The Internet Has Been Very, Very Good To Me

I think we’ve been over this before. I find some spectacular things on the internet when I’m busy finding new things to add to my “Things you should never Google” list. You know, the list of terms that seem innocent until you type them into Google without safe search. The additions this week are “Red Tails”, “Super PAC”, and “The Bachelor Finale”.

But as I’m flying through the internet I find some crazy stuff that I just can’t put anywhere else. This next one gets a 10 for creativity, a 5 for possibility of tasting good, and about a 10 on the probability that a fat dude invented this.

Really taking Chicken and Waffles seriously. Anyone who cooks knows good and well the chicken inside of that waffle has to be disgusting. That ain’t right.

If these guys are Team Them, I’m pretty sure they know not to sit in this order. But I’m going to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they are Team Us and they did this on purpose.

How can someone with so much money look so angry?

I think the stack of money in the side of the hat is my favorite part of this picture. Although, I don’t care how much money they have, something isn’t right about two dudes hanging out taking pictures at the foot of the bed in hotel rooms in white t-shirts.

Terrible.

-Brock

 

 

Rich and Famous: It’s Not All Good

From the outside being rich and famous seems like a great deal.  What’s bad about being rich?  Nothing.  Nothing at all.  Being rich is great.  Not only can you get whatever you want, but you also don’t have to worry about all of life’s bullshit. Bottom line, being broke is stressful.  Who wants to worry about whether or not you can do something?  When someone says, do you want another drink?, I don’t want to have to check or think about it before I offer a resounding, Yes. Even worse, I definitely don’t want to have to decide between my cell phone bill and my cable, or my lights and my heat.  That will wear you out quick.

There is only one thing that sucks about being rich, and that is when other people actually know you are rich. It isn’t a problem trying to figure out how to spend your own money, but when other people are thinking about how to spend it, or judging hot you decide to spend it, that is when the trouble starts.  Which brings me to being famous.

Being famous seems like a pretty good deal too.  People know who you are.  Famous people seem to do a lot of fun stuff.  Make music, play sports, go to awards shows, get free stuff, get in places for free.  Sounds great right?  Yeah, it probably is pretty good as long as you are the right kind of famous.  There is definitely a range.  First, there is Tom Cruise, Oprah, Brad Pitt famous.

Also known as famous and stupid rich.  Tom Cruise has his own freaking planes.

On one hand, they can’t actually do many normal things.  It is a little hard to walk down the street or go shopping when paparazzi and crazy ass fans follow you.  When Tom Cruise went to a Harvard Law School class last spring to listen in on a professor he was working with, there was damn near a riot after class after students were texting and tweeting from class.

OMG! Tom F’n Cruise in n my prop. Class! WTF?!?!?!?!111111!

That is a little wild, but when you are rich it is okay.  You can hop in the private jet, hit your estate in Prague, and go catch some first run movies in the theater room while your chef whips up a five star meal.  There is a trade off there, but it seems like they might be able to deal with it.

Then there is the level of pretty famous people.  Sure, they get recognized when they are out, might have to take a few pictures or sign a few autographs when they are out, but in general people see Martha Stewart at Nobu and she can generally eat in peace.  Tom Brady isn’t going to shut down the local Kroger if he needs to run in and grab Giselle some deodorant and a bunch of bananas.  That might be the sweet spot right there.  If you have $80-$100 million and you get to do all the cool shit while people generally leave you alone, that sounds like a pretty good life to me.  Below that we have the people who are famous, but not necessarily rich.

As you can see, generally as you slide down this scale life gets a little bit worse.  If you are a mid level movie or music artist, people generally assume you are rich as hell, but you might not make that much money.  If you clear $1,000,000 a year and you don’t know if you are going to be cut the next year, or if you next album or movie is going to be your last, you might be in bad shape.  Don’t get me wrong, that milli feels good while you’ve got it, but it might suck to pick up every single check and have all your cousins living with you because they think you are rich. That back up cornerback on the Atlanta Falcons does not make that much money.

That redhead chick from the Pussycat dolls is struggling.

She does have a crazy tail game though.

That dude that is on Sportscenter late Friday night.

Eh-eh.

Then the whole thing bottoms out with the reality stars.  They are famous and recognizable, so everyone has an opinion on them and asshole bloggers like me can talk shit about them, and those cats don’t have loot to show for it.  Those cats from Jersey Shore were getting a spot to stay, which they basically covered by working a job at a t-shirt shop, and $300 a show each.  Those cats are not rich.  They negotiated up for the second season for $10,000 per show.  Sounds great, but Uncle Sam is gonna get about half, so when Snooki and J-WOWW walk away from season 2 with 65K and a swift boot in the ass after they jump the shark long about 3 episodes in, they will be on Celebrity Fit Club and Intervention in three years wondering when it all went wrong.

Sure, $4,000 to show up in some club in Newport, VA is great now, but that is gonna wear off quickly.  I swear I saw a chick working up in the Bed, Bath, and Beyond near my crib that was on Real World Philly or some shit. I’m just saying she looked familiar, and the harder I looked, the more her face turned in to “please don’t ask, please don’t ask, pleasepleaseplease don’t recognize me.

For real, I feel like that chick second from the left sold me some tongs and a pillow.  Bed, Bath and Beyond that ain’t what ya want.

Lets not even talk about ex-stars.  Ma$e is spelling his name with a regular “s” right now because he’s broke.

Everyone from 98 degrees not named Nick Lachey?  Broke, broke, broke.  And if Nick wast still on that Jessica Simpson loot, hed be broke too.

Every MTV Vee-Jay other than Carson Daly and La-La because she is about to marry Carmelo, broke. Hell, Terrance and Rocsi on BET right now aren’t getting paid.  Not real loot.

That is the worst place you can be. Craig Hodges has two NBA Championship rings and won a three All-Star three point contests. You think he has loot? Nah. Not professional baller money.

The sweet spot of the whole thing is rich and anonymous.  That way people don’t ask you for much and you can do your thing. You get most of the benefit with none of the pressure.  If you want a little taste of the fame, you can go ahead and be a celebrity businessman.

No one is following Steve jobs around.  Even better, those random second or third on the totem pole bankers and lead partners in law firms who are clocking $80 million are killing it.  Picture Bernie Madoff if he wasn’t actually stealing most of that money. For every Bernie Madoff who stole the loot, there is someone out there who has that same money and is legit.  They are just walking down the street doing their thing.  Rich as hell without all the baggage.  That has to be the sweet spot.  If you mess up, your business is not in the news, if you do well your second cousin doesn’t show up talking about how they only need $50,000 for this new business they are trying to start.

-Brock, tryin to be rich but only internets famous.

“Sensitive Thugs Yall All Need Hugs,” Part 2

This is an oldie but goodie.  Super thug “The Game” catching that extreme ice out from his lady on Change of Heart.

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haaa  classic.

Seriously, this cat was out here talking about, “We watched the sunrise together.”  WTF?  Man Up Game..  I thought you always went hard.

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I know, I know…

– Lake

“Sensitive Thugs Yall All Need Hugs,” Kenyon Martin

Now see this is my issue with the Thug in general.  At their core, they’re all cats.

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Anyone who tries to put on the thug persona is usually just a little yatch acting out.

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I mean, they walk around all day mean muggin and then come home and just want their feet rubbed.  Ya know?  So when I see them reverting to their natural form, ie. a cat juice seeking yatch, I feel a need to call it out.  With that said, what in the hell is Kenyon Martin doing, shirtless, with Trina in some magazine?  Come on.

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That really is more thigh than KFC…  Sadly, it’s also more calf than Mickey Ds… not right.

Dude, you can’t be all super thugged out and then take your shirt off for a camera shoot.  That’s ANY camera shoot.  Once you go public thug, that’s it.  No more R&B.  No more Maxwell concerts.  ;-)   And definitely not more, none pick up game, non beach shirtless episodes.  And no I don’t care that you’re showing off your tattoos, hell, that’s worse.

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You’re supposed to be that cat who gets the tats for deep personal reasons.  Your tats are an expression of who you really are on the inside and they’re “personal”… AHNT.  Meanwhile, this clown is puckering up on some ole cat sh*t.  I mean, look at him… all airbrushed out with nary a piece of facial hair out of place.

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Bring back the man’s man version of Kenyon.  That “I’ll take care of it” (with reference to Mark Cuban yelling at his moms..incidentally, he DIDN’T take care of it) Kenyon.  Not the media whore looking all extra off key with his “Boo” (which might be the worst word in the pop culture today) crawling on him like a stuffed puma.   AHNNNT

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This is awful.  And while I do appreciate the back game Trina comes with, none of what we actually like about her is on display here.  Nah… this is off season Trina.  Miami Subs Trina.

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That’s why we’re getting nothing but angle twos with nary a midsection in sight (except for Kenyon’s, wtf?).  Why doesn’t she just rock a parka?  Useless to me.

– Lake

Everyone Has Beef With 50 cent, Including this 15 Year Old!

50 Cent is currently in an epic battle with Rick Ross over on YouTube that is so epic, and so ridiculous that 50 Cent put on a jheri curl wig and is still winning the battle.

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I mean you have to talk a lot of shit to rock that wig and still be winning.  Wait, you’ve got to see this joint.

“Pimpin’ Curly”

Anyway, with Fitty focused on Ricky Ross, he needs to get someone to watch his back, because people are really coming for him out here.

For instance, 50 Cent just gave an interview where he said that he wants to put out a fitty vibrator for the ladies.  Well this cat on youtube ain’t havin’ it.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAxAVHzeEwM

Oh man, that is great.  Starting with that little B.S. mustache he’s rocking.

“What’s next, Fitty cent diapers?  For your little gangsta?”

Yes fitty, you’re just a media whore…unlike the 15 year old with the webcam trying to get 1,000 subscribers.

-Brock

Quick Rewind: Beautiful Liar

I had to come up with a new title.  This isn’t old enough to be “Classic Material”, but it isn’t new either.  I know, I know, on 106 and Park when they are about to hit you with that “old school joint” they hit you with that “Disco Inferno” off of 50 Cent’s second album.  2005 ain’t classic…assholes.  Anyway, I know why this didn’t get more run when it first came out.  Let’s peep this “Beautiful Liar” by Beyonce and Shakira.

The song is actually decent, but let’s go straight to the visuals on this one.  Can we talk about the hip roll and shake at 2:45.  Can we address the grinding buck up against the wall at 3:08…then they have the nerve to reverse it at 3:14?  Seriously?  I haven’t seen grinding like that since the “slow down last song” in high school when Brock would be giving it to the ladies.  I did my best work to “Freak Me” by Silk.  In fact, I’m going to reset that joint as Classic material.  I mean I put in work to that joint.  The break down at the end?  Sheeeeeeiiiiit.

I digress.

Look, when you mix this:

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With This:

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How can you go wrong?  That’s a whole lotta sexy.

Whole lotta ass too.

-Brock

Review: 50 Cent v. Kanye West

I had these albums two weeks ago just got my hands on my 50 Cent and Kanye West albums.

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Predictably Mr. Cent’s album has a decent song here and there, most notably “I Get Money” which I must say is hot.

I took Quarter Water and sold it bottles, for two bucks
Coca-Cola came and bought it for Billions, what the f*ck

Dude, you have to give it to 50… this cat came out of nowhere and showed far more range than anyone thought he had back in his “Get Rich or Die Trying” days.

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(gotta love how cats rock the iced out Jesus piece with a gun)

I mean, who among us thought this cat wouldn’t literally die trying, really, before he got rich. But dude has shown he’s a real bitniz man. Respek.

But with that said, there is a clear winner on the who had the best album. Again, no shockers here, Kanye’s blows 50’s joint out of the water.

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I know, I know, “Fiddy” claimed he’d retire if Ye sold more albums.

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You gotta love 50’s Republican level game aka “yall are stupid as hell” repeated made up beef to push units whenever he’s about to drop an album. Unfortunately, this time I think he’s ushered in the discussion that maybe he really should stop rapping, because this joint isn’t all that impressive.

I contrast, with Graduation, Kanye proves again that he’s a true artist with songs we knew, Stronger and Can’t Tell Me Nothing (even though this may be the worst video ever made) and even joints we didn’t like Champion, Flashing Lights, The Glory, and Homecoming to name a few and though I could do without Drunk and Hot Girls and Big Brother (a little too much dack riding for me, but to each his own), I still appreciate all of it.

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The thing about Kanye is that his soup to nuts control of every aspect of his musical production really gives you everything you want on the back end of that final product. You can listen to this stuff 50 times and it just keeps getting better. Sure, I had the pre-release, I’ll admit it, but I’ve got to go cop this joint TODAY out of respect alone.

HOT.

– Lake

Ciara Exposed: 50 Cent. You’re cool with me!

In the showdown of Fitty vs. Kanye West, with both albums coming out on September 11th, I was firmly in the Kanye camp.  He’s musically better, he’s lyrically better, and that cat reaaaaaaalllly cares about the music and what people think.  In fact, after getting burned on that terrible “Get Rich or Die Trying” album, I wasn’t going to buy the 50 Cent album at all.  Then I saw this:

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Ciara Half Butt Naked?  This is the best argument against digital download I’ve ever seen.  Now I want to give it a Fitty-Fitty chance of these pics being a body double.  If it is a double, that is some damn good work.  Those skrong arms and shoulders are definitely Ci-Ci.  (I know, I know…why you looking so hard Brock?  The girl is bad, what can I say?)  The legs and tail piece?  I can’t confirm.  There isn’t much out there of her straddling a cat out there on the net to compare it to.  Who cares?  It’s great.

The real question is…what the hell was Bow Wow thinking? 

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Well, I don’t know what he thinks about these pictures, but he’s got to be thinking that this outfit he was rocking in “Roll Bounce” wasn’t a good look…My word!

-Brock