Unexpected Arse: Rachel McAdams

Rachel McAdams is an actress that was in Mean Girls, the Notebook, Wedding Crashers, and Sherlock Holmes.  So when I got two emails on her in one week I had to go look her up to find out what the big deal is.

When I saw her, I definitely said “oh yeah, I know who that is”, but I still wasn’t seeing anything phenomenal.  Don’t get me wrong.  She’s good looking and an obvious 1, but I was getting hit like she did something phenomenal this week.  So before I went to the goods I had to do my background work.

Ok.  It isn’t for her J game although I really like this look.  Nice legs too.  Angle 2?

Yeah, not really although those shorts are definitely gripping up on something.  So what was everyone sending me?

Oh damn. It is an unexpected arse special.  Between the heels and the underwear, she is bringing the thickness.  She sticks the landing with the leg lift and cheek squeeze.  There is even a little subliminal shake on the right.  I think my man was about to go in and grab that ass with the left and he remembered he was just acting and he needed to slow it down.  How do I know it is her?  I don’t, but I believe in the internets and I got it from multiple sources so it must be true, right?  How long are you going to look at that picture load over and over again.  60 times?  100?  It took me 45 minutes to write this, I was distracted.  This is another argument for keeping the White Girl Tail Scale at a perfect 9.

-Brock

Shout to Trane and Lucky Lefty for the tip.

Team Us Comes Through in the Clutch

I don’t like to talk about how great it is to be the spiritual leader of Team Us, but dammit sometimes you surprise me and bring a tear to my eye.  A few weeks ago I hit you with a few pics I found on the internet and we found this chick.

This is pretty much as good as bathroom cellphone pics get.  But then there was some controversy about whether or not this was photoshopped.  We were talking about lopsided light switches, conspiracy theories, grassy knolls, and she was declared a fake.  But then one of the members of Team Us “Ain’t No Thang” hit me with a hell of a piece of investigative reporting.  I don’t know what Google search pulls up PAWG pics of this particular chick without a name, but dammit if he didn’t do it.  She’s back and apparently a professional bathroom mirror underwear model.

I guess she was doing a little cleaning up and thought her as was in prime form and wanted to share it with the world.  I can’t say I disagree.  I’m always a little wary when someone goes to such an unnatural pose that maximizes her waist to tail ratio, but I’m willing to do a little more research.

Same bathroom, different angle and I haven’t checked for photoshop artifacts because if that ass is wrong I don’t want to be right.  Her waist really does appear to be that small, and that tail appears to be authentic.  I just appreciate the fact that she’s willing to share her gifts with the world.

Is it wrong that this is the first time I’ve noticed she’s got a J game?  Once again, I don’t want to assume this is the one angle that works for her.  But the fact that the bottom half of her body is giving me an angle 2.5 while the top half of her body is at 1.8 calls it all into question.  But Ain’t No Thang wasn’t done.  He wanted to make sure he didn’t leave Team Us without the money shot.

I know, I know.  Brock, how do you know that is her?  No face, no light switch, no cabinets in the background, what is the proper assthentication process for verifying that tail piece.  I can’t.  I’m going to let someone else tell me that the doorknob was sourced in the Fluffy Tail region of the Lower Assiatic where there is a tribe of blondes of Africanic heritage who are all issued iPhones on their 16th birthday as part of their womanhood ceremony.  All I know is I like what I see, Team Us is the best ever, and I had to share this with the people.

While you are all at it, please find me the Hoopz sex tape, some vintage Christina Milian nude pics, the chick in this post, and some updates on Amanda Cicchini.

That would be great.

-Brock

Natalia Paris Gives New Meaning to the Term “Bear Hug”

Meet Natalia Paris.

She’s got a little bit of everything going there, but I know what you’re thinking.  Brock, blonde hair, big J’s, that isn’t usually what you run here on Us Versus Them.  True enough, but Ms. Paris (no Hilton) dropped a SFW sex taps last week that made me take notice.  Look, I’m not into Furries or any kind of kinky toy porn, but check this.

natalia-paris-teddy-bear-love
Uploaded by EgotasticMedia. – Get intimate with more sexy videos.

Look, I don’t care about the bear. The Kim Kardashian sex tape taught me to ignore the other person in the shot a long time ago.  All I know is Natalia here knows how to put in work and is ready for action.  And you know your boy Brock had to pull some screen shots.

Standard issue position, but this is the first moment I checked the tail game on ol Natalia here.  We know she has the J’s from the first picture, but she’s also working with something out there.

She’s really catching her Grizzly on this one.  Ha, that’s terrible.  I just ran this shot because she is about to rotate around for the angle 2.

Bang.  Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner.  Natalia just added herself to the UvT watch list with that one.  I know she has the arse clinched, but you can’t fake perfectly round.  Of course, there is also this:

I don’t care if that is a giant teddy bear.  Any chick willing to show the world she is down for a wraparound, side mount, ass in the air mic check is always going to be Team Us.  Well done Natalia Paris, well done.

-Brock





Us Versus Them Made Easy

This UvT thing has gotten so deep I forget how easy it is supposed to be.  Us.  Versus.  Them.  Easy concept, so we are taking it back to its roots.  Big ass pictures to let you know how to tell Team Us from Team Them.  So here we go.  I’m giving you a two-fer on the first one.  Us Versus Them and our worldview on the Fail Tail.

We’ve got a few more of these rolling this week then we’re gonna start taking suggestions.

-Brock

Kim Kardashian Has a Dan Patrick Booty

I keep coming up with new names for Kim Kardashian’s arse.  Last week it was the Halley’s comet booty.  A once in a lifetime phenomenon.  Kim, we need one more look at angle 2.

Today, I got about 20 messages, tweets and emails this morning sending me to this shot.  The Dan Patrick Booty, you can’t stop it you can only hope to contain it.

I don’t know what is crazier.  That tail piece, or the fact that people who know and like me send me emails with ass first thing in the morning.  Gotta love Team Us.

-Brock

Jersey Shore is Coming Back – JWOWW’s Belly Button is not

If you aren’t aware of Jersey Shore, and you need to get a little primer, understand that you can catch up completely if you just use JWOWW as a metaphor for the entire show.

It attracts your attention, it is a little trashy, kinda fake, but you are going to keep coming back for more.  In preparation for season 2 of Jersey Shore which is inexplicably shot in Miami, JWOWW got her own Maxim shoot.  (By the way, this is why I stopped even looking at Maxim Magazine like 4 years ago.  They’ve clearly taken pictures of every woman on the planet in a bikini if they are going with JWOWW.)

In the first pic, JWOWW is waiting for her moment.

She wants to make sure the boys don’t look before she gets photochopped up.  Now she’s ready.

Either JWOWW is an alien, or some retoucher got a little loose with the airbrushing.  Where is her belly button?  Where was it supposed to be?  Is that mole looking thing supposed to be it?  Is she really from this planet or is she literally a blow up doll?

Let’s try that again.

I’ve heard of an inny, I’ve heard of an outie, but someone this chick landed a smoothie.  It is like the magazine already went to print and they made some intern go back with a pen to just drop a mark where he thought the belly button should go.

By the way, the rope is just there for a prop, JWOWW is like Aquawoman, she has the magic ability to float in water with the chest bobbing at the surface for days on end.

Even Lindsay Lohan’s incredibly high photoshopped belly button thinks JWOWW looks weird.

I guess the guys in retouching have never been with a woman because that dude was just guessing.  Freaky.

-Brock

Kim Kardashian Never Ceases to Amaze

I don’t know when Kim Kardashian made her deal with the devil, or how she is able to rise to a new peak of sexy every 4-5 months but she does it somehow.  I’m not going to question my own eyes.  This is not a studio pic.  This is a woman walking into a wedding over the weekend.

The first thing Kim wants to do is remind us that she’s not all booty.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…she has a highly underrated J game.

But let’s get to the main event.

See how I crossed you up and hit you with that angle 3 first?  In 2011, I’m going to launch Us Versus Them in 3D so you can see the way this tail is coming out of the screen at you right now.  You would be ducking and dodging at your screen right now trying to make sure you didn’t break your nose on that ass.

Maaaaaan, Kim really is half reindeer.  This isn’t a full on Angle 2.  That ass to thigh transition is killing the whole game right now.  I know, I know, she has ass implants.  Well if it is true, the technology is progressing at a rate previously unseen on our planet.  Booty implant technology just went from the wheel to the airplane to the space shuttle in the span of two years.  Arthur Clarke has three laws of prediction.  The third is:

  1. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

If that is some sort of technology, I’m going to go on believing it is magic until I’m proven wrong.

Interns…The time is now.  Please reveal Angle 2 to the people.

See, even Kim knows what angle she’s giving to the people.  And yes, there is only one thought going through that dude’s head “I’m working…don’t get caught looking at the ass, don’t get caught looking at the ass, stay focused, eyes on the horizon.  He must have seen Applewhite get caught looking at Jessica Simpson back in the day, because he is keeping his game tight.

The hook on that tail is becoming more ridiculous every day.  I hereby dub it the “Halley’s Comet Booty”, she’s been blessed with a once in a lifetime event.  The dress is tight as hell and just buckles into submission in the small of her back.  That is the second time in two weeks we’ve seen this phenomenon.

Kim needs to get her dresses custom made to deal with this unique problem.  Until then we can all sit back and enjoy.

-Brock

Kim Kardashian Got That Ass Waxed!

UvT favorite Kim Kardashian got a wax figure at Madame Tussauds last week while I was out of commission.  Let’s take a look.

That is actually pretty terrible.  Doesn’t really look like her to me.  The face must be from 2008, the J’s are high and tight, the arms are the photoshopped version.  But you know what Brock needs to see if they got right…

Awwwwwwww.  They missed on the booty piece?  Kim’s ass is popped and bubbled up in the background, and they hit her with the average booty in the front.  Could they not believe their eyes when they saw Kim’s tail piece tucked on both the top and the bottom?  Did they think, “we’ve just got to smooth this out because it can’t possibly be right”?  Are they going to go back and tweak that ass to better reflect reality?  If I was Kim Kardashian I’d never leave the house I’d be upset with the model.  You gotta get the ass right.  But how are you not gonna get the ass and not get the face?  That is heresy.

It just isn’t right.

-Brock

——————–UPDATE———————

Damn.  I was just flipping through my favorite blogs are realized H8torade used this exact same headline last week.  Instead of changing mine, I’m just gonna drop some respect to the homey for having the same twisted mind I do.