Real World Brooklyn Son!

Now this Real World Brooklyn has been turrible.  It was really confirmed when I saw this photo of the cast and didn’t know if the cat in the middle was a tranny, or Devyn. 

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Honestly, if homey wasn’t so tall, I would have just thought it was a cast photo.  Even then, I’m not so sure.  I guess the J’s aren’t big enough…awwwww…I’ve already looked for too long. I can’t take it.  Honestly, this is the worst cast ever.  Usually you can get sucked in by a cute chick or two.  Some in house romance.  Or some real drama.  The drama so far has been the fact that the guys are really clean.  None of these fools have jobs.  And the fact that most of them are homosexual.  Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I think MTV overdid it and missed out on the potential for cross roomate lovin.  How did this cast get put together?

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I mean there isn’t even any opportunity here.  Only one gay dude, although I guess technically KateLynn is also a gay dude, although she is a post op transexual.  Devyn is engaged.  One gay chick…who I guess could also be interested in KateLynn if she was into chicks that used to be dudes.  One bodybuilding dude that seems to be more into himself than anything else.  A dancer who can’t really dance.  The virgin dude who has gay tendencies and is pulling the classic “virgin who really wants to manage other people’s relationships” card.  And the ex-armed forces dude who is really into the girl who stuck with him while he was in Iraq.  I mean these guys aren’t even using the camera to pull sketchy groupies.  They lure people back to their house to try to be cool with bands and play them the music they wrote.  WTF?  My man the virgin ain’t never gonna get none running game like that.

The bodybuilder/model cat would probably have the best shot out in those streets, but he goes to photo shoots, layers on the guyliner, or manscara or whatever they call it, and shoots pics like these.

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Lake respects the mans fur coat game though…ha!

I thought ol girl Devyn had potential.  She rolled up in with the big J’s.  Ran some smack about how no one was going to be able to hit it, then immediately wanted to holler at Scott.  Then we find out that Devyn had a fiance and a side man that she just talks on the phone with all day. 

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Terrible dude.  Those J’s are right though.

Final Question…

When they go to the Real World/Road Rules Challenge, Inferno 12…Is KateLynn on the dudes team or the girls team?  If she’s a girl is that really an advantage for them?

I’m sure we will see, we will see.

-Brock

Celebrity Apprentice confirms Dennis Rodman’s Gayness

Honestly, I haven’t thought about Dennis Rodman in years.

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Well actually, I actively tried to put this clown out of my memory banks once he started wigging out with all those tats, the wild colored hair and general foolishness (note that now EVERYBODY is tatt’d down and has wild multi colored hair, hmmm).  But then Lil Wayne brought it all together with that line in “A Milli“:

“On some f*ggot bullshit, call it Dennis Rodman”

Which got me thinking…what ever happened to that fool?

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And then just as I had cleansed my memory bank of the cat, thanks to the lady’s tv interests, I peeped him on Celebrity Apprentice last night.

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“Oh sheeeeit,” I thought.  I know this cat is on some ole weirded out shit, but what’s going to come of this?  First off, you can barely hear anything dude is saying, 1. because he’s damn near inaudible with all that wild mumbling and 2. because dude is constantly dropping F bombs like it aint network television so it’s impossible to hear when he’s not cursing.

Anyway, as you might imagine, what I could glean from his mumble and F bomb infested rhetoric was worse than hearing nothing at all.  When asked what he thought their team should develop as a cartoon character for Zappos.com, homey offered a Transvestite Superhero!

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YES!  Because according to Dennis, “gay men, dressing as woman is what’s hot right now”…

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Damn.  What happened to the worm?  And I know I sound like a broken record with all the Rule 1 violations, but it’s really not me.  Everybody is just breaking the rules.  Jeez.  Anyway, I hate to admit it, but this Celebrity Apprentice is a decent show.  It’s officially moved up the depth chart on my tivo.  Check it out sans young Dennis and his ideas about what’s “in” (no homo) ahnt.

- Lake

TO has a VH1 Reality Show!

WOW!  Is there anything you can think of that’s better than a Reality Show starring Terrell Owens?  I mean, I saw him on Hard Knocks last season and I couldn’t get enough.  I guess VH1 got a little taste of that star power and signed my man up.  It makes perfect sense because let’s face it, homey is just wacky.  There’s happy TO:

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Charming TO:

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Hilarious TO:

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Sad TO:

TO crying like a bitch

Gay TO:

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Ice Grill TO:

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Maybe He’s Not Gay TO:

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Nah, he’s Gay TO:

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OK, maybe he’s just bi TO:

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And, I’m being told by my sources that Terrell will bring his former “publicist” Kim Etheridge into the mix as well.

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Ha Awesome.  That’s all we need.  This is the chick who did everything in her power to f*ck up his name publicly on that “Terrell has $25 Million reasons to be alive” joint.

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Ha, and it looks like her best days are behind her too.  Maybe that’s why TO fired her candy ass.   Now we all know that she was really TO’s personal cougar.   I guess he needed to figure out a way to trick cash without feeling like he was getting completely taken until she started to get out of pocket with his bitniz.  I know, I know, it aint tricking if you got it.  We all agree on that.  Can’t wait for this show.

- Lake

Now I Remember Why I Watch American Idol: Hot Chicks With a Shady Past

I almost forgot that every season of American Idol comes with a subplot.  Prior arrests, previous singing career, and my favorite, the old “modeling” pictures.  My favorite is still Ms. Antonella Barba.

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Not only does she look good standing in a fountain.  We also found out that American Idol wasn’t the first time that she rocked the mic.

This time around, out first candidate is Casey Carlson.

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Cute girl.  Sure she seems like she can sing now, but I guaran-damn-tee she’s going to sound like hell come mid-February.  Well this isn’t her first attempt at fame.

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She’s on Campus Girls USA, where regular girls come to become swimsuit models. Sounds like a respectable outfit.  They probably don’t even have an angle 2.

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Nah, they got angle 2 covered with a full twist.  That background looks about as real as that picture of Lake on the cover of Sports Illustrated that he keeps in his office.  Surely they don’t come with angle 3.

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Wrong again.  I’m thinking there is a topless angle 4 floating out there somewhere.   I’m sure the internets will turn up something interesting before long.  I’m sure she took some artistic photos like Audrina Partridge did back in the day.  Well I’m glad she finally got her big break on Idol.  No telling where she would have turned next.

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In case you forgot Shyamali Malakar can still get it.

-Brock

The United Kingdom: Where D List Actors Go To Be Exploited

You know that Lake and I love to waste our time on some good quality shitty Reality TV.  Survivor, Idol, Bachelor, Flavor of Love, Shot at Love, Real Chance of Love, and one of our favorites…Big Brother.  Now Big Brother here in Amurica throws a bunch of random aspiring actors real people in a house that occasionally forget that there are cameras all over the place as they get their freak on.

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In the UK they kick it up a notch and they have Celebrity Big Brother.  Apparently, “celebrity” means something completely different in Great Britain because this show features Coolio, LaToya Jackson and Mini Me.  What’s Coolio doing these days?

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He’s keeping himself busy rocking a du-rag with his helmet.  He’s come a long, long way from Gangsta’s Paradise.  Ain’t nothing gangsta there.  I know, I know…Brock, that doesn’t seem like exploitation, he’s probably in it to win money, it’s all good, right.  Yeah, I’m not talking about him.  I’m talking about this.

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That Ain’t Right.  I mean the little bear costume is fucked up enough.  That bowl of honey is just gratuitous.

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Damn, Verne doesn’t even know where he is anymore.  Who is this guy’s manager?  First, he lets ol girl exploit the little man, now this.  Someone save this guy.

-Brock

——————UPDATE———————

I don’t know why I’m still looking at these pictures, but the more I look at them, the worse the get.  First of all why does Verne need that plaid bib in the top picture?  Second, why is he still rocking said bib in the bottom pic once he is done eating?  And is that a stool in the footwell of his scooter?  That’s just messed up, he needs an extra step to get into his Rascal?  Somebody pimp this dude a Segway or something.  I haven’t seen him smile since he cashed his first check from the original Austin Powers movie in the 90′s.

A New & Improved Paula is On American Idol

I tuned into American Idol last night for my standard yearly “hear the sad suckers try to sing” exercise.

No joke, my dog literally started barking in no particular direction when some fool tried to hook up some completely off key Bon Jovi.

At any rate, what I discovered is pretty much the same thing the American Idol producers already knew:  That Paula Abdul is extremely long in the tooth and probably needs to be replaced.

So what do you do?  Get yourself a new and improved Paula to “help” judge the show. Meet Kara DioGuardi:

She’s young(er).

Pretty and hits hard and Paula don’t want no parts of her.

I like it.  She did hate on that bikini babe though.  Haa  Cougars, just let it go.  You cannot compete with the new model young babe they come out with erry year.  Just let it go.  Thx.

- Lake

Oh Hells No: Real Housewives of ATL adds Usher’s Ball n Chain

Wow, this can’t be serious.  First American Idol adds another Paula, now this:

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…  Yo, this show was already crazy as hell, but it just got waaaaay more interesting.  I’m sure Ms. Usher will loooooove Kim.

Oh yeah, gonna love her for sure.   I can’t wait for NeNe v. Tameka parts 1-12.  And Shere’..haa  oh man, this is just what I needed, more can’t miss trash tv.

Evil genius from the television execs, but genius nonetheless.

- Lake

Another Show, Another Tranny: Real World Brooklyn

The Real World has to be the most played out show in TV history.

I remember when the sh*t was cutting edge and completely dope.  You know, back when the roommate were somewhat substantive, talented, educated…something.

So how does a show go from the freshest and more innovative concept on tv, to a feeder system for next year’s Gauntlet/Inferno?

Right, I don’t know either.  They went into that phase where all the roommates were drunk, sexy and ready to hit…which was fine with me.  But now it’s like every episode is a bullsh*t version of that show Intervention.  I mean, I just don’t get it.  What are these people about?

They don’t look good, we’ve seen every disorder, phobia and neurosis known to man and everybody is out of character.  Like the sexy chicks?  They aren’t really that sexy.

The nice guy that everyone is suppose to like, he’s really just a dick.

And everybody else who is left is just gay.  LITERALLY!!!!!

Exactly, I could barely handle it myself.  Jeez.  Anyway, to show how innovative and relevant they are, MTV went ahead and packed up the show with gay cats and get this…A TRANNY….riiiight, as if Viacom hasn’t tried that one before!!!!

But not just any tranny.

You have to get that “chick” that 1.  Is ugly as hell,

2. has the audacity to believe that people can’t tell she’s trannied out (helloooo, we’ve all seen Taxi Cab confessions you clown)

and 3. most importantly, you have to ensure that “Katelynn” insists on rocking short shorts and tight tops all over the house.  I mean, it’s just fucking terrible dude.

Where do these people get off?  And then he/she starts up with all that talk about the 5-somes he/she has done

I mean, come on now.  Haaaa  It’s the first day and you’re trying to hide that you’re a dude who just got his junk chopped off, so you come with a 5-some blast?  Let me just tell the people something.  If you ever do a 5-some as a man, chances are that…wait for it:

I mean, I can see a 3-some.  And while I always honor the one dack in a room rule, I can even see two cats banging out two chicks and then going for that oh so lo switch up.. I mean, it’s not me, but I can see it. BUT FIVE?

Yeah, that will make people think you’re totally normal.  The fact that you’re a dude doesn’t shock anyone.  You know who shocked cats on the Real Word?  That homo thugger friend, Karamo.

I mean, I think even he was shocked that he was gay on that show.  Yikes.  Yes indeedy, it’s officially time to take the Real World and it’s producers/casting people, out back so we can all just end it.

- Lake

—————-UPDATE—————–

Let’s not forget the quote of the episode:

“You’ve got a better chance of getting into Heaven than getting into Devyn”.  Nice, demure you lady, right?

AHNT.

Ol girl has the J’s out all day.  Her weave game is pumping too.  Oh, and the first episode she’s talking about how she wants to get with the bodybuilder dude.  Sounds like the bar for admission into heaven just got lowered.

-Brock