Throwing Down the Tracking Gauntlet

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Tracking is picking up steam. MRod dropped a nice one. A site called “Downfall of Society” dropped one on their site. I’m getting them in my email. We’re going to make this a damn movement if it kills me. I’m about to drop a bandwidth hogging, multi picture Tracking post to set the tone this week. Hit the track.

I’ll give you some John Wall:

Blast you with some Beiber:

Charles Barkley wants some:

Drew Stanton is getting the football version:

And finally, the atomic bomb. Kate Upton:

That girl is fine. Was she in March Madnass? She’s having an epic year.

Tracking keeps rolling. Get with it. Shoot me some suggestions in the comments and I’ll post them on the front page.

-Brock

On review, with music. I like how Charles keeps it smooth on this one.

Charles Barkley’s Jail Sentence: From Bad to Worse

I thought it was bad when I found out that Charles Barkley was going to jail.  Bu-bu-bu-but wait it gets worse!

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I told you yesterday that Arizona has very strict DUI laws.  I don’t disagree with it.  If you are a first timer, you are going to jail for at least a night, no questions asked.  But our girl Bichon Wheels let us know that they’ve also got a wild ass old school cowboy sheriff that just does whatever the hell he wants in the name of the correctional department.

Charles Barkley is going to tent city.  What is tent city you say?  Well good ol’ Sheriff Joe of Scottsdale, Arizona needed some new jail facilities.  Instead of doing an expensive construction project, Joe just had them put up some tents.  In Arizona.

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Real tents, with cots.  In Arizona.  Outside.  Hot, Cold, rainy, sunny, 120 degrees, whatever.   Those cats are sleeping outside.  But it doesn’t end there.

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Sheriff Joe is also going to hit you with the pink boxers.  You see he’s holding those joints real high and tight too.  That stain ain’t right.  Looks like blood in the crotch area.  It ain’t what you want.

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He’s also going to hit you with those pink outfits.  Dude on the left looks like he likedid it too.

Maybe you think you aren’t going to go out like a punk.  Go hard.  Start some trouble.

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He will go ahead and let you rock those pink handcuffs.  It looks like the tent village is pretty media friendly too.  That means Charles is going to get caught on film draped in those county blues errrrrr panks.  Us Versus Them favorite Mike Tyson got caught out there.

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Check the pink socks.  Sheriff Joe leaves no stone unturned.  Damn.

They are going to have to break out the XXXXL’s for Big Chuck though.  Dude is 6’8″ and he’s strongly north of the 300 pound mark.  That pink gear is not going to be pretty.

Sir Charles better keep it gangster up in there so no one messes with him.  Word is, he’s already getting ready for that jail stint.

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Keep it tight Chuck.  That is gonna be a long five days.  I hope you got that bj you were looking for that night.  She must be great…when you get out, she owes you one.

-Brock

Damn Homey! Charles Barkley Going to Jail!

Damn homey.  I thought you were the man homey…what happened to you?

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Remember when Sir Charles Barkley went down for DUI near the new year in Arizona?  The best part was his explanation.  He got some head the week before, the best of his life and just had to get more.  Meanwhile, he was tanked up on that .149 blood alcohol level.  (Side note: Lake just told me that he was flying so high on the goose Friday night that he basically remembers hitting the club…then waking up ten hours later.  Hilarious…didn’t let him drive though.)  Anyway, Barkley took a little time off from TNT, finally got back on TV last week, and tried to drop a few guilty pleas on the judge and get right back to it.

Well, surprise, surprise…he caught that 10 day JAIL SENTENCE. I know he wasn’t expecting that.  The crazy part?  Arizona has some of the illest DUI laws in the nation.  I mean I’ve been in Arizona and seen tv ads for the law.  At .15 which is basically a deep breath from where Charles ended up the sentence is a mandatory thirty days with 20 suspended if you do alcohol education.  Charles doesn’t want that at all.  Wondering why Charles didn’t get off completely?  You know the famous person rule?  Because it already happened. You’re telling me Chucky B blew one thousandth of a percent less than the legal level.

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Let’s just hope that the boys is jail don’t catch wind of this picture.

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They might want some of that.  Ha.  Charles might have to go to the Chris Brown school of laying low for a little while.  If TNT’s ratings weren’t so high, I’m thinking Sir Charles might be looking for a new gig.  Who are they going to replace him with?  Magic?

It isn’t the first time either.

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This was after Charles got popped for throwing that dude through the plate glass window a like 15 years ago.  Charles needs to lay off of that high heat.  It clearly doesn’t work out for him.

-Brock

When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong: Charles Barkley

Come on maaaaayne.  Are you serious?  Now I know that this is old news, but I just had to go ahead and mention my disappointment concerning the antics of my main mayne Sir Charles.

Haaaa.  Jeez Louise, I guess it’s pretty hot in Arizona.  I cannot believe this story.  I mean, look man, I know you all already heard that homey got popped for running a stop sign while drunk and that’s bad enough.  Incidentally, as an aside, how can anyone drive liquored up now that they’re running those extra creepy DUI commercials.  Yall know the ones where the hapeless mop is literally driving in a pool of his own drank?

Yo, that sh*t is nasty as hell.  Even worse, if you’ve ever thrown up due to a late night bender, and I know you have, because you know that they nailed the look of that damn liquid rumbling around in your stomach.  And why is it that when you’ve had a few and get behind the wheel, not that I’ve ever done this, you are compelled to eat that most bullsh*t snack food you can possibly think of?  I mean, how does that shiz get into your hand every single time?  It’s like they give you that parting gift singleton box of Fig Newtons when you order that last Goose and soda, splash of lime juice and pay your bill or something?

So odd.  Damn, where was I?  Oh yeah, Chaz Barkley keeping it too damn real for his own good.  Now we all know Charles is known for telling it like it is.  And mostly, we appreciate him for that.  Sure, keeping it real has gone wrong for him in the past.  Remember when he tried to spit on that fan who was yelling racist slurs at him, but ended up hitting a little girl?

Now that was f&cked up.  Or what about when he said that LeBron should shut his mouth about his free agency in 2010?  The truth is, when you’re Charles Barkley, a hall of fame millionaire, you can pretty much say whatever you want.  And that’s precisely Charles’ problem.  When the cop asked him that basic “where were you going” question after he pulled him over, Chuck hit him with that:

“You want to know the truth?  I was gonna drive around the corner and get a blow job…I got one from this girl last week.  It was the best one I had ever had in my life.”

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa  I mean, is this cat serious?  He just went ahead and hit him with that “You want to know the truth” rhetoric?  Honestly Chuck, the cops only want to know the truth if they can throw the book at you or in this case, publicly disgrace your candy arse.  Geez.  One thing that’s for sure, that “best hizzead I ever got” (and yes I did link that completely NSFW Superhead video, you’re welcome) must have been that real deal super legitimate sh*t!

I mean, ole girl “around the corner” took away all of Chuck’s good sense.  And yes, Charles is married and no I don’t think his wife was waiting around that corner ready to blow his mind after 20 plus years of substandard mic checkas until last week!

Now I’d like to say that this disqualifies Charles from running from Alabama Governor as he’s promised to do, but I’m not so sure.

Something like this might bolster support for him down ’round dem parts.  ha

- Lake