Every once in a while I’ll see someone spend money on some crazy things. Remember Marc Ecko buying the Barry Bonds record setting 756th home run ball just so he could put an asterisk on it?
He paid $752,000 for that ball. I guess that’s cool. He’s always going to be a part of the story and baseball history for that one. I hope he never runs into Barry Bonds in a dark alley though.
This one is even better though. A filmmaker ran an auction that sold off the virginity of Brazilian Catarina Migliorini for a little over $750,000. What do you even base this valuation on? There are a bunch of factors that can come to bear here. Who it the girl? I mean one night with one of the baddest chicks on the planet? Arguable, but still a long shot at $750,000. Is it impossible for you to have sex? Yeah, that number could run up pretty quickly. Is there extra weight because you get to be someone’s first? Sure, but high school guys are kicking that door in every single day. I’m not sure the rarity of those categories can get the price up this high. Let’s meet Catarina.
Our boy Jack clearly got outbid, and I’m going to assume Jack Miller is not his real name. Which brings up the point, if you’re going to go with the fake name, just go ahead and call yourself “Jack MeHoff” Right? How many chances are you gonna get to do that. We need another shot of Catarina.
Look, don’t get me wrong, she’s a 1 on the binary scale all day long. She’s sporting the classic “ASFYCSIFTF” of the Brazilian people. But three quarters of a million? That seems a little steep, especially when you consider the ground rules. The man named only “Natsu” has to take care of the act on a private plane to avoid prostitution laws (don’t understand how the air is lawless, but ok…), sex toys are not allowed (I’m gonna call that an easy rule because you best believe that if I spent $750,000 dollars, we’re gonna use MY equipment. The third is that he must use a condom.
Now I’m all for safe sex, but if you are going to pay $750K, you can at least go raw dog. This sounds like an awful lot of money for what sounds like the worst sex ever. I’ve never been, but I’ve got it on good authority that in Brazil, for about $300 (I’m gonna call that a bargain) you can get a room full of chicks to do whatever you want. All night. The virgin part is going to be pretty questionable, but if you think about it 2 outta 3 ain’t bad.
Sex is great. But a little charisma and effort can get you to the goal line a lot easier than it is to earn $750,000. Look, unless Natsu is a super hero who can only maintain his powers through sex with virgins and he’s trying to rescue people from Hurricane Sandy and he’s actually sacrificing so he can power up and save the entire eastern seaboard, this doesn’t make a lot of sense to be. Case in point, the dude who was in the same auction went for about $3,500. That seems like an appropriate going rate to me. Let’s call it 10 to 15K if you really want to stretch it. Maybe I’m missing something? Catarina?
Nope, I’ve covered this from every angle and I’m pretty sure he over paid.
Wait BREAKING NEWS! While he was supposed to stay anonymous, we’ve got exclusive footage of the guy. He’s the one in the hat and he’s already been practicing.
I’m not sure the $750,000 is going to be worth it to Catarina. She’s might not make the whole plane ride with that dude.
Dear Natsu and anyone willing to pay $750,000 for sex. Man Up! Hit the streets and step your game up. It’s sad, just sad.