The Adidas Shackle Shoes Are NOT Racist…Turrible, but not Racist

The new controversy on the streets are the new Adidas JS Roundhouse Mids, aka the “handcuff” kicks.

 

They started some real problems though because everyone jumped on them and said they were racist because they had built in shackles. I say had because Adidas got so blown up that they aren’t making them anymore. I’m pretty sure that is purple suede, so that makes the cancellation unfortunate. Adidas says they didn’t know the shoes implied slavery…I’m pretty sure that was a lie since they nicknamed them the “Handcuff” shoes and these cuffs are around their ankles. By not calling them the “shackle”, the proper term for ankle chains, they were clearly avoiding something.

Predictably, Jesse Jackson was right on it.

Calling them “offensive, appalling and insensitive”. Is it even possible for Jesse to say anything else? What if Jesse showed up at CNN and just said…”Yeah, I like em”. Then Jason Whitlock pulls a classic Jason Whitlock and takes a situation he thinks is racist and double thinks himself into an even more racist position. His claim is that the shackle shoes aren’t about slavery. So far so good. He goes on to say Adidas is still wrong and is taking advantage of sneaker culture and prison culture. Which is essentially saying black people love sneakers and black people are in and love jail…that’s why these shoes are racist. Which is ironic, because the entire argument rests on two racist assumptions. Nice one Whitlock. This dude wants you to know white people end up in shackles too.

I personally don’t think these are racist. I actually hate the way twitter can shut down something before it even gets off the ground. If people get loud enough, fast enough, these companies just want to get out of the way before people get out of control.

By the way, before you get offended by these shoes, have you seen the other joints Jeremy Scott created? You want to see some offensive shoes. Check these:

Plush all the way through. I think these are misogynistic.

Or these:

I find these facking turrible. That is offensive as hell.

Finally, if you want to get all Whitlock with it, these:

On the Whitlock scale these are the most racist shoes ever made. Once you assume black people like sneakers and you assume any reference to a Gorilla is a racist jab against black people, these are horrible. They only come in black!

So Adidas decided to back down and stop making the shoes. You know what that means sneaker heads.

Ultra Rare Shoes! These joints will be going to 8 grand a pair on ebay before the week is out. Well done Twitter, you just made a pair of “racist” shoes hotter than the Air Yeezy. I hope you’re happy with yourself.

-Brock

 

What’s Worse Than Rap Beef? R&B Singer Beef. WE HAVE THE DRAKE VS. CHRIS BROWN FIGHT TAPE!

I’m glad the East Coast – West Coast Beef ended. The secret of rappers is by the time they are actually successful they have real jobs, they are pretty responsible and they aren’t really willing to lose their lives over a few songs. After Biggie and Pac, pretty much everyone else decided they could keep it on the track instead of taking it to the streets. Hit em up is still one of the best songs ever though.

People forget Biggie was more smalls than biggie at one point. Then he got big.

Either way, the worst version of beef is going down right now. R&B beef. We covered a long time ago how R&B singers should never be on the same song. Now I’ve got to make a new rule that R&B singers are not allowed to fight each other. I usually like to set up Us Versus Them, but this just feels like Them Versus Them. It’s as uncomfortable as listening to R&B when you are in the car with your boy. There is nothing good about it. The night before last, I guess Drake was in the same club as Chris Brown.

Point of clarification…this smiley, friendly looking dude:

Was in the club with this pleasant, enthusiastic dancing cat:

Those two were in a club last night and I guess some stuff went down. Chris tried to send Drake some champagne. Drake  said I only drink Bahama Mamas, extra pineapple. Chris was all like “fack yo pineapple!” and some shit broke out.*

*(I don’t know if this actually happened, but whatever happened was sure to be as bitchy as what I just described)

Either way, it sounds like Chris Brown caught the short end of the stick…errrrr…champagne bottle. Because his bodyguard ended up in the hospital and Chris Brown tweeted out a picture of himself with a piece of his chin missing.

When did it become cool to send out pics after you got your ass whooped? What does Chris want to get out of this picture. You don’t get any street cred for getting your ass kicked by a Canadian with an Aaliyah tattoo.

I hope this doesn’t spill over too far. I can’t really handle hearing these two sing to each other all summer. You know what? There actually WAS one good R&B beef. R. Kelly vs. Mr Biggs. But unless one of the lyrics is “I think you better leave this plaaaaaace, ’cause I’m about to caaaaatch a caaaaaaase” it just isn’t worth it. Unless one of them is going to drag the other one into the salt flats and whoop the other ones ass until the can’t walk, it isn’t worth it.

If you aren’t going to hit me with the greatest exchange in R&B history it just isn’t worth it. Let this joint ride until at least until Mr. Biggs hits R. Kelly with that “Wait a minute!”.

The most pimpin line in there is “just because she sees me with her, doesn’t mean I’m sleepin with her.” Now THAT’S how you do R&B beef. Oh wait, that was all fake. Because there is no such thing as two singers anyone ACTUALLY wants to hear fight.

What? Wait a minute. One of the interns just came in with breaking news. We got our hands on the footage. That’s right, Us Versus Them has the footage from the fight. We drop exclusives! Check it.

Come on. The fight wasn’t going to be less bitchy than that. I’m almost 95% sure that’s exactly what the fight looked like.

I would have saved this punk ass fight for Man Up Monday, but I’ve got something much better for that. Have a great weekend Team Us. Happy Fathers Day to all the dads, strap up to all those who don’t want to be dads. Check you on Monday.

-Brock

 

Dear White People (And Gwyneth Paltrow) You CAN NOT Use The Word Nigga

I don’t know why this issue continues to come up. But apparently we need to cover this again. We can cut right to the chase. Dear White people, it is NEVER okay to use the word nigga. Nigger either for that matter. Hell I don’t usually use the word. I’ve just got to drop it so it hits you with that full effect. Gwyneth Paltrow either didn’t get the memo or got so high from being on stage with Jay-Z and Kanye doing Niggas in Paris IN PARIS eleven times and she temporarily went insane and sent out this tweet.

There are so many things wrong with this moment. Let’s break them down shall we?

Let’s get this out the way first. I don’t want to hear that nigga is right in the name of the song, so she should have a right to say it. I know exactly where they stop the song and whatever the song is called they actually only say nigga twice in the song up to that point. By contrast, they say fuck 6 times, shit 8 times, and bitch twice. You want a scapegoat song when you need an excuse to say nigga? Listen to this Body Work by Pusha T. I believe the total count is 49…mostly in the second verse.

Blame this epidemic on that joint, not Jay-Z and Kanye. Great song by the way.

So Gwyneth shouldn’t have done it, it was a horrible idea and there is nothing you can tell me that will make it okay. I’m going to tell you why.

REASON #1: Using the word Nigga is dangerous.

There are only a few reasons another person is allowed to kill you under the law. First, you break into their house. Second, you try to kill them or one of their loved ones. Third, they catch you fucking their wife/husband. Finally, calling a black person nigger. Under the fighting words doctrine, you can legally catch an ass whoopin. Look at that list, the rest of the items are right in the Ten Commandments. Thou Shall Not Steal. Thou Shall Not Kill. Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery. I feel like if they had let a Black dude get a book in the Bible, the book of Rodney would have slipped in Thou Shall Not Say Nigga. When the law says, fuck it you are on your own, turn back. The law can’t help you.

Heres the other problem with Gwyneth sending out her tweet. Some time immediately thereafter, she realized she fucked up and needed a way out. Solution number one should have been to apologize, but instead, she went the OTHER way. She tried to find the nearest black man to help her out with a nigga pass. Kanye and Jay, must have still been busy on stage, so she went for the next best thing. The Dream.

Really? Do you really think The Dream has enough street cred to just un-nigga a nigga situation? Just because he is wearing a big ass fitted hat AND stunna shades AND a fat gold chain AND has a suede and leather collar popped? Come on. Dream tried to pretend like he was tweeting from her account. He didn’t even try to issue her a nigga pass, he tried to use his own. That’s plagiarism. Fraud. Chicanery. In fact, lets just assume The Dream DID send the tweet from Gwyneth’s phone after she logged into her account. Let’s assume this is true. So the point is The Dream is using his blackness as verification of the situation. In that case, he also undermined his own credibility at the same time. If it was the Dream, and he is so thugged out he couldn’t help but to send out that text. What the hell is “tyty, beehigh”? If it was him, that becomes the most offensive thing in the tweet. What they hell does that mean Dream? Huh? You don’t know because you didn’t send that shit. Siddown.

Gwyneth, next time try to get a cosign from Samuel L. Jackson, Cornell West, a member of the Nation of Islam, someone. damn. Maybe Kanye would have helped you out.

Maybe not.

Look, I don’t just bring up problems without offering solutions. I’ve got something that will save White people for the rest of eternity. I can take this issue off the table immediately. Invented right here at Us Versus Them. Instead of nigga, just say nilla. It’s easy. Gwyneth was on stage. How hilarious would it be if she tweeted out “They’ve got Nillas in Paris too!” Instant classic. No one can ever get mad at you because a Nilla is a delicious little cookie. The reference is always hilarious. You can use it freely and it is never offensive. Feel free to refer people directly to me if anyone has any questions.

Just do it, trust me it will be wonderful for everyone. If you decide not to follow my advice…then you deserve this:

That never gets old.

-Brock

P.S. Gwyneth, just say you’re sorry. The word offends a lot of people. It’s wrapped up in a lot of shit. I’m not saying the rules about the use and the frequency by which Black people use the word makes any sense. I can’t even defend it. It’s silly, really, but thems the rules. Deal with it.

Stacks on Stacks: The Lottery Hits $640 MILLION

Awwwww Shit. Have you bought your tickets yet? I’m not really a lottery dude, but when the winner gets more than a half a BILLION, I got to get a few horses in that race.

You will know if I win because Us Versus Them is going to be all blinged out next week. The final four in March Madnass will be televised LIVE during the championship game on CBS on Monday. I’ll by a few blocks of commercials at halftime, invite the ladies down and count the votes live. Then I’m gonna go buy like 30% of the Dodgers from Magic Johnson, call up ARod to see what it is like to have half a billi coming in, then I’m gonna hit up Floyd Mayweather and find out what bank he goes to to get his stacks of cash.

Then I’m gonna find an old Six Flags in Jersey and turn it into UvT Land.  It will be like a strip club amusement park. You know how fun house mirrors bend to make it look like you have a crazy body? UvT Land is actually going to have real chicks with crazy curves. Liquor stands. UvTees for sale. It’s gonna be great.

Actually I’d probably invest it in a responsible way. I’d trick off some of it, but there is nothing wrong with sitting on half a billion. Hell, do you know what the taxes would be on that much money. I’m pretty sure lottery and gambling winnings are at like 30%, so the federal government is gonna win at least $180 Million tonight. Party over at the IRS this weekend.

You know what is crazy about lotteries? Why don’t you ever hear about these lottery winners becoming the leads of major businesses. No famous rich dude has ever had the story of “I won the lottery in 1988 and made some real estate investments and now I’m sitting on $2 Billion.

Seriously, when you catch a $165 Million windfall, you should really be able to make some stuff happen. Meanwhile the dude who wins this half billion will buy a big ass house three miles from the house he lives in now. He will build custom, complete with gold pipes and Italian Marble. His contractor will get rich as hell and it will take him 2 years to get the house built. During that time some “money manager” will help him with his money and stick him for $100 Million. He’s gonna invest in car washes in NW Arkansas and an alpaca farm in North Carolina. He will go on a cocaine binge and his wife will take half. By 2020 he will be broke and buying lottery tickets again. How the hell does that happen?

My bad Allen Iverson…I know, I know, it isn’t that hard to blow through a lot of cash. I know.

So good luck tonight everyone. Here’s a protip, don’t tell anyone you won until you have police protection and the money is wired into your account. I guarantee there are a bunch of jackers looking for a sucker who doesn’t know how to handle that much loot. Get an unlisted phone number and don’t go back to the address listed in the phone book. Good luck everyone.

-Brock

 

When is a Dack Post Not a Dack Post?

Since Mr. Jezus in the comments let me know I’ve apparently unintentionally launched “Dick Week” without knowing it, I’ll just keep rolling with the theme.

By the way, do you think Rick Santorum knows how much he looks like a dick when he makes that face? He can’t be reviewing tape after these debates, because he makes that face the entire time. It looks like his response to every political point is “I know you think what you’re saying is important, but I know the REAL truth and you’re wrong. It’s just my little secret with myself.”

But that wasn’t the kind of dick I was talking about. I’m talking about the most disturbing picture I’ve ever seen. And that’s saying a lot, because I’ve found some crazy pictures this week. Things can be “weird” disturbing. Where the image is so odd that it just makes your skin crawl.

Like this:

Which one is the real Drake? I don’t know. My guess is the dude in the second row in the white sweater.

Or there are things that will disturb you because they should be happy situations, but they went horribly wrong. When someone should be having the time of their life, but instead they find themselves in a situation that is too much for them to handle like this guy:

He still looks happy. But I’m not sure he knows what to do next. Her ability to hold the ceiling with her entire hand clearly demonstrates that this chick is the only female offspring of Andre the Giant. But how small is the dude? Hasn’t he figured out that it might be a good idea to lose the glasses? I think it would improve the experience for him.

But as disturbing as those last things were, this is WORSE. Seriously. It should be NSFW, but it isn’t. Only because of a technicality. Which I’m pretty sure is still NSFW, because if you have to explain as much as you would have to explain this picture, you probably are looking at the wrong stuff at work anyway. Seriously, on the UvT NSFW scale of 1-6 it swings from one side of the spectrum to literally off the chart immediately. I’ll explain after you’ve had the opportunity to see the pic.

SEE!

I’m sorry. It has an explanation built right in and it’s still awful. Most optical illusions are broken as soon as you know the secret. But this one is so crazy that you can bring it back at will. You literally have to keep reminding yourself it’s just a thumb.

Has a picture ever gone more wrong than this. It was the most innocent picture ever. A full on 1 on the UvT NSFW scale. Just some friends hanging out. It got a little silly when they both went to kiss him. Not my kind of funny, but I get it. Suddenly, the Bieber looking dude in the middle is smiling while he’s about to get tongued down by a dude and a half naked tranny. That’s not even a 6 on the scale, that is a 7…the image shouldn’t exist.

I wonder if the camera man fully appreciated the magic captured here. One step in either direction and this picture doesn’t happen.

So yeah, I’m sorry. I’d rather shorten the year to 51 weeks than have “Dick Week” here at Us Versus Them. It wasn’t my intent.

-Brock

 

Just in: ‘Cause this is Killlllller!!!!!!

Well, I don’t know how you feel about Conrad Murray.  I happen to think he’s at least half responsible for the death of The King of Pop.   As much as I missed MJ, what I am now in deep thought about is this Dr Conrad Murray character.    He just got sent straight to jail.  Possibility of 4 years.   He’s going to be sentenced on November 29th.  The judge could’ve let him chill at home for the next 3 weeks, hang out with family, pay off his bills for the next 4 years and get busy with any of the 5 ladies we were introduced to over the course of the trial (yikes).

The good Doctor clearly still had his pimp game tight though.

But naaaaah meng.   The judge, like almost all of us, grew up with Jacko.   No way the guy who killed the guy who made Billie Jean doesn’t go straight to jail immediately.   He knows that Conrad would do a bunch of interviews and make a documentary ala TI called the Last Days of Conrad Murray.   And that’s really what it would be…his last days.   He ain’t making it 4 years. There is not a prison in the world that half the inmates aren’t MJ fans.  Smart money says somebody offs him on the first day like Chad’s dad in Dave Chappelle’s Mad Real World

 

 

It’s a wrap for the good doctor.  THE worst thing that could happen to him though is if he ends up in this prison here…

 

 

Four years of living the video Thriller day in and day out, and they immediately replace the “woman” in the routine with the good doctor.    Sorry Doc, you made your bed, and Michael’s.   If you can survive the next 4 years, there’s a book with your name on it waiting for you.  I’ve already picked the cover.

 

Don’t drop the soap homay!

 

-Mike

Race Based Bake Sale: I’ll Have The Marble Cake

I’m sure you’ve heard this story by now. The Berkeley College Republicans at UC Berkeley came up with the brilliant idea to have a “Race Based Bake Sale”. No, it isn’t some sort of awesome marathon/food challenge like the incredible “Krispy Kreme Challenge” like they do down in Raleigh for the NC Children’s hospital. (That’s a 4 mile race with a stop in the middle to eat a dozen delicious Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Hilarity ensues.) Instead, the Berkeley College Republicans held a bake sale and wanted to get attention make a statement by setting the prices based on race. They were trying to prove that affirmative action efforts are not fair. That it isn’t equitable to sell they same thing when people have to pay different prices for them. Here’s how they did it.

That would be:

Native Americans $0.25

Black/African Americans $0.75

Latino/Hispanic $1.00

Asian/Asian American $1.50

White/Caucasian $2.00

$0.25 off for all Women

I guess I appreciate the sensitivity on the titles. They didn’t want to piss people off up front. Does it look racist? That was the point. The president of the college Republicans wanted to have something that was “inherently racist” because he wants to talk about how inherently racist affirmative action is. He believes “it is no more racist than giving an individual an advantage in college admissions based solely on their race (or) gender”. I get it. He thinks affirmative action is unfair. He wants to focus on the process and not the cause or the effect. He comes up with a stunt to get attention but he gets the analogy all wrong.

(side question…where did they find that brother to sit at the back sale table? Come on Bruh!)

If they wanted to get it right, here is what the pricing structure per cupcake should be:

Asian/Asian American $100

Latino/Hispanic $500

Black/African Americans $You aren’t allowed to buy cupcakes

Native Americans $If you have some cupcakes we would like you to give them too us.

White/Caucasian $Free CUPCAKES!  All you can eat.

Hot Women: Free Cupcakes for you too!

Not hot women: Do you really need a cupcake? Really?

See, the pricing structure above shows a lot about the mindset of the Berkeley College Republicans. They see affirmative action as something that costs them. They they have to work harder to get the same cupcake. That they have to pay a higher price to get the exact same cupcake. It makes it look like the road to a cupcake just gets easier and easier if you belong to certain racial groups. In reality, affirmative action is about giving someone who has never had a cupcake a chance to taste a cupcake. Finding a person who would become a master baker if they were just exposed to cupcakes. It is the hope that by letting someone get access to a cupcake, they would expand their world so that they might be able to get access to cupcakes for their children and their grandchildren.

You know what, let’s drop the metaphor, we’re talking about education. It isn’t easy for anyone. The opportunities are different and the effects are different in a way that hurts everyone. People can do great things when they get opportunities to learn.

In addition, how about the fact that I think it is racist to give other races access to sugar-loaded, carb-laden cupcakes at a lesser price? Here is the scene after the bake sale.

Sure, that looks like a “lay in” protest showing that a lot of people in the UC Berkeley were protesting against the Bake sale, but in reality it is just all the people going into diabetic shock because of all the cupcakes.

I know, I know it is a serious protest. I know the people running the table were there to educate and prove a very discreet point. Not mock the issue of race or trivialize the challenges that people face.

Wait a minute.

Two white girls just show up in hot pink indian headdress and they are good to go, huh? Let’s do the math. American Indian $0.25 with the female $0.25 discount. Free cupakes!

Sounds a lot more like the UvT pricing structure than the College Republican pricing structure doesn’t it?

Look. This isn’t the first time there have been racist baked goods. For instance:

Why do the brown cakes gotta be called “Ho Ho’s”? Huh? Where’s the protest for that?

I just want everyone to get along. Like I said above, I’ll take the marble cake.

No marble cake? Damn. Then I’m with Delonte West. You betta have my doughnuts.

-Brock

He Done Just Went Hamm! Hard As a M&thaf@ckin’ Midget!

Paul Hamm is an Olympic Hero. He won Silver in Gymnastics in Athens. Sure, he’s a man gymnast, but he’s an upstanding dude.

Paul went out to party last week and had a few too many. Like I said, he’s responsible so he got a cab ride home. I’ve never heard a great choice like that go bad but here it is. It is easy to get too drunk to drive. Paul Hamm got too drunk to ride. Now that is drunk. Hamm didn’t want to pay the $23 for his cab once he got home. So the driver called the cops. Before you watch, I’m gonna assume you realize the “do you know who I am card” wasn’t going to work so well for Paul Hamm.

They had about three different camera angles on that one. You know what I was waiting for. With all that camera work, how great would it have been to see that Olympic tase? I’m thinking it would have been appropriate right after he said “I’m gonna kill you guys”. I have to think that would have been right on time.

I bet he would have stuck the landing.

Now Hamm knows good and well he isn’t a full grown man. He might want to start easing back on those drinks at about 3. He’s too little to roll with 8 drinks. He lost his job as the Gymnastics coach at Ohio State. Do you know how much you have to drink to lose a job at Ohio State? I think binge drinking gets you 4 credits a semester there.

When you roll out this weekend…Don’t go Hamm.

-Brock