There are some times when this site just isn’t about jokes. Sometimes I just have to step up and address things that go way too far. Things that are completely unacceptable. This is one of those stories.
Meet Judy Viger. She threw her son a 16th birthday party at the Spare Time bowling alley in upstate New York. Spare Time, that’s so clever. No problems so far, but then she got busted for child endangerment because she also hired strippers to show up and make the night special.
Nice, mom. Very nice. You know what, people are looking down at Judy for this decision, but let’s be fair. She’s a 33 year old mom. If my math is correct, she basically spent her 16th birthday getting pregnant. So, in comparison, stripper party doesn’t seem so unreasonable after that.
I know what you’re all thinking. Brock, are you saying she shouldn’t have hired strippers for her son? That sounds like the world’s greatest birthday party. Well it wasn’t. Not at all. First of all, part of the problem is you’re thinking the party looked like this:
But you’re wrong. The party didn’t look anything like that. That’s just bikini bowling and I don’t think it would have gotten anyone locked up. Second, she didn’t clear it with the other parents. If I send my kid to a bowling party I don’t expect him to end up with his face buried between the butt cheeks of Albany’s finest. That’s not a euphemism, that actually happened.
Here’s where we start talking about violations. This is where Judy Viger is way out of line. Poor kid really is getting taken advantage of here. Where were the responsible adults? Where was the person who is supposed to be letting this kid know that although an amateur may think he’s working with the business end of the stripper here, he’s actually in the “no fly zone”. How dare this woman expose these kids to strippers under this kind of bright lighting? Is she trying to ruin the illusion forever? It’s horrible to let someone know that strippers are beautiful only under a very specific set of circumstances. These kids can’t even drink for god’s sake. Sober strippers? This is a damn travesty. What music was playing? Was there the prospect of going back to the Champagne room to overpay for the EXACT SAME EXPERIENCE?
If not, then that’s not the true stripper experience my friends. These young boys may have been robbed of that forever.
So don’t mourn for Judy Viger. She messed up here. Mourn for these boys who may never believe a woman working in a warehouse, dressed in a bikini is the most beautiful woman they’ve ever seen. Or that a woman who came to work that night knowing she was going to change into 7 different outfits just to immediately take them back off again found true love when they walked into the door. Or thinking that dishing out $20 every 4 minutes to have a woman dance roughly in your vicinity with her boobs out is a good monetary investment. These boys will never have those experiences. We all must stay vigilant to ensure these crimes never happen again.
May these blurry pictures remind us of our collective duty.