Charlie Sheen is Having the Best Week Ever!

Charlie Sheen has been on a slow boil for a long time.  Sure we heard about the Denise Richards situation, but you could always just chalk it up to celebrity wildness.  Then there has been news about him partying hard, but that didn’t seem so crazy to me either. But now, Charlie Sheen is going full Charlie Sheen.  He has hit the “I don’t give a damn” what people think wall at full steam. Charlie Sheen is no longer living for what anyone else wants, he is ready to let us know who he really is.

He is a full blown Superhero Rock Star from Mars. This dude is ready to tell us the truth.  We’ve been wondering if there is life on other planets, we have been waiting for the little green men to come to earth and try to take over the world.  We were wrong, we were all wrong.  Apparently the martians just wanted to come to Earth to make movies and do successful sitcoms.

Here is the key, I don’t actually think the dude is crazy. He is just better than everyone else and he doesn’t know how to explain it.  So he uses metaphor. He says he had the blood of a lion and the DNA of Adonis.  In case you haven’t done your homework, Adonis has a extreme physical attractiveness and was a lover of Venus who is constantly surrounded by a circle of young girls.  Charlie is no longer ready to accept the rules of mere mortals.  You want to shut down two and a half men because Charlie is unreliable? Charlie is gonna charge you $3 Million instead of $2 Million per episode to get him back.  You want to call him a drug addict? Nah, he’s not addicted, he just wants to live life to the fullest. If you want to try to understand him with your mortal brain, he’s going to let you know that you can’t do that. Society tells you to have one girlfriend? Charlie has two. Porn Stars, the dude goes all out. You want to say he’s on drugs? Nah Charlie is passing drug tests like it ain’t shit. Why, because Charlie Sheen is Winning.

Charlie Sheen has a high powered brain, we couldn’t handle it. You want to know what you would look like on Charlie Sheen’s brain?

You would be all jacked up homey, there is too much radical packed in there for mere mortals from this terrestrial realm to handle.  The interviewer calls him bipolar…he calls himself bi-winning, because he wins here and he wins there.  Dammit, I usually don’t drop a full on five minute video in here, but this is just too good.

Everyone is worried about Sheen’s erratic behavior, I’m actually more worried about the fact that he still uses the phrase “radical” to describe anything. You know what you get when you drop the word “radical” into Google?  You get this.

You get dayglo colors, some cursive script, the word “party” in mismatch lettering and Bill Freaking Cosby. Bill is looking completely comfortable that he can handle his totally radical responsibilities too.  You put Bill Cosby, Charlie Sheen, some weed flavored Jell-O pudding pops, and a carton of cigarettes in a room and there can be a real party.  I don’t even know what “banging seven gram rocks” means, but I’m sure it means Charlie is ready to get it done when he is finished.  Now correct me if I’m wrong…drug are still illegal, right? I know Charlie is radical, but he’s a little too free talking about the availability of drugs at his home.

Even after all of that, I’m with Charlie. This is better than the Tom Cruise interview with Oprah because Tom just did it once.  Charlie is trying to talk to every person with a microphone. I mean he is running interviews like “Charlie Sheen: The Movie” is dropping in theaters this Friday and ready to make a run for the Oscar.  Remember when Joaquin Phoenix made a fake movie about himself going crazy?  This ain’t fake, Charlie is going in like a method actor and putting his own shit on the line.  Somebody call Emilio, tu hermano es muy loco!

I don’t know why this is all going down, but Charlie Sheen is making an early run at UvT Man of the Year. I think that is radical.

-Brock