So here’s the deal. I probably should have written this a long time ago, but whoever is coming to read this, anyone who is still coming to check to see if I’ve written anything, is a REAL fan of Us Versus Them. So you deserve an explanation before it goes away. The first post on this blog went up in April of 2007 over 6 years ago. It started with me and my boy Lake slicing and dicing the world as we saw fit. It was fun as hell, we really built something. Man Up Monday, reviews of Sports, Politics, Reality Shows, Movies, TV, and of course the ladies.
Some of the best things I’ve ever written are still in the archives of this blog. I saw everything that happened in the world as something I could write about here on Us Versus Them. I was always waiting for someone to mess up so I had my Man Up Monday. Every great knockout was going to appear on the site. March Madnass might be one of the greatest things I ever invented.
So if things were so good, then what the hell happened? So for those who have been paying attention. I moved to LA two years ago. I moved because I didn’t want this to be a hobby anymore. I wanted to do this as my job for the rest of my life. So I left my job and started writing television scripts. I’ve been cranking them out for two years. I’ve been writing spec episodes of existing shows, I’ve been coming up with new shows, I’ve been creating material for YouTube and pitching for late night and sketch tv shows. I’m close to making it.
I’m so fucking close it hurts.
And that’s the problem. That’s the what’s going on. People work hard and for a long time to get to this point. Some people never make it to the big leagues and being this close I have to focus on getting to the top of this hill. I can’t mess around and accidentally screw this up. Not because I don’t love this blog. Not because I don’t want to keep cranking this out forever. Not because I don’t appreciate all the people who have ever clicked on this blog and laughed and especially the people who are still showing up to see if I somehow actually found the time to put up something new. But because I’ve come this far and I have to close it out.
Nothing has changed. Anthony Weiner was sending sexy texts to Sydney Leathers, a woman who clearly got her name from a Wu-Tang name generator. He thought it was a good idea to call himself Carlos Danger. Anthony Weiner said he couldn’t tell when someone might take his texts the wrong way but was sending texts that said “wow a jewish girl who sucks cock! this thing is ready to do damage.” According to my count that one line is sexual harassment, implies sexual assault, offends both Jewish girls who suck cock and exposes those who are apparently part of a stereotype where they don’t, people named Carlos, and his wife. The chick who he was sending texts to, IMMEDIATELY flipped on Weiner and banged out a sex tape. It was a set up the whole time. You deserve the long version of that post, complete with pictures. I just don’t have time to do it.
The other thing? I don’t even know if the version of the internet that UvT was made for still exists. With Twitter and all those buzzfeed lists, this site feels like the kind of site that doesn’t exist anymore. I didn’t want to write his “final” message because it would mean none of you would stick around and be here if I ever wanted to come back. If I ever got the time back. I was trying to make sure I would be able to see Jesus, Ian, Rosy F, G the Intern, Slick Jefferson and Triple B had to say about it. But I can’t fake it anymore, I’d rather take the blog out back and shoot it then just starve and strangle it to death. Of course, I my have already fucked up and done that anyway.
Here’s the good news. Hopefully you will see a show on TV very soon that sounds a lot like Us Versus Them (other than Guy Code, dammit).
Since I’m covering everything. I might as well cover it all. If there was a reason this post took so long to write, this is it. Brock Hardon is a character. I had to make him someone else because I had a job where I probably could have been fired for half the stuff I was saying. Because I needed the space to figure out how to do this. I needed a space to say whatever I wanted. So I created Brock. I always wondered what you would think. If you would feel betrayed. If you would get pissed or feel like everything was fake. Hopefully you don’t. If you do, fuck it. Just remember that you came back because you liked what you were reading. Realize it was always me in there, and all of it (most of it?) was entertaining. Long time readers know things changed. Brock changed because I changed. I didn’t want to be mean just because I was anonymous. I didn’t want to do anything that didn’t have value. I wanted to really work to make everything on here good because I wanted to actually get better at writing. Better at writing a joke. Better at seeing the world and having something to say about it. I think I got pretty good at it. So now I need to concentrate on things I wasn’t that good at. So you’re never going to see anything written by Brock Hardon. It will be written by Robb Chavis. Hopefully soon. I want to give you something Team Us can be proud of.
I want to bring this site back if I can. I’m not going to kill it, sell it, or get rid of the domain. Maybe when I’m better at the new thing I’m trying to do I’ll actually have time to come back here and write something. Until then, follow me on Twitter at @uvtblog and maybe I’ll be kicking stuff out there every once in a while and one day I’ll be pointing you toward something you can check out on your TV instead of your computer. You can follow me at @robbchavis on Twitter too. Why not?
So that’s it. That’s the deal. I love what I made here at Us Versus Them. I hope you did too. One last sign off for old times sake.