Karma’s a bitch: Giants are champs, Pats are not

I don’t know, maybe illegally videotaping your opponent, rocking that ridiculous hoodie all the time, stealing people’s wives and putting them in pimp houses in Brooklyn, never being honest on your injury reports, mumbling with a stoned grill through all your press conferences and running up the score on your opponents this year thereby giving Brock and unwarranted and unnatural upgrade at Fantasy QB wasn’t such a good idea after all.

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It’s called Karma my nilla and now it came to bite you in the azz! Oh yeah, you got what you deserved tonight, that we know. The Giants won and pretty much everyone outside the 617 was happy as a result. I wonder what Mercury Morris will have in store for all of us tomorrow.

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You know those ESPN executives are on the phone with that cat right now checking out those flights on Orbitz because they need homey on set to run some post Non Perfect Season smack on the Patriots. Let me just give yall a sample of the kind of smack this cat runs.

Hilarious. As I said before, homey needs to be a regular feature on ESPN’s NFL coverage. He’s great.

Anyway, I don’t want to rub anyone’s face in it, but this thing went about as it should have. Again, Karma is a muthafucka and the Patriots have been assholes all year long. Their coach is a complete dick and hey, even Tom Brady got a little dirt under his nails.

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Oh and you can stop those “Tom Brady is the best Quarterback of all time” statements any time now. Tom was not sharp today.

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Sure, he was bothered by the Giants’ pass rush, but this is the NFL.

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He missed a number of key throws to Randy Moss and just wasn’t able to execute when he did have the passing lanes. Cats ride his jock when they win, so they might as well kick him in the nuts now that they lost. Oh and how happy do you think Bridget Moynahan is right now?

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You know she’s got little Tommy dressed up in a Eli Manning alternate Red Jersey just making it rain (with Tom’s child support money) on the little guy like confetti after the game.

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Damn T, I think you’re an all right guy but you kind of deserved what you got. It’s all good though, you’re the man with three rings already and you’ve got years ahead of you. Make it right homes.

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Congrats to the Giants. I didn’t need Plaxico’s waterworks at the end, but hey, cats were talking shit when he guaranteed victory and said the Pats would only score 17 points. Hell, even the humble Tommy B. responded to Plax by saying 1. “Is Plax going to play defense” and 2. “give us a little credit”… sheeyut, seems to me he gave yall too much credit since you only mustered up 14 points.

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Given that Plax can’t speak on the topic right now, I’ll do it for him. AND DEN WHAT?!

Finally, how silly does THIS cat look right now?

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Damn son, put some clothes on. Ok, how about now?

Anyway, Tiki looks like a real clown right now. I mean, he left the team talking all that “I have other opportunities” and as soon as his ass leaves the Giants start manning up and playing as a team. Sad to say, but both he and Jeremy Shockey were quietly more a part of the problem than the solution. All this talk about Shockey being a “premier” tight end. Really? I can’t tell on the field. Anyway, Tiki and his brother Rhonde look really silly right now.

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Michael Vick aint got shit on these two cats. Lol, look at the dog… If he could talk he’d definitely be yelling “Yelp!” (Scooby).

I mean, it’s almost like Tiki lost a championship more than the Giants won it without him. Pretty terrible. Congrats to the fellas… Fire up that “Ballin” song one last time.

– Lake

Belichick is AP Coach of the Year

Bill Belicheat was named the 2007 Associated Press Coach of the Year today.

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Congrats from UvT. We were definitely pulling for you. Let me get this straight. This is a cheater.

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This is not:

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I love the highly ethical, consistent and completely unbiased media members. I guess it pays to have some homies to spread the blame errr cloud the issue errr get your back.

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I know, I know, Belichick is just misunderstood. I know. Keep up the good work Bill. Who knows, maybe you can get with your boy Dubyah are run for public office. Belicheat in 2008!!!

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– Lake

Perfect? Pats cap off controversial regular season

I hate to say I told yall so, but of course, Lake was right again as the Pats made short work of the New York Giants. Eli put up a nice fight early, but he suddenly remembered that he was who we thought he was in that second half.

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Anyway, this post has nothing to do with those fakers in blue (have fun losing in that first round playoff game fellas). What I want to focus on is this turmoil filled season for the Pats. Sure, the Pats are 16-0 and perfect on the field, but when you put it all into context, it’s more like a “Prefect” season than anything else. Can you believe all the controversy these cats had to deal with this year? Here’s my year in review rundown:

1. Pimps up hoes down, Brady style

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Oh yes, ole Bridge wasn’t very happy when Tom traded in her iRobot level career and played out her real life Sex and the City Natasha scenario en route to bagging supermodel Gisele.

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Boy Gisele is attractive, but I wonder how she stays so thin.

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Gisele riding the white horse, is there anything better than that? Plus this chick has an estimated $150 million in the bank. Tom Brady truly is great.

2. The Revenge of Bridgette

Unfortunately, young B wasn’t going to go quietly when Tom moved on to a better version of her.

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Tom got caught out there with the okie doke and got a little egg on his face. Normally this wouldn’t be an issue, but Tom had previously branded himself as a “golden boy” of sorts. Maybe it was a media creation and maybe it was just him. Either way, this didn’t help that or any image of Tom’s.

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Damn, wild torpedo belly, I wonder what that kid was doing up in there.

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Oh well, it’s not a big deal to me. But the dirt under Tom’s fingernails worked for his mojo this year. If you ax me, he needs to go ahead and get Gizzy preggers and then upgrade to a newer and younger chick….this all would be for the glory of the Pats of course. Tom needs his medicine.

3. Beli-Cheat and Spygate

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Say what you want about the Pats, but this season should not be minimized by the Spygate scandal. Again, the Pats needed spygate to motivate them and make them nasty. Clearly it worked. Hey, there really isn’t much more to say about this part of the story, but I just like the pictures I have depicting spygate so much that I’ll just throw another up for my own amusement.

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4. Everything that makes Bill Belichick the Hoody

First is that ridiculous cut-off sweatshirt hoody that he rocks. I mean dude looks like a freaking homeless person on the sideline. He’s got the wrinkled up, wrinkle free dockers, the thugged out hoody joint and that freaking crazy concrete mug. It’s just hilarious.

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Then you have the fact that he got dimed out by the Man-genius for being a cheater even though the League warned him to stop taping his opponents sidelines.

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That foolishness earned him that hot $500,000 fine and about $500,000,000 in embarrassment. But you can’t stop Bill. My favorite story about him from this year was how he ran hoes out of that Brooklyn brownstone.

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You just gotta love it.

At any rate, this certainly is a team for the ages. Like all great teams, there is more to pay attention to than just the games themselves. Please note that Randy Moss has done nothing but make this team better this year and hasn’t brought ANY off field foolishness to the table.

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Randy is the man and if he was the one running some dude’s wife like a ho or knocking up multiple actress/models, the media would be all over him. What can you do… Congrats to the Pats. I’ve enjoyed it

– Lake

Belicheat to NFL: I’m so hood…

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If any of you saw last night’s game you know what this post is about. I was watching the game last night and as the Patriots were making that last drive all I can think of is how Bill Belichick needs to make his own version of one of the hottest songs out now, I’m so Hood Remix. Yall know the intro where T Pain hypes up the song with all the ways he’s hood. Funny, I always that he was more prison bitch hood if anything, but who knows. I guess he laid the song down flat and the joint is hot so I shouldn’t hate too much. Anyway, this is Bill’s intro to the very same song and as always, you must listen to the song, linked below, first in order to get the joke:

I’m so Hood (Remix) by Billy the Cheat aka Bill Belichick feat. Tom Brady, Randy Moss, some dude’s wife/Bill’s new girl and a high definition video camera

I’m soooo Hood (Listen)
I wear these wrinkled khakis up on my waist
I got this ice grille all on my face
cuz yall reporterz is planning to hate (I rock a HOOD)

And I got yo wife up at my house
Akinyele blaring out,
you know what I’m talking about (I bout dis HOOD-OD)
And and all my Pats fans won’t ya stand up (my Pats iz Hood-od)
my hood assistance pick that footage up
I don’t care what yall be talkin’ bout,
if you aint feelin Billy go home n pout it -ou-ou-out
16-0 iz bout dis-HOOD!!!!

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The Pats just barely edged by the Baltimore Ravens last night as a result of a series of timeouts, penalties, suspect calls and timely plays made by Tom Brady and the New England receivers. The game was kind of crazy. You’re sitting there watching it saying to yourself, “huh, the Ravens are actually in this game” to “man, the Ravens have a chance” to “wow, the Ravens are about to really beat these cats” to “muthafucka, the Hood master himself, Billy Beli-Cheat done gotten over on the league again, I can’t wait to hear his evasive mumbling and grumbling answers in the presser.”

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You know what’s hilarious? You often have to look for “bad” pictures of cats to make your point, but in the case of B-Cheat, ALL his pics look like this.

True to form, Bill was a m*therfucker after the game, being the exact asshole that we thought he was.

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Shoot, even Tom Brady was a bit of a jerk at the end of the game. He didn’t take too kindly to the notion that they “got all the calls at the end,” a question one of the reporters asked him. I’ve never heard Tom ice down a reporter like that though. I mean, he really fired back at him “you tell me if we got them, I get fined if I talk about.. yeah and earlier in the game, we didn’t get the calls dickhead”. Ok, the “dickhead” was added in by me, but that’s what he meant.

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I guess having a baby out of wedlock and getting busted for cheating will make a dude get a lil prickly. Hey, I still like Tom though. He’s a good cat and he’s dead nice at throwing the pill. When he ran for that first down on 4th and 6, after missing it twice before, that was ballsy. Homey has the heart of a lion, will of a champion…oh and he’s got Gisele so you can only hate so much.

Anyway, the story remains the same.

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Just when you think hated front-runners are gonna finally get what’s coming to them, Belichick gets over on the league and does it in true asshole fashion. I can’t lie… I wanted B-more to win, but you just got to root for Evil on some level, too.

One thing is for sure, Bill Belichick aka The Hoody aka Beli-cheat is so damn hood. And speaking of being so damn hood, is DJ Khaled that damn hood that it’s suddenly ok for him to be running around yelling the N-word like he’s on set of the Chris Rock Show or something?

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(You better be hood fool)

I mean, he didn’t just say it a little bit, he really went at it. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t see nary a trace of Sub Saharan African in that cat… I’m sure his boys are good with it, but he best watch his back. You best be that hood before some civilized suited up corporate black man sets you straight about the rules for who can and cannot say what to who.

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Damn, sorry, now THAT was hood. Late.

– Lake

New England Patriots: Best Team Ever?

What are they putting in the water in Massachusetts?  First the Red Sox turn it up in the playoffs to win the World Series.  The Celtics are dragging everyone early with the new Big 3.  But these New England Patriots are putting on the best show the NFL has seen in years.  Brady just stands in the pocket waiting to pick people apart.  Randy Moss is looking like the player everyone thought he was when he was drafted.  The defense is crushing people.  No gimmicks, no flash, they are just beating the hell out of every team that gets put in front of them.

Vader Belichick

You think this guy has a chip on his shoulder?  How do you get to the cut off sweatshirt anyway?  Does it mean you are too hot or too cold?  Seriously, if is like a t-shirt made out of that thick ass sweatshirt material.  They don’t sell those for a reason.  If you don’t want sleeves, go to the regular T.  If you need to be warm, go with the sweatshirt.  There are actual options between the two.  The long sleeve T for instance, the sweater vest, those terrible windbreakers, a members only jacket.  I mean he is one more cut away from looking like one of those cats in the gym that wear zubaz pants.

Anyway, the Patriots are about to make the NFL drop in a mercy rule.  They won 56-10 last night.  They’ve averaged more than 40 points per game.  Brady has 38 touchdowns so far, projected for 61.  Payton had 49 a few seasons ago.  Brady has 6 games left, but the way he’s passing he’ll have it by halftime on December 9th.  And after Don Shula was talking all that shit, what do you think they are going to do to the Dolphins (going for their own special kind of perfect season this year) on December 23?

With all the success in Boston, what would happen if the teams all started working together to form some kind of super team?

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Forget it, that’s just ridiculous.

-Brock

Belicheat fights back!!!

After a week of face slappities and Belichick ego smackities the New England Patriots coach silenced some of his critics on Sunday with a convincing win over the AFC rival San Diego Chargers. As far as we know, Bill didn’t cheat for this win, but then again, you never can tell…

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(Look at Bill in his b-boy stance. Too stylish)

B-Cheat was his usual cheerful self after the game, you know, mumbling, not asnwering quesitons, and taking offense to everything that wasn’t congratulatory. Hell, with an attitude like that perhaps he should join the Bush Administration.

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At least with his tactics, lying and cheating he manages to get things done with is more than I can say for Dubyah and his band of idiots. Anyway, it was a good win for the Pats and you just know they’re all celebrating right now. Belichick would do his typical, sacrifice someone’s relationship by stealing their wife, but he’s waiting for Tom Brady to make it legit with Gisele.

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Ok, I admit it, I just wanted to post another picture of Gisele, but Bill would hit…though, I can’t really blame him.

– Lake

Patriot Act: Beli-cheat gets his wrist slapped for spying

“I done got in trouble again”

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In spite of the prevailing sentiment among most of ESPN’s so called “analysts” who would rather see Bill Belichick receive some kind of award for his role in the use of improper videotape footage, NFL hatchet man Roger Goodell smack up the Beli-Cheater and the Pats organization for cheating against the NY Jets.

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Because of the incident BeliCheat was fined $500,000, the Patriots were fined $250,000 and the Pats will lose their 2008 first round draft pick if the team makes the playoffs this year. No word on what will happen to the little dude who was doing the videotaping.

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(Boy, you know Cameraman Matt Estrella is shook somewhere right now)

Man, they should cut this cat some slack. It’s not like he’s the mastermind, he’s just a pawn. Do you guys think the Pats will fire him or is it like George W. Bush and his flunkies who all end up with promotions, fat jobs or one of his daughters in exchange for falling on the sword? I guess you never know.. All I know is that Bill Belichick has finally showed his true nature:

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So we can end all this “class organization” and “best coach ever” talk right about now. Ahh, he got off easy. What’s half a mil to Billy B?

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I guess B-Cheat’s married girlfriends will suffer a little bit in the off-season since he’ll have a little less pocket change to rain on dem hoes. But hey, what can you do, even hizzoes can have bad gold digging year when they fall out of favor with a target or their man losses some loot. Look at Shaunie O’Neal…..

– Lake

Bill Belichick: Sex, Lies and Videotape

No need to spend much time on this, but it kind of bares mentioning that the New England Patriots Head Coach Bill Belichick is not at all a good dude.

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(Head Cheater)

The latest example of this was revealed to us this week when we learned that the Patriots were using a video camera to steal the play calling signs from the Jets Defense during the game this weekend. It’s been speculated that the Pats could lose multiple draft picks as a result of this latest transgression.

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Hopefully they’ll smack Billy B up with a stiff suspension as well. What’s wrong with this cat? I mean, the guy is surly, abrasive, inconsiderate, classless and just downright rude. Which would be bad enough, but this is now the second time the Pats cheated under Belichick’s stewardship — reportedly the Pats were warned about improperly using video tape to monitor the Packers last year.

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Everybody is tired of Bill’s act.

He’s a complete jerk who has gotten a ridiculous pass from these hypocritical media types who love to nail Randy Moss, AI, Terrell Owens, and Michael Vick, but look the other way for “their guy” who of course is part of their set of “good ole boys”… I’m speaking of clowns like Tony Kornheiser who actually had the audacity to criticize LaDainian Tomlinson for saying that the Pats cheat.Again, Tony, you really suck as broadcaster and a sports personality. You may play this lovable crazy grandpa type on PTI, but I remember when you were a mean-spirited ole coot back on DC sports talk radio. You suck and have no journalistic integrity, just like Bill.

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(peep one of the married women Billy B was macking)

I’m not going to run it down, but let’s just say he ran around on his wife, he cheats with wives of other married men, he assaults cameramen, he disses his old assistants, he refuses to acknowledge the good play of other players… hell, I do believe Bill might be responsible for global warming. Look at all the loot he was providing ANOTHER man’s wife in New Jersey..

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Bill is a wiiiiiiiild boy!!!!

Tommy B having babies out of wedlock, Bill Belichick banging out other people’s wives, Rodney Harrison and the HGH scandal, yep the Pats are off to a great year. Who knew that they needed to bring in Randy Moss to bring some character and integrity into that organization… LOL

-Lake