I have to imagine that every long time reader of Us Versus Them knew exactly which post would be headlining Wednesday when you heard that Kim Kardashian was filing for divorce. This is about the only way a tail as epic as Kim Kardashian’s could fail.
You make a commitment that is supposed to last for the rest of your life and you quit after 72 days? What the hell did they talk about before the wedding? What made her think her relationship might be forever then change her mind so quickly?
How do you go from true love and throwing a $10 million wedding to calling the whole thing off that quickly? If Kim Kardashian owed me money, I’d have my eye on her. Hell, I wouldn’t let her watch my laptop at Starbucks while I went to the bathroom. She might just say the hell with it and leave my stuff out there. LeBron James in the fourth quarter thinks she should have been more focused. Sarah Palin resigning as Governor of Alaska thinks Kim could have stuck it out. Bernie Madoff thinks Kim might have her personal principles in the wrong place.
I knew this was coming though. I thought young Kris Humphries might have been in a little over his head when I heard about a week after the wedding that he didn’t know Kim had been married before. That is usually something that comes out during that “getting to know you” phase of engagement. I’ve just got my fingers crossed that he was familiar with the fact that there might be a video out there with Ray J...and she wasn’t singing a duet. Fine, she kinda was. Hell, Actually, I’m mad at him if he did review the tape. As a professional athlete, he should be an expert a breaking down game tape. He should have known he was getting a Sebastian Telfair type player. Looks like he’s built for the game, but possessing questionable skills on the next level.
Also, it is never a good idea to let a woman buy herself her own engagement ring.
There are certain things that as a man, you just have to do. Find the answer to the question, “what was that noise?”. Step up in a fight when someone disrespects your lady. And when it is time to get married, you get the ring. Forget who wears the pants, Kim took this dudes balls from the jump. Here’s the question I asked on Twitter the other day. (You already follow right? If you don’t go ahead and click here to catch up with the rest of Team Us.) If Kim bought herself her own ring, does she give the ring back to herself now that she got a divorce. Or does she put it away to let the next dude give it to her?
The funny thing is that this is the first day of what was supposed to be the NBA season. I consider Kris Humphries the first casualty of the lost NBA season. Look, the dude is a 5 points, 5 rebounds guy. He’s not exactly pulling in that Kobe money. Kris made good money last year, a little over 3 million (side note: 5 and 5 dudes who get paid a guaranteed 3 million stacks a year are the problem with the NBA). $3 million is a lot of money until you start to live like you make $20 million and your money comes to a full stop.
You best believe that Kim pulled up with joint account when Kris’ checks didn’t start showing up and was like…”baby…why do we have $85,000 in the account? Where is the rest of it? Wait, that’s all of it? Can you bring me the folder from my room. Yeah. It’s right there in my top drawer. Just bring it here and we’ll go through it together.”
See, David Stern? The lockout is ruining families. Kim Kardashian thought she was a star maker and when she got 2 months in and realized that Kris still has about 0.0% name recognition she dropped his ass to the waiver wire like she was about to miss a league trade deadline.
Here’s the final point. Another way we should have seen it coming. Let’s play a little game of “one of these kids is not like the others” with Kimmy K’s exes.
Hmmmmm. Which one looks like Kim might be able to take him in a fist fight? Look, I’m not saying Kim Kardashian has a “type” but if the next dude she dates isn’t a brown skinned brother with a perfectly round head he might want to assume it might not be long term.
The worst part? Now Lamar Odom isn’t his brother in law, he’s the competition on the basketball court. You know pro athletes will use any edge to get the win. In fact, I have a video from when Lamar Odom told his boys on the Lakers that Kim told the family all the dirty details about why the relationship wouldn’t work:
Haaaaaa. It wasn’t pretty.
Kim K is back on the market. Here’s to hoping she recovers from the emotional roller coaster by hitting the gym and going on a worldwide “don’t forget I have the most banging body in the entire U.S. of A publicity tour.”