Did I Miss National “Get a DUI” Day?

Because a gang of people picked them up this weekend. I thought 4/20 was national weed day, but a lot more people just stayed up on that drank. Reese Witherspoon and Al Michaels were among those who got popped for DUI last weekend. [Read more...]

WTF??? Who The HELL Is In Control At CNNMoney?

I don’t know who is responsible for this and I don’t know if I love them or I hate them. But CNN money did a feature on the new $100 bill and apparently they just went on the internet and typed in “song about money” without listening to it. Because I’m pretty sure “we bout to get it pimpin” has never been uttered on CNNMoney before this moment. Check it out. [Read more...]

Best of the Net, Worst of the Net

Every once in a while I find some stuff on the internet that makes it all worth it. When I saw my first “Harlem Shake” video, I had absolutely no desire to make one. That doesn’t mean I had to desire to stand there air humping when the beat dropped…I just didn’t want to put it on tape.

But I really want to do this one.

Check out the Japanese Energy Punch or Dragonball Z meme.

hadouken

 

That’s incredible. It’s so incredible that this thing that would normally the greatest new thing on the internet is just second best for now.

That would be the Vader Choke.

Vadering-meme-photo-42

If I can’t find 10 people to jump away from me like I just turned into a Super Saiyan, I’d settle for someone pretending to choke under my mental gaze.

But for every great thing on the internet, there must be something terrible. I think Steve Jobs said that.

I’m pretty sure the person who laminates the tags that say “NEW” at Walmart, might have gone overboard on this one.

Walmart Candles

Sure, people want to know why someone put this many “new” tags on these shelves. I mean, no one has been waiting for that hot new candle technology. They’ve pretty much worked the same since man invented fire. I mean sure, sone of these probably smells like lavender and fresh linen, but that doesn’t make it new. But I don’t want to know why these candles are all new, I want to know WHY THE HELL THERE ARE SO MANY CANDLES?!?!? Anything that dark and that stankin can’t be saved by candles.

Bonus:

This is pretty much what should happen every time someone decides to videotape something using an iPad.

Actually, it would have been better if the iPad was completely destroyed as an example to the rest of the idiots who think holding a giant screen in the air is an acceptable way to record anything. It’s not.

-Brock

 

 

Vladimir Putin Is Always Ready

Vladimir Putin is the President of Russia and every time we see him he’s doing something awesome. This is no exception. [Read more...]

The Internet Stays Random

In my travels through the internet I find things and download because I’m going to say something about them later. But sometimes it never comes together. But that doesn’t mean they should go to waste, I need to share them with the world. But the problem is some things can’t be explained. Like this: [Read more...]

Us Versus Them TV: What the Hell is Going On in the Bathroom?

It’s time for the launch of the first FULL episode of Us Versus Them on the Atomic Elbow YouTube Channel. Go get it. [Read more...]

Miley Cyrus Does The Most Interesting Thing She’s Done In a LONG Time

I actually don’t think I’ve ever written the words “Miley Cyrus” on this site in the 6 years I’ve been doing this. But when the most searched term of the weekend is “Miley Cyrus Twerking”, I had to take a look. If you haven’t seen the video, here it is. [Read more...]

St. Patrick’s Day

After the success of the “Can’t we all agree Valentine’s Day is B.S.“? post, I thought I had actually covered all of the ridiculous holidays, but this weekend I was reminded of the worst holiday of all.

St. Patrick’s Day.

Now I don’t have all of my Saints in order and memorized, but based on what I see, St. Patrick was the Saint of getting blazed out drunk? The Saint of wearing green? No wait, maybe he was the Saint of poverty because everyone ends up sleeping outside.

St. Patricks day week

Even better worse is the fact that this year St. Patrick’s day was on a Sunday. So the reasonable people decided to get fucked up drunk on Saturday. Those are the reasonable people. The people who wanted to keep it real said, “screw it, let’s go ahead and drink all day on a Sunday…I’ll usually get torn down drunk on a Wednesday, so at least on a Sunday I have the day off.”. But then the TRULY dedicated cranked up the bus on Saturday and kept it rolling until Sunday night. Longtime UvT reader and the sole remaining representative of the Code2Ave empire, JonnyD likes to roll with the “how long can I stay awake and keep drinking” contest anyway so I’m sure he had a great weekend.

Like this guy:

Boston-1

That’s the real beauty of St. Patrick’s Day. This dude woke up in the morning and threw on a fuzzy fat suit? He’s not a leprechaun, he’s not a clover, he’s the drunk, lost green Teletubby, Winky Drinky. And everyone thinks that is okay…when it is ABSOLUTELY NOT OKAY. Just like this isn’t okay.

green beer

This picture was taken at six o’clock in the morning and these dudes are already on fire. Who thought it was a good idea to start the tradition of drinking first thing in the morning? I don’t know about you, and maybe I don’t have my drinking all day game down right. But, if I’m going to drink all day I like to beer up at about lunch time and ride that train to Liquorville long about 4:30 that way I can turn up as the sun goes down and keep it rolling late. Being drunk at 10am is never a good thing. Although I have to say, the only times I’ve been drunk at 10 am is after waking back up from a great night, so that’s already getting me started off on the wrong foot. Drunk at 10am just means I want a nap.

green beer 2

Also, green beer means green puke. There’s nothing sexy about that at all. A day of green beer means you find that girl at the end of the night and ask her to leave the green wig ON. There’s no way to make it through that experience without having at least one Oompa Loompa moment.

I never even remember to wear green. In fact, I’m not sure I own anything green to wear at all. Do you remember when you were a kid and people would try to pinch you if you weren’t wearing green? I don’t remember when that ends as a “tradition” but I think it has to be about the time when you’re big enough to turn around and punch someone in the nose if they pinch you. Because I haven’t seen anyone try to pull that one in years.

In fact, the only way I even know it is St. Patrick’s Day is because people decide to drink in any pub that has a remotely Irish name.

black-rose6

You know you can get drinks at any bar, right? Sure, I’m sure these spots are more festive, but the food always sucks, you can’t get in, and you will probably get into a DUI in the parking lot. The police could pull over every single car coming out of O’Flana’Houlihan’s and lock up half of the white people in any given city.

I like the Us Versus Them holiday series. It’s a little hard to talk about the resurrection of Christ in a few weeks for Easter, but that bunny better watch his ass. He’s firmly in the crosshairs.

-Brock