Yo, what’s up peoples? I’m back, yes again and I’ve got some pretty basic observations:
Observation No. 1 – Jessica Biel still looks like a model, except she got a lil more ass…
Observation No. 2 – I hate when people kiss babies on the mouth.
Maybe it’s just me. But keep your diseased infested lips off a baby’s. Bad enough they had to be all up in the cooch, now you trying to finish the job the devil couldn’t do? Disgusting.
Observation No. 3 -I hate men on bikes.
I mean, seriously, is there anything in this world worse than a grown man on a bike?
Trust me when I tell you, the worst thing in this world is a grown ass man on a bike. I used to think it was just the two wheeled thug that got under my skin so much. And for those of you that live in Urban environments, you know the type. The cat that rolls up like he isn’t sitting on a child’s toy, leaning back, usually controlling the Schwinn with one hand because he’s just stylin’ like that.
(we won’t even touch the pimped out bike industry…I mean, for real? You can’t pimp your ride, so you spray gold paint on your bike? Very classy)
And then there is the standard gear. First, he’s usually wearing shorts. In the south, it’s just regular shorts, sagged-out with the standard flip flops and socks combo (which is still a look I personally embrace). In the north, it’s the ever so ahnt baggy shorts over the soiled work pants, as if these assholes ever work.
(and yes, that is CJ from San Andreas!!! lol)
And then he does it. The moment none of us can believe, but that still happens over and over and over again. This good for nothing, no job having (he’s on a BIKE), no account, bullshit mufucka who if he actually had a set of nizzuts, would probably populate the world with more 3 year olds than Antonio Cromartie….THIS cat has the audacity to eyeball me at the light as he wisely waits to see if I’m going to stop or pull a patented Lake rolling red move. Then once he sees that I do in fact break for losers, he slowly gains momentum, powers his wheels, and then dares to mean mug me as if to say, “I wish a nilla would” as he gingerly balances his bike a hither and tither across the street the the damn other side…
Haaaaaaaaaaaaa Jeez. Yo, you can’t mean mug on a bike. You just can’t. Meanwhile, this happens to me like every other week and I’m always sitting on 250 German horses while this jackass is sittin on two Popeyes fed chicken legs (not even with the red beans and rye). In that moment, I always just wish I had my current favorite Lil Wayne joint cued up so I could roll down the windows and blast that cat…. Yep:
“Always Strapped when I’m in the club, nillas give me dap, yatches give me hugs, BECAUSE I’M PAID, bikers MEAN MUGGIN’ ME (????), so I mean mug em back, Bikers mean muggin me!!!???? You know I’m allllllways skrapped!!!!!
Anyway, these cats just break all the rules, ie. looking at men in cars, ride a facking bike, try to look hard when you are dead broke and so I can’t respect them on any level. It’s all I can do to not run these f*ckers over.
But they aren’t alone. I hate the other grown men on bikes too, the so called “Cyclists”… ha I mean, first off, why do all these cats have to suddenly rock helmets like they’re 3 year olds pushing a big wheel? Where’s your pride man? You look ridiculous.
Next, I always hear about how bikers want to be respected on the road.
How they should have their own lanes. But here’s the thing, the next time I see a good for nothing dude on a bike that actually follows the rules of the road will be the first time. Usually, these clowns are riding on the highway, rolling down a one-way street the wrong way, flying through a red, jumping up on sidewalks, the whole 9. But don’t let a car come into their space, oh no, then you are “bullying them” or “hogging the road“, in an apparently violation of one of the inalienable rights Jefferson just so happened to forget to include in the Declaration of Independence. How many times have you seen this guy out there?
Mufucker, i’ve got somewhere to go. I’m too busy zipping by your simple ass to be worried about bullying you. I just want you gone or where you belong, on foot or in a grown man’s car. But yet, these d*ckheads want the respect of a vehicle when they’re holding me up, rolling around 25 MPH. F*ck that. Either you’re part of traffic or you’re not. And while you may not want to respect this post or my mean mug as I fly by you going 75, you will respect these laws of physics, best believe.
The only solace I take is in knowing that eventually all of you will fall off your bikes like some b*tches.
I know, I know cyclist dude, no pain, no gain. Short of your death, I’m very happy that you’re getting peddle marks on your domepiece, anything to keep you out of my space. And no, I won’t be taking part in “ride your bike to work day”…. Let me tell you, I don’t know a single legit cat that ever rode their bike to work. You hear the rumors about cats that ride the bike and take a shower. Hey, I aint got time for no games and I don’t have patience for a cat that is sweating, shaving or just looking like a clown in the office with the skin tight wet suit on.
You look ridiculous and don’t even get me started on all these weirdo “inventive” bike derivatives.
Seriously, there’s a debt crisis, Sandusky done gone H.A.M. and the Buffalo Bills can’t score a touchdown. Can’t yall cats devote your time and effort into worthy causes? Bikers suck.