Kanye Claims He’s Yeezus. Is it the Work of the Devil?

Can Kanye drop one damn album without people claiming he’s the devil incarnate? I mean damn, can’t a brother call himself Yeezus without a backlash?

yeezus-jhLook, I’m not too tight with my bible work, but I’m pretty sure this may or may not be a violation of at least two of the ten commandments. He also drops a track called “I am God (featuring God)” I’m not sure how many other people can get God on the track, but I listened to it, and Kanye didn’t even let God drop a hot 16.  But you know I’ve got to get to the bottom of this controversy, so we had to talk to the devil himself.

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UvT: I hear you got a new album coming out. We’re talking blasphemy, graven images, Illuminati all of that.

Devil: You think I’m gonna drop a new album and it’s only going to be ten tracks? Yeezus is like 40 minutes. Let me tell you something. If I drop a new album it isn’t going to be a glorified EP. Cloud Atlas ran for like 3 hours. You think my album is going to be shorter than an episode of Law and Order?

UvT: So you’re saying you didn’t make the album?

D: The album just dropped. I don’t even know if people like it yet. If I get a Grammy nomination, maybe we’ll talk.

UvT: What about Kim and Kanye’s baby. You got anything to do with that?

D: All I’m going to say is this. If you find out Kim gave the baby booty implants to cover up her secret, that was my work.

baby implants

D: I might have already said too much.

UvT: Fine. I see you aren’t really going to give me any info.

D: Look man. Did you hear that production? If I dropped an album, I’d have Timbaland on that joint. Pharrell, Swizz Beatz. All those cats.

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UvT: So you’re saying you did the new Jay-Z album? Is that you on the right?

D: No.

UvT: Looks like you…

D: Fine. The album….no. That deal with Samsung to try to get people to buy phones to get a Jay-Z album three days early, I’ll go ahead and say that was my idea. That and Timbaland getting fat again. He was getting cocky. No more tank tops for that dude.

UvT: I have just one more question, do you have anything to do with Danny Green hitting all those threes in the NBA Finals?

D: No comment.

There you have it folks. Check out the album and let me know what you think.

-Brock

Comments

  1. Jimmer Fredette says:

    Its dismissive to casually label somebody as crazy. its an overgeneralized reference that rarely points to any issue with any level of specificity; however, sometimes it encompasses every issue simultaneously. Case directly in point; this nigga Kanye west is crazy. I think crazy is the sum of kanye’s parts though. Like, son had some egomaniacal issues when everything was good. But when his mom passed as a result of a tummy tuck, breast reduction and liposuction that he more than likely financed, I’m sure he developed a cornucopia of additional issues.
    These issues left untreated lead to crazy behavior which gives way to flat out craziness. Stuff like, calling out presidents during telethons, interupting lilly white girls accepting awards while drunk off hendog, creating and dating a superstar jumpoff in Amber rose, seeding and wifing a known slut machine that was recently tapped out on camera by cornball extraordinaire ray j. This is all flat out craziness.

    The Jay-z “deal” still confuses me. So he struck a deal in which Samsung purchased 1Million cds for $5 each essentially making this album platinum a month before its release (which is like the polar opposite of a leak), in order to give it away to 1million samsung phone owners 3 days before it’s release date in an attempt to promote a phone?
    I’m assuming anybody who cares about jay-z’s music would have purchased this album regardless and for at least $9.99. Also, this doesn’t really address piracy as I’m almost positive this album will be available for free online and in your local barbershop the day of its Samsung release date if not a few days before. While Jay is making 5mil before selling to one consumer, he is essentially losing 5mil that he would have made at normal retail rates (not counting any production/shipping costs). The only way this makes sense is if Samsung hit him off with some MAJOR figures for some sort of exclusivity and in addition paid $5 mill to include the album with a phone (Which I dont even know the name of by the way, for the sake of reference I’ve just been calling it not-an-iphone). But what do I know? maybe I’M crazy…

    • @Jimmer I like your pop psychology. I too think his mother dying so suddenly from elective surgery sent him in a bad place. Grief is a motherf*cker at least he ain’t doing any hard drugs that we know off so that’s a positive. Now the cherry on top is naming your kid North. Yeezuz, please.

      • Jimmer Fredette says:

        I think some hard drugs are definitely in the picture somewhere. No artist this conflicted makes this many strange choices with a clear and sober mind. And now he has already equipped his new baby with a name that will ensure that he grows up to be easily agitated and cynical. There is widely accessible footage of his mom going to town with somebody that is not his dad, his dad has made blasphemy a second career and amased a body of work that north will definitely be charged with providing answers for, and he has to deal with everybody saying “Wait, so your name is…”

        • North is a girl but I’d guess your analysis of cynical and agitated stands. Those teen years will be rough.

          • Jimmer Fredette says:

            Wow, I had no idea north was a girl. jeez, yeah those teen years will be the stuff of legend.

    • neither one of these rappers are worth 2 cents.

  2. Mr. Jezus says:

    Fuck this asshole.

    Yeezus? Yeezus! Are you fucking kidding me?

    Satan told you some 1/2 truths there man. Tryung to take credit for my shit again. No surprise really.

    Jay got an album coming out a month after Ye. He steals Ye’s thunder 2 days before release during the NBA Finals (Bron is going to get that 2nd ring. I been told him to lose that headband. We all know you got that Rihanna forehead. Let it breathe)

    Guest appearance from Pop? Nah man….the old man is straight up country these days. Been listening to George Strait’s shit for about 18 months now.

    Fuck Kanye….and that ugly ass baby he just had.

  3. You have got to be kidding. Yeesuz?? You are more like yevil for Devil. And for someone that hates white people, which you have made completely obvious, why did you have a baby with someone who is not Black? Go back to wherever you came from. You are disgusting and will rot in hell.

  4. oh and by the way. Why is Jayz held in such high esteem???He’s a friggin rapper who sounds completly prejudiced and uneducated. Wow. If these people are our heroes, we are all in trouble.

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