Brock & Lake take on the world...
Long time readers of the site know that we have a strict “no porn” policy. I’m not going to watch it myself, and you shouldn’t either, but that isn’t going to stop me from reviewing it. Let’s see what I can gather from the pictures.
That’s Melissa King, the former Miss Delaware.
The first episode of Us Versus Them is up on YouTube. We’re rolling out some shorts first to get you warmed up. Check out my boys Giovanni and DJ as Gio tells this crazy Vegas sex story.
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Looks like the show is finally launching next week. We’re gonna start rolling out with some short little clips before we start dropping the Us Versus Them classics on you.
So to hold you over until Us Versus Them makes its debut. Check out some of the other stuff on our channel “Atomic Elbow”.
There is so much to choose from for the Man Up of the year. Andrew Bynum has rocked terrible hair for months and has yet to step on a basketball court. There was the dude who paid $780,000 for a girl’s virginity. Manny Pacquaio got knocked the fack out. In fact, let’s go back to that:
I never really noticed the way that left leg kicked up before. That punch ended that fight quickly, and damn near ended this post.
I’m also going to let you know that everyone who was considered for Man of the Year was also considered for Man Up of the Year. I couldn’t tell if some moves people made were the best moves ever or the worst moves ever. Sometimes you might be the best, manliest dude out there by going for the crazy shit. There were several close calls.
But there is only one dude who can win Man Up of the Year this year…he benefits from the late counting of votes from the captain of Team Us this year. To be fair, he perpetrated all relevant actions during calendar year 2012.
Man Up of the Year goes to Ronaiah Tuiasosopo. The dude who tricked Manti Te’o and became the voice of Lennay Kekua. The first part of the Man Up goes to the media on this one though. Because when they started to suspect that Ronaiah was the dude, they were telling us he looked like this:
But when he showed up on Dr. Phil, he looked like this:
I mean was this dude in an underground bunker with all those stockpiled Twinkies everyone went out and bought? No one knew the picture being used was from, what I’m hoping, was 5 or 6 years ago. This doesn’t even look like the same dude. There is nothing on this that looks like the same guy other than that tight line up he has on that fade. He might love Manti Te’o, but he also clearly loves snacks.
The weirdest part was he was able to authenticate himself as the girl’s voice. That big ass grown man was able to grab a flip phone and sound exactly like a 17 year old girl. Convincing as hell too.
Who does any of this? With all the things that have been said about this. Katie Couric. Dr. Phil. ESPN a billion times over. I still don’t know what happened and no one knows why. If anyone has the answer to that question, you will be the front runner for the next Man of the Year award.
I was going to go with Manti Te’o himself as the winner of the Man Up Award, but now that his fake girlfriend is actually alive and we know more about her, even I have to admit.
His fake dead girlfriend is pretty hot. If she was twitter hitting on me and there was a dude faking her voice and she got diagnosed with cancer and died on the same day as my grandma and that dude asked me to send him white roses from beyond the grave and I’m pretty sure that dude kept those dozen white roses and then tried to call me back and say he (or was it she) faked her own death to avoid drug dealers, she’s still a 1 on ye’ olde binary scale as far as I’m concerned.
I think I got lost in the matrix somewhere in there. She’s pretty hot is all I needed to say.
So the Man Up of the Year award goes to both the slim and big versions of Ronaiah Tuiasosopo. Congrats, you’re #TeamThem for life.
-Brock
It’s that time of the year. Actually, not really, I’m actually pretty late on this, but we are about to kick of the UvT Awards.
Here are the categories:
Man Up of the Year
Man of the Year
UvT Quality Chick of the Year
Commenter of the Year
Lake and I used to run blogger of the year when someone other than me actually dropped articles here, but that category is no longer necessary. I usually come into award season with something in mind, but this year it is a real toss up. There is no dominant UvT Quality Chick of the year. As a say that, Mr. Jezus shot me some truly inspiring pictures of Minka Kelly.
Is that enough to get her the win? I’m not going to lie, It might be. She’s definitely made herself a dark horse candidate. Hell, from that angle, she’s making an argument she might be the elusive White Unicorn we’ve been looking for.
Not only that, but Mr. Jezus just pushed some more votes into his corner for Commenter of the year with that excellent field research. Hold on, I’m gonna scroll back up for a sec.
Ok, I’m….hold on….for real this time I’m back.
I have a few candidates in mind for Man Up of the Year, but one of those candidates could easily be Man of the Year too. It could go either way. Being named the king of TeamUs for the year involved such a high level of I Don’t Give a Facktitude that it might push you into a decision that is completely unacceptable, or might make you the greatest dude ever. I don’t even know until I really weigh all the factors.
So we will roll out the awards over the next week or so. I’m gonna keep updating anything interesting that happens this week. But between the Lance Armstrong confession and Manti Te’o's fake girlfriend, I’m pretty shell shocked. Kobe Bryant is going to have to come out as Tiger Woods’ 18th side chick for me to react to anything at all. I have a feeling I know the disguise Kobe wore to the hotel though.
Nope. That joke and these pictures are NEVER gonna get old to me. Never, eva, eva.
-Brock
Just a quick update about the end of the year/beginning of the next year.
We are definitely running the UvT Awards this year with all the traditional categories.
UvT Man of the Year
UvT Woman of the Year
Commenter of the Year
Man Up of the Year
Maybe a few new categories too, if anyone has suggestions.
Unless something happens that I just HAVE to talk about, there probably will not be any new posts going up until the second week of January. I’ll probably run back some classic posts and top posts from this year instead.
Congrats to KCtheTruth for winning the UvT Fantasy Football League two years in a row, now I owe the dude TWO completely fictional UvTees.
Finally, the show is finally scheduled and should be launching in February, for real. We’re done editing, its funny as hell, and we have a GANG of content to throw at you in 2013.
Thanks to all the long time members of Team Us who keep reading every new post, thanks to the people who just show up once, and special thanks to the people who take the time to comment. I appreciate it all. I don’t have to do this, and God knows you don’t have to come read it, but you have all helped me reach a lot of my goals and do things I didn’t think were possible. Looking to land a BIG fish next year and I’ll tell you all about it as soon as I do. Until then, I’ll just keep on doing what I’m doing and I hope you continue to enjoy.
-Brock
Full post going up later today. I think I’m gonna break down the holidays this year, twelve days of Christmas style. It sounds like a great idea right now, but I haven’t planned a damn thing, so here’s to hoping we get a whole 12 days. We’re gonna talk about a White Christmas, Egg Nog, The Elf on a Shelf, Christmas Lists, Classic Holiday movies, that crazy “most popular toy” rush, all of that. Starting tomorrow.
Long time readers also know it is time for the UvT End of Year awards. As always all of those categories will be hotly contested. I might have to add a new category or two this year.
Also, I know I’ve been teasing the show for a long time, but I just looked at a bunch of the cuts and it is hilarious. We hit all the big topics. Hopefully I’ll be able to share more details soon, but it is still coming and we’re getting closer.
Check back later today for a new update.
-Brock
