I wanted to hit the U.S. Congress for Man Up Monday two weeks in a row, but they didn’t really mess up anything new. We are still just living through the aftermath of the mess they made. Now in any other context, a score of AA+ would be great. But the US Economy, for the worlds greatest country, going from AAA to AA+really sucks.
I’m gonna go ahead and assume that the stock market is getting hammered as you read this. We aren’t getting downgraded because we defaulted, not because we can’t find the money. We are literally getting downgraded because Congress decided to act like assholes. I’m not talking about either side either. I’m talking about both Republicans and Democrats on this one.
You know when you get in trouble. Maybe for a ticket or honestly anything else. When you see the judge it is a good idea to clean it up a little. Get a nice shave, throw on a suit, shine the shoes. Look like you have a little bit of sense when you walk up in there. Because a judge can and will put you away because you don’t look the part. Basically, Congress decided to show up rocking jeans, Timbs and a snapback hat. Just stupid. All because they wanted to play a game and try to position for the election next year. Boehner spent 3 days trying to pull people together to take and win a symbolic vote. That is crazy by any standard. What kind of strategy is that?
Congress. Man Up! This is a sign. You can’t do anything you want to do anymore. Pull it together.
Next I’ve got to go to Stevie Williams.
Steve Williams has been Tiger Woods’ caddie for the last 12 years. Tiger fired him last week. But not before Steve banked about 10% of all of Tigers earnings over the last 12 years. I have to assume Steve stacked up about a bijillion dollars during that time. Well, once fired, Steve just couldn’t get along without another man’s bag of balls resting on his shoulders, so he began working with Adam Scott.
Adam Scott won a golf tournament this weekend and Steve Williams is talking like it is all because of him. Talking about how much fun he had. That this is the best tournament he’s had in years. I know Steve, I know. It isn’t the player it is the caddie. You know the old saying “It’s a bad mechanic that blames the tools”. Well, in this case you have to be a pretty big tool to act like you don’t need the mechanic. How did a caddie get a mic in front of him anyway? Who was pulling together his storyline? You are a caddie dude. You wear coveralls to work. Your primary function is to carry someone else’s shit. It’s not hot. By the way, if you are Tom Hanks’ assistant when he wins an Oscar and you get fired, and you end up as Colin Firth’s assistant when he brings one home, it’s pretty much a happy coincidence. You are the Robert Horry of assistants. No one is giving you credit for the win. So Steve, Man Up, clean some clubs off and get out there to walk the course for the Players Championship so you can help your player next week. Plus, to be honest, you and Tiger never really seemed like you were on the same page.
Steve Williams, Man Up!
Finally, just a quick should out to Ludacris. I remember the good old days when Luda had a bis ass ‘fro and hoes in various area codes. Now he’s all grown up. He got a haircut, he got married, and it is starting to mess up his rep. Check this:
Come on Luda. You there with Rudy from the Cosby show and you are leaving in like you are taking a pic with your Auntie Clarisse. Coming with the loose left hand resting on the outside of the shoulder, only the slightest contact at the chest and Luda just kept the right hand out of the discussion all together. No waist grab here, no hidden hands. Media Take Out ain’t gonna catch Luda slippin on this one. Luda is taking this picture like Keisha Knight Pulliam is still 12 and not legal yet.
By the way, now that Rudy is a grown ass woman, and went to Spelman, you know there are some regular dudes who have hit that. Is it even possible to sleep with her and not have the overwhelming urge to call at least one of your boys and be like “Yo, you aren’t gonna believe this. I just hit Rudy Huxtable.” I mean the chick is an American Icon. Meanwhile Luda can’t even get a solid hug in.
Luda. Man Up!