Old Spice Commercial: STOP IT’S THA MOTHAF*$&%N REMIX

I’ve already covered the fact that I think that Old Spice commercial is damn hilarious.  I usually don’t go for the folk song remix, but John Denver is classic.

They jacked “You Fill up My Senses” and killed it, particularly my man on 2nd guitar.  He really nailed that “the tickets are now diamonds” line.


Honesty in Advertising

People overuse lawyers and someone finally decided to make fun of it.

That lone tear like Denzel in Glory is epic.


Ladies Love Sprite

Check out this German commercial.  Probably about a 3 on the NSFW scale.  Nothing Technically happens, but the sounds and visuals are suggestive until the end.


So does that qualify as a Lymon shower?  Is that Alton from the Real World? 


This Is Why People Get Their Ass Kicked: Chicago Lake Liquors

Did you know that there is a legal allowance for “fighting words” where the words are so venomous that you can catch an immediate, legal asswhoopin on the spot.  Well, if I ever find the person who wrote this, filmed this, or acted in these spots, I’m going to exercise that right.


First of all, that brother in the first commercial is having a “Come on Bruh” moment.  You’ve gotta read that script and say “nah, I’m gonna pass on this one”.  “For Shacka my Cracka”?  I’m thinking they should have gone with “For Realla my Nilla”.  Oh, and it doesn’t end there.  They’ve got banners too.


Now see, that is why I can’t get down with Minnesota.  It really isn’t healthy to live in a place where there aren’t any black people.  First, you think real black people are caricatures so this is how you believe people actually speak.  Second, when there are no Black people around, you can put stuff like this out without fearing that ass whoopin coming.  Anyone for a road trip?  If Lake tells one of the interns “for shacka my cracka” I’m whooping his ass too.


Good Idea? Bad Idea! 2 Girls 1 Sub

Quiznos must be getting their asses kicked by the 5 Dollar Footlong at Subway because they are getting downright desperate.  First, they introduce their “torpedo” sandwich for $4.  Get it?  They have a $5 sandwich, we have a $4 sandwich.  Toasty! They started getting loose when they made their Torpedo ads into semi-homoerotic food porn.  Now they’ve got full on erotic food porn.  (UPDATE: I just realized that this is still homoerotic.  Funny.  I don’t consider two girls homosexual…weird)  Here is 2 Girls 1 Sub…by Playboy?  At least that means the girls are hot.  Sound is not safe for work, lots of moaning and sexy sounds here so turn down the ol speakers…you’re not missing much and you’ve head all the sounds before.  (Haven’t you?  If not, you’re probably one of them and you’re not in the right place.)

Repeat, sound is NSFW.  Probably about a 5 on the scale I promised to give you last week and should be able to get done this week.  Don’t want any of Us getting called into HR this morning.

Is that sexy?  The sexiest part is that ol girl in the red is kinda thick at the beginning.  So for the ones of you who don’t know this is based on 2 girls 1 cup.  I’ve covered the fact that you should not go to that site ever.  For real, never ever.  If you want to know why, find out here. (not the link to the actual site).  Don’t go.  Don’t google search it, just know that it is worse than you think it is and leave it at that.  Okay?  Don’t believe me, here is someone’s grandma watching it for the first time.

She tries to leave halfway through.  Got it?

Is the Quizno’s ad sexy though?  Better question…is it advertising?  People forget that it is called viral advertising.  People always want to go viral.  Did that work?  I liked to it, so yeah.   The advertising part?  Does it make me want to go eat a sandwich from Quizno’s.  Hell.  F’ing.  No.  Hot girls eating a lot?  No thanks.  That “mayo” that fell on her chest sexy?  No.  Makes me thing she probably smells like vinegar.  That part at the end when they are deep throating the sandwich from both ends.  Nah, not thanks, I’m not George Costanza.

Still want to know what 2 Girls 1 Cup was about.  Okay, take the Quizno’s video.  Pretend the girls chew the sandwich and spit it into each other’s mouth.  Oh, and the sandwich came out of her arse.  And the sandwich is made of shat.  Did I mention it comes out of her arse?

Yeah Quizno’s just compared their sandwich to shit.  Great connotation when it comes to food.  Someone getting fired over this?  Probably.


That Ain’t Right: Advertising Edition

I like to kick out advertising because I feel like good advertising is just like Us Versus Them…looking at the world through a slightly different lens.  Sometimes they just push it a little too far though.  These first ones are pretty smart…but still f’d up.

For low Alcohol beer. Who drinks low alcohol beer?  Talk about Man Up.  Either you’re drinking or you aren’t.  You’re already drinking beer, go high octane.  Is the tagline “Cooper’s Beer.  When you just wanna piss all night”?  Seriously.


I guess the beer goggles only work a little bit.


Awwwwwww.  That is just a big girl joke…besides she’s already married.

So those aren’t that bad.  These are the joints that really farked me up.


I don’t care how you want to get your point across.  That just ain’t right.  If someone put my mom’s grill on Christina Milian and I got that tingly feeling for even one second that would be grounds for immediate asswhoopin.  OK?  Fighting words.  On the spot.  This is the same.  That’s why I’m not a J man.  You can’t fake the tail.  Although that lower back is…AAAAAAAAHHHHH I’M GOING TO HELL!

You know what’s worse.  They neeeeeeever want to put Black people in ads.  This time?  Yeah, they’ve got us covered.


Come on man!  That ain’t right.  The worst part, there is a “to catch a predator” cat out there thinking…”yeaaaaaah, that’s what I’m talking about”. 

Damn, I’m gonna need to clean it up for everyone out there to clear these images from their mind.


AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.  I can’t escape.  I’m out!  (she’s right though)  Awwwwwww, still doing it.  Can’t.  Turn.  It.  Off.


More Ads: They Keep it Sexy Overseas

Yesterday I hit you with the product that “feels like a fireman comes in your mouth”.  But there is some other advertising that keeps it a little more classy.  You know how you introduce your kids to sex by telling them about the birds and the bees?  Well you might not to that anymore if you knew birds and bees were getting down like this.


I wonder if the bee is buzzed.


Hilarious.  My man is getting his stinger waxed.  Wait, if the both have stingers, is this a violation of Rule #1?


Not that bee bondage.  This has already gone too far.  This is what happens when I start posting this late and the big news of the day is Cassie getting butt naked.  It started going downhill first thing this morning and hasn’t gotten better.


International Advertising: Get Yo Translations Game Tight

If you are a young lady and you ate something that just might not agree with you, what do you reach for.  The makers of Gaviscon want you to think of them first.  They want you to know that Gaviscon will handle your problems and make you feel good.  But that isn’t enough for advertisers.  You can’t just say that.  There really needs to be some sort of snappy metaphor to really send the point home.



Perfect.  That fourth frame of the fireman spraying his hose is waaaay better once you hear the tagline.  What a feeling indeed.  I guess they keep it freaky in Japan.


That ain’t right.