $3 million a year. I’m not sure I agree with it, dude already has a ring, but it is hard to say someone shouldn’t try to get another one. But while a guaranteed Hall of Famer who holds the record for most three pointers ever is getting paid $3 million, Jeremy Lin is going to get $5 million this year, $5.2 next year and FOURTEEN MILLION the year after that. $14 Milli? Dude had, like, 15 hot games last year for a squad that literally just ran out of players.

That’s called laughing all the way to the bank right there.

I’m sure there are lots of contracts all over the league even more ridiculous than that, but if you want to see a lot of them at once, just take a look at the Brooklyn Nets. Mikhail Prokhorov is balling out of control like a REAL billionaire.

He’s slinging money like everyone deserves a max contract. Brook Lopez is tall and average, that will get you $14 million a year for the next four years. Kris Humphries is even less tall and even MORE average, so that will get you $12 million a year. I guess that quick marriage to Kim Kardashian paid off. People actually think Kris Humphries is valuable now. That are offering me $2.5 just to talk shit and clap from the end of the bench. I’m going to try to hold out if the Rockets want to pick me up as trade bait for Dwight Howard. The Brooklyn Nets are so wild they BOUGHT one of the worst contracts out there. They picked up Joe Johnson from the Hawks for $20 Million this year and $25 Million four years from now. That contract sucked when Atlanta signed it two years ago. Lebron made a “sacrifice” to get a ring, but Joe Johnson gets paid more than Lebron, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh over the next four years. That’s terrible.

I guess I should have given the players more credit in the negotiation last summer. These dudes are getting paid. How much money do these owners have to be making to break off Jeremy Lin with $25 million? How is that dude going to pull down $14 million in 2014? Can I say it again? World Champion Lebron James, the first or second best player on the planet is getting $17 million next year. I like Jeremy Lin as much as the next guy, but once that NY shine is off of him he’s nothing but a point guard on a team you will never see on TV next season.

Now if they can just land Dwight Howard somewhere so we can stop talking about it I’d be happy. When is Football season? Can’t come quickly enough.


Man Up Monday: Kobe Bryant Has the Worst Week Ever!

A week ago I was talking to my brother about the Lakers. It looked all good. They were about to get Chris Paul while moving Pau Gasol and Lamar Odom. That meant they might be able to get Dwight Howard from Orlando for Andrew Bynum. It looked like the Lakers were about to make a run. People were hitting me up to try to get Lakers tickets, things seemed good.

Then, in a weird twist, everything changed. CP3 ended up as a Clipper. Dwight Howard is still a Magic, a Magician, (just the fact that both of those sound turrible show you how horrible that team name is). And Kobe doesn’t know what the hell is going on.

Kobe has been making that “This is some bullshit” face all week. I even heard some radio interviews where it was clear he was making that face even though I couldn’t see him. Everyone knows Kobe is a warrior, everyone knows Kobe looks out for himself, we all know Kobe wants to win at least one more Championship and he’s suddenly caught in something that looks an awful lot like a rebuilding year. Kobe is saying all the right things right now, but best believe dude is pissed. Like this:

Kobe is looking at the camera like “You want me to win a championship with Steve Blake, two players who look like ‘Standard Player 1’ in NBA 2K, and a coach who is wearing a grey on gray polo shirt/sweater vest combo?” That’s a Clay Davis special right there.

So as his team falls apart, we also find out he is getting divorced. Wonder why that happened?

You have to think a dude who wears a picture of his own face on a t-shirt is a little full of himself. We all know where this started.

No. Not that icy stare Vanessa Shot him when Kobe was being accused of rape after getting down with a housekeeper in Denver…it was this:

The Amish Ice Cream Man ain’t getting none at home.

Here’s to hoping Kobe Bryant pulls a Man Up and goes full on Derek Jeter right now. I’m talking famous chicks, I’m talking hitting chicks with the Special Edition Christmas Kobe and a signed basketball after one night stands, the playboy of LA. Why not? He’s got nothing to lose. Dude is pretty much on the short list for baddest man on the planet.

Kobe, Man Up! In a good way…I’m in the holiday spirit.




Dwight Howard’s WAG is a Classy Lady

Maybe not WAG, but she is his baby momma and now I know how she got the job.  Her Name is Royce Reed.

royce reed magic 1

Aw man, she was a Magic dancer too?  This is the worst baby mama story ever.  Everyone knows you can’t look at your own dancers, that is the #1 rule.

Royce Reed kid

But no, Dwight didn’t heed that warning.  His kid is cute though.  Mom has him up in that #12 jersey and if I know baby momma’s she probably named him Dwight Jr. just to remind Dwight Howard Sr. that “Have a baby by me baby, be a millionaire” isn’t just a song.  But you may ask what this lady might have done to catch Dwight’s eye.  Well we found out at a Ludacris event down in Miami during the Superbowl festivities last week, she’s the girl in the black.

I love how women willing to shake dance at a pool and strippers love to cheer each other on in these situations.  It is also amazing how quickly those 8 years of Jazz, Tap and Ballet your parents paid for when you were 7 turns into dropping it like it is hot and stripper moves once some bass drops.  She didn’t really answer the question though…How Low Can She Go?

RoyceReedHow Low

Oh no, she’s a professional, I know she can get lower than that.


There we go, that’s more like it.  I like how there are women standing in the background like “aw hail no”.  They don’t know that this is the classy version of the shake dance contest.  You offer up $500 in a club with the same rules and all of a sudden the subtitle to the contest becomes “skin it to win it” and everyone starts getting naked.

By the way, since when did we go back to Black people being the only ones with a Baby’s mama?  Two weeks ago, John Edwards came out and declared that he had an affair and now everyone is talking about his “love child”.  Is a baby’s mama a woman you thought you were going to be with and a love child with a woman when you are married about shouldn’t be messing around?  Can you have a love child from your baby’s mama?  I know we never want to call a kid a bastard, which is a legit term that just sounds dirty because of how it gets used, but “love child”?  That implies that there was love involved, not that the woman was some side chick.  Your real kids that you claim and have with your wife are the love children…but then I guess “need some tail child” just doesn’t have the same ring.


Man Up Monday: Cleveland Cavaliers

Awwwwww damn.  I really didn’t think this would happen.  I’ve been saying for weeks that the Cavs were good, but I didn’t really understand why.  Now I know why, it is because they weren’t that good.  Everyone said the media wanted  Kobe v. LeBron in the finals like it was a bad thing.  Hell, I wanted Kobe v. LeBron.  That would have been epic.  These guys were having fun early, snapping pictures, throwing alley-oops from halfcourt, rolling through the entire East.


Then that pressure got put on and these guys straight crumbled.  Look, I was that guy that still thought the Cavs has a chance to win this thing and make it to the finals.  Sure, they had to win three games, but they really only had to win one, the game on Saturday in Orlando and they would have been in the finals.  Unfortunately, Dwight Howard had 40 and 14 for that ass at home.


I was arguing this with the fellas last week.  Sure, Cleveland has LeBron, but if you really think about it, sure, Cleveland had the best record in the league this year, and they were damn near impossible to beat at home, but if you think about it and really look…they might have been the third best team in the East.  If KG was healthy for Boston and Jameer Nelson was still running for Orlando, it might have been curtains for the Cavs.  And that is in the East.  Let’s not even talk about matching those guys up against Denver or LA.


Hey, I feel bad for LeBron, the kid really did the most he could with the tools he was given.  The dude was averaging 40 points and damn near a triple double but his boys didn’t exactly Man Up and help him out on this one.  I don’t exactly know what Cleveland can do about it either.  They can clear out their big men, Big Z and Ben Wallace aren’t exactly making it happen anymore.  Joe Smith and Wally Szerbiak aren’t exactly bringing heat.  Mo Williams looks like he can still help going forward, but Delonte West is a role player at best and Varejao?  Nah, you need one more piece to get that chip.  Look at LA.  Kobe, Pau, and Odom.  If one is down, Bynum can give it to you, Even that crew of point guards can throw in a dagger if you ask them to.  It just isn’t the same.  Denver has Melo, Kenyon and  Chauncey.  Boston has KG, Pierce, Ray Allen and Rondo, Orlando has Howard, Lewis and Hedo.  Rob Base might have said it takes two, but in the NBA, it takes three to make a thing go right.  LeBron is superhuman so he almost pulled it off  with one and a half, but when Mo Williams choked himself out in the Eastern conference finals, it was over.

Mo Williams

Oh and Cleveland, I don’t know if LeBron is this guy, and I don’t think he is, but here comes some good old fashioned “they aren’t giving me the tools I need to win.”  He was rewwy rewwy sad when he left that arena in a huff last night.  LeBron is going to be in that market deep come then end of next season.  Your only hope, your only hope, is to win next year or the King will be leaving Cleveland and delivering your asses directly into Smackdown hotel lottery for the foreseeable future.  Oh and New York, that DOES NOT mean he is coming to the Knicks.  Who the hell started this one?  New Yorkers kill me, they just start talking about this stuff like it is true and reasonable…yet it is not.  Why would this guy want to be a Knick?  Because he could play on the  “worlds biggest stage”?  Come on now, if by biggest stage, you mean playing for a bunch of people who will demand a championship out of the box and turn on him the second he loses to anyone while they run coach after coach and point guard after point guard by him, sure, that sounds like a lot of fun.  He can hang out with Jay-Z in the off season, why wouldn’t he go o a big city with some pieces already there, with some actual talent.  He’d be better off in Los Angeles…no not the Lakers I’m not going to be that ridiculous, the Clippers.  Baron Davis and Blake Griffin are better teammates than David Lee and Nate Robinson.  Miami is better, Atlanta is better, Washington, Dallas, Denver, Detroit, San Antonio, Portland.  Sure some of these spots are small markets but the dude has been rocking in Cleveland for the last 5 years, anything is an upgrade.  Patrick Ewing had a squad around him in the 90’s and couldn’t get it done, the Knicks might have gotten rid of too much if that is possible.


It is all bad out there for LeBron and Cleveland right now.  Oh and Orlando, you know all of those old NBA Finals clichés?  “You need to get there once before you know what it takes”, “this team is young and needs to learn how to win on this stage”, “Finals Basketball is just different”, prepare to run into all of that.  Remember Shaq and Penny in 1995?  No, neither do most people because the caught a viscous ass whooping from the Rockets.  It was so fast they barely got the games going before it as over.  Shaq looked shell shocked.  It was ugly.

Oh and Vitamin Water, Nike, you commercials are gonna kinda suck now.  LeBron, Cleveland, New York citay, Orlando…Man Up!

Kobe’s got killer instinct and a self created chip in his shoulder.  He lost in the finals last year and he wants his damn ring.  Not now, but right now.