Weird Science: Cruise Ships

I have a confession to make. There are certain things in the world that just don’t make sense to me. Most of them have to do with scientific principles that don’t really make sense once you think about them too hard. Like airplanes. You really want me to believe that air moving over the bottom of the wing faster than the air over the wing is supposed to keep something that big that weighs that much in the air?

Even worse, cruise ships. They are skyscrapers on their side with thousands of people on them that float on water.

That thing is bigger than the whole island. Why is it floating? You want to know the worst part of this problem? When the physics fail (or an idiot breaks something) this is what happens to cruise ships.

I don’t know if you’ve ever been on  a cruise ships, but all the rooms aren’t sexy. Sure it is cool to get your Leonardo DiCaprio on and pretend like you are flying in the wind if you have one of those window rooms. But there are more rooms on the inside of the cruise ship that are just tiny jail cells with no windows. Imagine being in one of those when the whole boat goes sideways and starts filling with water.

Worst. Vacation. Ever.

I already thought this was the worst story ever. Then it got worse. There used to be principles in this world. Where you could depend on other people to do their job. People would devote their whole life to their job, take it seriously, take pride in their work. Now…I’m thinking most of these jobs are just a paycheck. One of those principles…the Captain always goes down with the ship. I think the pirates or Christopher Columbus invented that one. It’s been around for a long time. It makes sense. Someone has to be responsible. Like I’m in charge of UvT HQ. When the fire alarm goes off, I’ve got to make sure we get all the interns out. Make sure the stash of vodka and red bull is secured because the amount of vodka we keep in the office is probably a fire hazard. And grab the hard drives. I’m the captain, I can’t be the first man out of the door.

Meet Francesco Schettino. First of all this dude sunk a billion dollar cruise ship, not by hitting something he couldn’t see, not by getting hit by an underwater iceberg, he ran into LAND. The earth. That shit doesn’t move around. You are supposed to master the sweet art of keeping your boat on the water part instead on of on the dirt part when you are sailing around in a little dinghy, not in a 8 story cruise ship with 1,000 people on board. Dude saw that things were going wrong and got his ass on a escape boat and hit the shore. He broke out. That isn’t exactly an inspirational leader. The coast guard was trying to force him to go back and actually do his job, he pretty much refused.  Logical…but messed up.

So yeah, your boy Brock is never going on a cruise again. For the record, the aw hail naw list also includes: bungee cords, helicopters, hang gliders, planes with propellers, and parachutes. I don’t trust any of those things.

-Brock