Man Down Monday: The Nude Pics NO ONE Wanted to Hit the Streets

I don’t know if this is a Man Down because these pictures might steal the heart and soul of every man who sees them. I don’t know if it is Man Down because the level of self-assurance that it took for this woman to get butt naked on camera. I don’t know if it is Man Down because Man Up just didn’t feel right. But once you see these pics I think you will agree.

The Octomom, Nadya Sulemon, went ahead and felt the need to break it all down and get naked. I’m not talking about a Playboy pictorial. That wasn’t the situation here. I don’t even think this was a Vogue style classy nude. Annie Leibovitz is not walking through that door to lay the Octomom out in black and white glory. Hell, I wish I was talking about some leaked cell phone pictures that she never intended to get out.

No. These are the saddest version of nude pictures ever. Professionally photographed in a studio. For no particular reason whatsoever.

Who the hell are these for? This chick leaked her own nude pics to the streets. Side note, since you are sober and in front of your computer, just so you know. This is what Cougars look like when you get them home. Sure, they might seem fun the the club, but you are going to catch a semi sexy chick in a puffy coat. Is it that bad out there? I know there is a long line of famous people who got notorious from hitting the scene naked, but I think that train might have left the station long ago.

The best part is this chick was really spitting game like she wanted to mimic Angelina Jolie. That is the image she was going for when she walked into that plastic surgeon’s office. Don’t get me wrong. At least she ended up in the neighborhood. But she is down the street a bit in the smallest house on the block. The OTHER worst thing is that she was offered $1,000,000 a few years ago for a porn flick. She turned it down. There’s a lesson in that. You’ve got to strike while the iron is hot. Apparently, the same group is now offering her $100,000 for the same. You don’t get too many times to have someone tell you exactly how sexy you are. I guess the Octomom’s sexy stock just lost 90% of market value.

Fame for the sake of fame just might not be worth it.  Octomom needs to be a little more specific with her goals. You can’t just be famous for anything. She’d be better off going for the medical mystery angle for having eight kids all at the same time. You’ve got to know when sexy just ain’t your thing anymore.

I usually get slightly offended by the box, but I don’t think this one was added later. I think they actually took a piece of black construction paper and taped it directly to her body to assure there would be no mistake. You don’t want that picture running wild in digital format. The photographer just cut that shit off at the source. I’m also not so sure why it is hanging so far out to the right. Why is it covering her elbow? Thank you black box for making sure I never know the answers to those questions.

What this really illustrates is the rock bottom for fame. When you reach this point, this is where you need to in fact Man Down. When you release professional nude pictures of yourself…when you are a woman who needs to shop pics of yourself naked, it’s time to get a new job. A straight job. Time to pull together a resume buy a suit and get a job in an office like normal people. Sure, you will get an interview on the Today Show in 10 years in a “Where are they now?” segment when your kids are going to middle school. But go ahead and lock down that office job and start putting some loot into a 401K. The fame thing is over.

Nadya Sulemon. Man Down.

It’s over. Your last gasp didn’t work. Maybe it did, I can’t really tell what your goal is. Whatever it was everyone else thinks it didn’t work.

Time to shut it down. Man Up, Man Down! Just stop.

-Brock

 

Teen Survives Cougar Attack: So What?

I survive cougar attacks all the time.  You can’t go out without seeing them lurking in a pack.  Swaying in the corner and always on the lookout for fresh meat like your boy Brock.

I mean the modern Coug is extra aggressive.  Never look them directly in the eye.  Don’t be tricked by the fact that they want to buy YOU drinks (Watch yo back Triple B).  And never turn your back.  They grab ass and love to tell the story to their friends the next day.

“I saw this guy in the club with such hot buns!  I just grabbed it!”  Plus you know the Cougars love the dark meat.

So I don’t know what the big deal is.  I want to be on the Today show tomorrow for my heroic efforts out in these streets this weekend.  I mean I was tanked up on that Goose and Juice, Soda, Tonic, Ice, tapping into my instincts to stay alive out there.  I’m a damn hero on these streets.

Huh?  What’s that?  It was a real cougar?  She needed 24 staples to the dome?  Oh, that really is different.

That’s fucked up.

-Brock