Brett Favre is finally in the news for something other than the fact that he’s about to retire that that he kinda sucks this year. There is a big scandal going down around the football star, but you know what? I’m not so sure it is an actual scandal. See Brett Favre must have been a faithful reader of Us Versus Them back in the day because we covered Jenn Sterger way back in 2007. In 2007, Brett was with the NY Jets and away from home, and he thought Sterger might be the answer to all his problems. Oh, and Brett was aiming high because Jenn Sterger is in fact bad.
She was on the Jets payroll as community relations, and Brett was trying to recruit her to the personal relations department.
So here is the scandal, Brett Favre allegedly got a Jets staffer to get her number, started sending texts and voicemails inviting her over after practice. I wonder if he told her that he’s the greatest Packer of all time? I guess being Brett Favre isn’t as easy as it looks because this dude was begging for that ass. I mean look, she’s bad, but Brett Favre is the most famous football player in the last 20 years. This dude is 41 years old and he thinks sending cellphone pictures of his junk is a good idea? Brett how did you let her know what you were working with?
Brett. Come on man. You know you aren’t working with all that are you?
Look man. You don’t need to cry about it. Oh and by the way, next time you send pictures of your crank to some chick, you probably shouldn’t wear the same watch you wore when you retired. I’m just saying, you don’t want to pull an R. Kelly and have ridiculous incriminating pictures of yourself with obvious indications it is actually you. Like allegedly making an alleged sextape with a alleged underage girl in an extremely distinctive cabin themed room in your alleged house.
But if aRa can get away with that, surely Brett can get away with this.
But let’s boil this down. What is Brett actually in trouble for here? I’m pretty sure if Roger Goodell suspended every football player that tried to holler at Sheesna T. Mywife…he’d be recruiting players from the UFL immediately. So this isn’t for being a cheater. He didn’t actually have sex with the chick so this isn’t any sort of a sexual assault situation. No Rothlisberger here. Emailing naked pictures? Yeah, I’m pretty sure that cancels out a bunch of guys too. Sexual harassment? Yeah, kinda. They are both employees. I know he’s a QB and that dude is the captain, but I’m pretty sure a guy sending a few voicemails to a hot chick on the staff happens a lot. Do you know how many football players hooked up with the team cheerleaders?
So this has to be pretty much because Brett Favre is an asshole.
So Brett, Us Versus Them is always trying to help out. So here are some rules for trying to cheat on your wife.
The Rules of Cheating:
#1: Don’t Cheat.
#2: If you cheat make sure she is bad (right John Edwards?)
There is nothing worse than getting popped for trying to cut down a slumpbuster.
#3. If you are gonna get caught cheating, close the deal.
How much does it suck for ruining your reputation and life over a chick who didn’t even let you hit it.
#4. 41 year old guys don’t need to be sending pics of their cack via cell phone. I’m just curious. Ladies of UvT. I’ve seen a lot of guys run a lot of game, but I’ve never gotten the impression that shooting over a pic of the cack is going to close the deal. Seriously, when the phone calls and text messages didn’t work, did this dude really think to himself, “I know. I’m gonna pull out the big guns. Wait until she takes a peek at what I’m working with. THEN she’s gonna get down with Team Favre.” Did he really think she was going to fire up her Blackberry and say, “well damn. NOW I want to bang the most famous QB on the planet, will you look at that dick.” I’m pretty sure that wasn’t how it was going down. Also, don’t you need to send dick pics over with some sort of point of reference? Like take a picture next to a dollar bill, a cell phone, a ruler some object that everyone knows so they can get a sense of relative size. Otherwise perspective can really throw everything off.
Now Brett Favre may try to convince everyone else it isn’t him in those dack pictures, but you want to know one person who knows whether or not is is actually him? His wife. That sucks.
So yeah Roger Goodell. You’ve got a choice to make. Either you can try to take down the most famous man in your league right now for something that is not a crime, isn’t that uncommon in your league, and may not be wrong at all, or let him slide on potential sexual harassment. I’m thinking by time they try to catch the ol gunslinger on this one he’ll be riding off into the sunset. You can do like Bill Clinton and impeach him after he’s out of office.
This whole thing is ridiculous.
Brett Favre’s wife DOES NOT stand by her man in 5…4…3…2…