I’ll keep this brief. Dwyane…this is unacceptable.
Manti Te’o: Now You Know You Done F*cked Up, Right?
Manti Te’o's life was SO much better two months ago. He was a Heisman candidate and one of the most dominant defensive players in the country. Notre Dame was the number one team in the country. Te’o was a lock to be one of the top players taken in the draft. 
I’ve read this story about three times already and I still don’t know what the hell is going on here. Back in September his Grandmother and girlfriend both died on the same day and Manti had a beast game that next weekend at Michigan State. Everyone just found out that the girlfriend did not exist.
Did. Not. Exist.
Not at all. Come to find out this girl was put together out of thin air, Facebook pictures, a phone number and a few text messages. But my man Manti was talking like they were about to get married and this was the worst tragedy that ever hit anyone. I don’t know about you and your girlfriends, but if anyone has a main lady who they have never met in real person, that ain’t your lady. I know dudes who don’t claim women while the woman is in the room. Dude’s who don’t claim women who live with them. Don’t claim women who they have kids with. And I’m talking about in private conversations where NO ONE is going to find out. When you claim your girl on NATIONAL TELEVISION. Look, you could be MARRIED. You take off that ring, the only people who know are your friends, your momma, you and God. When you announce your girl on national TV, you are telling the whole world you’re off limits. Hell, AJ McCarron is dating Miss Alabama and he still had a conversation with Brent Musburger after the National Title Game for blowing his spot up. What’s AJ supposed to do with this now?
I like how Manti Te’o had enough technology to have a relationship completely on the internet, but apparently never heard of Skype. If I’m having a long distance relationship, I’m cranking up the webcam, skype, some facetime, something. The phone calls get old quick.
It’s all tough. The BEST CASE scenario at this point is that he was tricked online. That’s pretty horrible. I’m sure dude went through real emotion. He actually seems like a good guy.
The horrible middle option is that he made all this up himself in order to get more attention. That’s horrible. But at least I’d know the kid wasn’t a total victim. But this doesn’t seem likely.
The WORST CASE scenario, what I will call the Tiger Woods, scorched earth theory, the Man-Lie Gay’bro if you will. is that this is an ex-gay lover, spurned by Manti who set up a fake persona to get back at Manti. Te’o, so willing to hide his sexuality in an environment where he is a Hawaiian Mormon at a Catholic school was so desperate to have a beard that he went with the e-beard. And he was so ready to spread the word far and wide he was willing to accept this ridiculous fake chick and spread the word far and wide.
I’m not mad at him for having a digital relationship though. But don’t feel sorry for him. He may have been naive but he was having sex. This might be a little NSFW, but we’ve obtained photographic proof that Manti actually had sex with his girl. It’s a little graphic, but we have a picture of Manti performing oral sex on his girl.Brace yourself.
Don’t borrow his computer. His spacebar doesn’t work anyway.
One good thing. I used to pause and guess every time I had to say his name. Now I know exactly how to pronounce it. Everyone else does too.
-Brock
Man Up Monday: Kanye West
Kanye West has provided some of the best moments in WTF? history. He clearly jumped to the top of the list with the incredible “George Bush doesn’t care about Black people” bomb he dropped on live TV. I think Mike Myers is still shook.
Kanye can’t even get all the words out. Has Mike Myers made a movie since then? Shrek doesn’t count. Now you know Kanye really messed up when there is a Man Up Monday, and the thing Kanye did that we are NOT talking about is THIS.
Kanye has adopted the fill on abominable snowman outfit at a concert a few weeks ago. All White after Labor day is a bold choice. The skirt/tuxedo jacket/raincoat is inspired. But when he decided to put on the yeti mask, he went too far.
The real story is that Kanye knocked up Us Versus Them favorite Kim Kardashian. Now I know Kim has her own money but didn’t Kanye actually put out a song called “Gold Digger”? Or does he never go back to listen to his old music? Look, I’m not saying Kim’s a golddigger, I’m not. But…looking at her track record, from what I know, based on public information I could get my hands on, she does not appear to be messing with no broke ni**as. Ray J, Reggie Bush, Kris Humphries and Kanye West? She’s clearly built a financial requirement over the years. I also suspect that she’s only up for dating guys who’s names begin with the letter K. Kris and Kanye would fit in perfectly with Kris, Kim, Kourtney and Khloe.
I’m just glad Kim wasn’t around in the early 90′s because there would be a three-way sex tape with Kris Kross. It would have been filmed on an incredibly unwieldy VHS tape at the time with a gigantic camera, but I could see it happening. It’s gotta suck to date a girl where you KNOW who her last five boyfriends were. Do you even ask a chick like that what her sex number is? Look, she was married to Kris, so you know he hit it. And he’s a seven footer. Reggie Bush played in the NFL so you have to assume he wouldn’t date her for that long without getting some, and we got Ray J on tape. Everyone saw him get it. That probably cuts a lot of conversations short.
Kanye, how are you just gonna baby mama up Kim Kardashian? Don’t get me wrong…
I can see why she might be fun to hang out with, but c’mon Ye? Have you just been on too many double dates with Jay and Beyonce and felt left out? Because Kanye and Kim ain’t not Jay-Z and Beyonce.
Anyone who has followed Kanye knows the dude is a real freak. The only question is how freaky did it get? Roleplay freaky?
I could see Kanye getting Stormtrooper/Princess Leia freaky. But I think he’d go even farther than that.
Exactly. Permed out lion, white boy with some headphones, and Princess Leia freaky. That’s how Ye gets down. In a Cosby sweater no less. Hell, that might actually be what their kid looks like. A silky haired cartoon character.
Kanye, You get the Man Up award this week, and you just made the cutoff to be considered for the 2012 UvT Awards. In fact, you might already have Man Up f the Decade locked up as well. Might as well wife her up at this point. I really want to see Kanye ice grilling in the Kardashian Family Picture, just struggling to fit in. Actually, with that Yeti outfit, he already fits in.
Looking good Yeezy. Is that Kobe? I shoulda known he wasn’t going to let an all white everything pic slide without him being involved.
Kanye, Man UP!
-Brock
Come On Bruh! Thomas DeCoud
I’m a lifelong Atlanta Falcons fan, but something just got brought to my attention that I have to address. This is Thomas DeCoud. He’s a safety for the Falcons and he’s actually a pretty solid player.
I don’t know if that is a dirty bird throwback or his own celebration. It looks like a little more Ray Lewis to me. Anyway Thomas DeCoud went to California and decided to rock this one year in his team pic.
Lawd help me. I’d say it was a joke but that smile is too authentic. When they say a safety has great footwork, I’m pretty sure this isn’t what they mean. How many people did it take to set this picture up? The logo doesn’t just line up like that.
Even Big Baby thinks this pic is turrible.
At least he rocked it with the Championship in his hands. If I was LeBron and didn’t have a ring, this picture would piss me off.
-Brock
—————–UPDATE—————–
I almost forgot about this one. It’s good too.
Somehow still not worse that DeCoud. Even with the slippers.
Come on Bruh! Kanye West Has a Hip Slip
Now I personally prefer a nip slip, but this is too wild to pass up. Now I haven’t talked about the Kanye West and Kim Kardashian relationship yet, and the relationship already seems pretty ridiculous. We all know Kanye likes bad chicks though, so for him…why not? Kanye was getting out of a car with Kim the other day and this happened:
First of all, no grown man should have his pants riding so low it is possible for the thigh to come out, especially if he’s rocking a velvet blazer. Second, anytime your draws situation allows for the display of that much thigh…you need to reevaluate your draws situation. Even Kanye thinks this situation is a little funny.
Maybe not.
Come on Bruh!
-Brock
Come On Bruh! Nice Try Bro Edition
I was caught in the intense gravitational force of March Madnass so I haven’t been able to talk about one of my favorite new links on the blogroll down there. Do yourself a favor and click on Nice Try, Bro. It is hilarious. I saw this joint this morning and had to post it.
I had to go with the super big version of that pic so you could really get the full impact of my man’s tie. Damion McKinney is an assistant coach with the National Champion Baylor Bears and he also apparently has access to someone who makes custom clothing who hates him. There is a tailor somewhere who convinced him he could have the look of an ascot with the convenience of a tie…in snakeskin. Even worse, this questionable fashion moment will live forever in National Championship photos. I hope he threw the jacket back on when they were passing out those hats at the end of the game.
Wait a minute. The interns are coming in with BREAKING NEWS. He didn’t throw the jacket on. Fuck, this is terrible.
A generation from now, someone will look at this picture and wonder what the hell that thing is up there in that picture. Wow, he just photobombed the greatest moment in Baylor history.
Come on Bruh!
-Brock
UvT News: Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Programming
Is the post office is closed, I might as well be closed. I assume most of you watched football and chilled like I did today. Back on schedule Wednesday. Ready to get it in 2012. By the way, even though it is a new year, even though the Miami Heat are 5-0, these pants are still not acceptable LeBron.
Your Christmas pajamas do NOT go with your tuxedo.
Come on Bruh!
-Brock
Come On Bruh! NBA Special Edition
Before I get to the Come On Bruh! Section of this post, I have to give props to Kendrick Perkins. When the lockout went down, there were bets on who was going to get the Shawn Kemp award. If you don’t know Shawn Kemp was the baddest leaper in the NBA prior to the last lockout. He was as explosive as Blake Griffin. He went from “The Reignman” in Seattle:
To this dude, who just really wants you to say the barbecue is at your crib this weekend.
Shoulders just one smooth slope from the left to the right, like my man is perfectly round outside of the picture.
Kendrick Perkins pulled a reverse Shawn Kemp. He dropped 32 pounds in the offseason.
He went from looking hungry:
To somehow still looking hungry, but in a good way.
But the Come on Bruh goes to another Shawn, Shawn Marion.
Shawn really decided that blonde Fauxhawk was a good idea, huh? Dude gets a ring and just immediately flips the “I don’t give a damn” switch on his entire life. He just looks like he gave up. It’s sad really. Even Sisqo thinks he looks ridiculous.
That’s about as bad as it gets.
Shawn Marion. Come on Bruh, you’re better than that.
-Brock