Did the NBA Agreement Include Paying Turrible Players Lots of Cash?

The NBA Season just ended, there aren’t any new NBA games until November, and while the Olympic team is mildly entertaining, the trades are as entertaining as the games ever were. There are a LOT of players who probably shouldn’t get paid who are stacking loot right now.

There is a certain point where players are just trying to get a ring. That explains Ray Allen playing in Miami for $3 million a year. I’m not sure I agree with it, dude already has a ring, but it is hard to say someone shouldn’t try to get another one. But while a guaranteed Hall of Famer who holds the record for most three pointers ever is getting paid $3 million, Jeremy Lin is going to get $5 million this year, $5.2 next year and FOURTEEN MILLION the year after that. $14 Milli? Dude had, like, 15 hot games last year for a squad that literally just ran out of players.

That’s called laughing all the way to the bank right there.

I’m sure there are lots of contracts all over the league even more ridiculous than that, but if you want to see a lot of them at once, just take a look at the Brooklyn Nets. Mikhail Prokhorov is balling out of control like a REAL billionaire.

He’s slinging money like everyone deserves a max contract. Brook Lopez is tall and average, that will get you $14 million a year for the next four years. Kris Humphries is even less tall and even MORE average, so that will get you $12 million a year. I guess that quick marriage to Kim Kardashian paid off. People actually think Kris Humphries is valuable now. That are offering me $2.5 just to talk shit and clap from the end of the bench. I’m going to try to hold out if the Rockets want to pick me up as trade bait for Dwight Howard. The Brooklyn Nets are so wild they BOUGHT one of the worst contracts out there. They picked up Joe Johnson from the Hawks for $20 Million this year and $25 Million four years from now. That contract sucked when Atlanta signed it two years ago. Lebron made a “sacrifice” to get a ring, but Joe Johnson gets paid more than Lebron, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh over the next four years. That’s terrible.

I guess I should have given the players more credit in the negotiation last summer. These dudes are getting paid. How much money do these owners have to be making to break off Jeremy Lin with $25 million? How is that dude going to pull down $14 million in 2014? Can I say it again? World Champion Lebron James, the first or second best player on the planet is getting $17 million next year. I like Jeremy Lin as much as the next guy, but once that NY shine is off of him he’s nothing but a point guard on a team you will never see on TV next season.

Now if they can just land Dwight Howard somewhere so we can stop talking about it I’d be happy. When is Football season? Can’t come quickly enough.


Man Up Monday: The NBA Lockout

2011 is going to be known as the year of the lockout. Remember the NFL lockout from this summer? That felt like an outrage. The closer the NFL got to missing games, the more pressure there was. You just knew they were going to work it out. The NBA lockout doesn’t feel like that though. They already cancelled the first few weeks of the season and now they are talking about cancelling the Christmas games.

If I was the NBA I would take a look around and be really worried. Does anyone really care that the NBA season might not happen? I’m actually not that worried. Sure, sports are going to get really slow next April if the NBA doesn’t come back. Sportscenter will be talking about Olympic curling and the WNBA draft, and it will make the time period when we ONLY have baseball longer, but we will find a way to deal. I do have some questions for a few NBA players though.

Doesn’t LeBron James know it is going to be harder to get his 7 rings if he loses a year?

Hell, looking at LeBron’s hairline, my man might come back to the league rocking the forced baldy when he gets back. Just like Michael Jordan. You know the forced baldy right? There are men who shave their heads by choice, there are others who go with the baldy because they have no other choice.

Why is Derek Fisher working so hard for a decision in the lockout? Is it because he knows his career should have been over two seasons ago? If there isn’t a season this year, Derek Fisher will never play again.

My man in the back is covering his face because he is thinking about what Derek would look like on the court in 2013.

Doesn’t Glen Davis realize he might be about a 350 pound D cup if he doesn’t get back into an NBA camp soon?

Seriously, this lockout is an emergency situation for this kid. He’s always been big baby and that is WITH him on a basketball court for 82 games a year for the last 4 years. You give the dude a year off, and he’s gonna need his own wing in the locker room.

By the way, the lockout negotiations his all new levels of bullshit last week. I actually thought there was going to be some progress when the two sides met three times last week and really got those 16 hour days in. Then all of a sudden David Stern missed the meeting with a “flu” and all hell breaks out in the negotiations. The sides come back out of the room and suddenly the owners have ultimatums, suddenly everything they discussed on the previous two days gets thrown out…on the day David Stern isn’t there. Do the owners really think they are gonna finish this off with a big game of “Good Cop, Bad Cop?”  You know in the next meeting David Stern is going to come back to the meetings as the “good guy” who can “talk some sense into the owners” once he comes back. Come on Stern, we aren’t falling for that.

I know, I know, you had to try.

So NBA, you need to Man Up, the worst thing you can do is cancel the season and realize that no one cares. That might hurt. Let’s get it done and start heading for some December basketball. A shorter season might be more interesting anyway. A team with a few 6 game winning streaks is suddenly in the playoffs. A lot of squads might be able to make a 55 game sprint. That might make every game worth watching, instead of just the playoffs.

NBA…Man Up!


The NBA + Guns = Oh Hail Naw

On Monday, Gilbert Arenas was simply an idiot for packing gun in his locker and pulling a gun on a brother named Javaris.  Today, he is an idiot who really doesn’t get it who got indefinitely suspended from his job.  Why did David Stern go all Roger Goodell on Pacman Jones on Gilbert Arenas?  Because Agent 0 pulled the public, “I don’t give a fuuuuuuuck” on the NBA.  Instead of actually looking like he believed his public statement that he made a mistake, he decided to pull this one at the pregame introductions last night.


Nothing like pulling out the old finger guns and shooting all your teammates to let the big boss man know you are taking it all seriously.  Well, I’m thinking this is the last time that the Wizards are going to be smiling all season because they just lost their best player for what will probably be at least the rest of the season (again) and an already mediocre team is about to suck (again).  Didn’t Gilbert know that the Wizards have that awful name and that turrible “dc” loco that I could have drawn in the 6th grade because they used to be called the Bullets?  Does he know how much people used to get shot in the wrong neighborhoods in DC?  Does he care?  Gilbert was about to break out the heavy artillery next week.


But before he got the opportunity, David Stern hit him with that didn’t get it face.


Nah, David didn’t get those jokes at all.  I guess Stern was tired of Roger Goodell getting all the attention for being the hardest commissioner in the game.  Everyone knows Goodell will take your job for anything, David Stern generally has a longer rope unless you jump into the stands and fight fans.  Memo to everyone else in the NBA, watch your back.  David is ready to lay down the law if anyone steps out of bounds.

Speaking of laying down the law, is there anyone who is having a worse day than ex-NBA star Jayson Williams?


And I’m not talking about the fact that his pretty hair game isn’t that tight anymore, dude just pulled a Tiger Woods and had a single car accident when he ran into a tree.  Come to find out, it was actually a DUI.  That is actually pretty sad and the guy is in a pretty dark place.  We all remember how he accidentally shot and killed a limo driver with a shotgun in 2000.  The guy was on top, had a career ending knee injury, but had a legit job as a commentator with the NBA.  After the gun incident he lost that job and slipped into obscurity.  You need to remember that this dude has the biggest contract in NBA history when he got hurt.  He was the Kevin Garnett of his era.  He was basically on top at the time.  Now his Dad just passed away, he’s back under trial for the shotgun incident.

Jayson needs to tighten up his alibi game though.  Back in the day with the shotgun, he tried to get rid of his clothes, move the body, pretend like the dude shot himself by placing the gun in his hands and make everyone in his house lie for him before the real story came out.  It really wasn’t that smooth.  This time he wrecks his car and when the police show up he’s sitting in the passenger seat.  Even though there was no one else in the car…and all the witnesses said they saw him driving.  He would have been better off talking the plates off the car and making a run for it.  Even Jayson didn’t believe his own bullshit.


And he’s not getting any extra points for that cross on his oversized lapel either.  Damn homey, not looking so good right now.  You might want to pull what OJ should have done and keep your ass at home.  2010 isn’t starting off so hot for you.