General David Petraeus stepped down this week after it was discovered that he was having an affair with his biographer Paula Broadwell. Cheating on your wife is never right, we’ve covered that ground before, but I really don’t believe every persone needs to lose their job because of something that happens in their private life. It’s already going to mess up his family and I’m sure he feels terrible already, but now he’s lost his job too…and he was actually doing a good job.
The woman is Paula Broadwell and she’s also the author of his biography.
The announcement itself is pretty crazy, but the automatic punchline is the name of the book itself. I haven’t read the book, so I can’t imagine why a military biography is called “All In”, but that title is a perfect one for an affair.
I like the subtitle too, “The education of General David Petraeus”, education indeed. So in honor of “All In” I thought we could review the top ten alternate book titles.
10: CIA and Secrets: An Undercover Expose
9. Young Guns
8. Officer Ain’t A Gentleman
7. Four Star General: The Best There Is
6. Head of the Military
5. CIA: Consumed In Ass
4. Extreme Military Pressure
3. Mission Accomplished: Story of a Side Chick
2. The Rise of General Petraeus
1. The Surge
The worst part about this whole story is that it was exposed by the classic problem with all affairs. A crazy chick.
Oh I know, she might not look crazy, but she’s crazy. Paula Broadwell ain’t got it all together too. Apparently this whole thing was blown open when Paula Broadwell started sending crazy ass anonymous messages to Jell Kelley to stay away from her man. But wait, General Petraeus is NOT her man, he’s her side man. What does Jill Kelley do? She calls the FACKIN FBI! Who the hell does that? Crazy girls, that’s who. Once she realized she was about to rip down the entire Central Intelligence Agency she tried to do takesies backsies, but it was a little too late. Uh oh. Crazy Chick.
Jill Kelley also:
1. Claimed she was an Honorary Consul General (She’s not)
2. Claimed she should have Inviolability (big word…means nothing)
3. Tried to negotiate a deal for a 4 billion dollar defense contract where she would get a commission of $80 Million. (She might be crazy, but not afraid to swing for the fences. $80 Million though? THAT’S CRAZY)
All of this boils down to everyone remembering Side Chick Rule #2: Your side chick does not give a damn about your primary relationship. Let this be a lesson to everyone considering a side chick relationship. Even if you are the director of the CIA who has set up fake email addresses to communicate, kept everything tight, have a perfectly reasonable reason to spend time with her, she may have her own family and something to lose, but she will still potentially send crazy ass messages to a chick you aren’t even having sex with, call the FBI, and blow up your entire situation. Damn homey.
Not everyone has a job you will lose because of your inability to keep your dack in your pants, but here is evidence that if the entire security wing of the Government, it can certainly completely screw up your situation.