UvT Awards: Man Up of the Year

There is so much to choose from for the Man Up of the year. Andrew Bynum has rocked terrible hair for months and has yet to step on a basketball court. There was the dude who paid $780,000 for a girl’s virginity. Manny Pacquaio got knocked the fack out. In fact, let’s go back to that:

I never really noticed the way that left leg kicked up before. That punch ended that fight quickly, and damn near ended this post.

I’m also going to let you know that everyone who was considered for Man of the Year was also considered for Man Up of the Year. I couldn’t tell if some moves people made were the best moves ever or the worst moves ever. Sometimes you might be the best, manliest dude out there by going for the crazy shit. There were several close calls.

But there is only one dude who can win Man Up of the Year this year…he benefits from the late counting of votes from the captain of Team Us this year. To be fair, he perpetrated all relevant actions during calendar year 2012.

Man Up of the Year goes to Ronaiah Tuiasosopo. The dude who tricked Manti Te’o and became the voice of Lennay Kekua. The first part of the Man Up goes to the media on this one though. Because when they started to suspect that Ronaiah was the dude, they were telling us he looked like this:

But when he showed up on Dr. Phil, he looked like this:

I mean was this dude in an underground bunker with all those stockpiled Twinkies everyone went out and bought? No one knew the picture being used was from, what I’m hoping, was 5 or 6 years ago. This doesn’t even look like the same dude. There is nothing on this that looks like the same guy other than that tight line up he has on that fade. He might love Manti Te’o, but he also clearly loves snacks.

The weirdest part was he was able to authenticate himself as the girl’s voice. That big ass grown man was able to grab a flip phone and sound exactly like a 17 year old girl. Convincing as hell too.

Who does any of this? With all the things that have been said about this. Katie Couric. Dr. Phil. ESPN a billion times over. I still don’t know what happened and no one knows why. If anyone has the answer to that question, you will be the front runner for the next Man of the Year award.

I was going to go with Manti Te’o himself as the winner of the Man Up Award, but now that his fake girlfriend is actually alive and we know more about her, even I have to admit.

His fake dead girlfriend is pretty hot. If she was twitter hitting on me and there was a dude faking her voice and she got diagnosed with cancer and died on the same day as my grandma and that dude asked me to send him white roses from beyond the grave and I’m pretty sure that dude kept those dozen white roses and then tried to call me back and say he (or was it she) faked her own death to avoid drug dealers, she’s still a 1 on ye’ olde binary scale as far as I’m concerned.

I think I got lost in the matrix somewhere in there. She’s pretty hot is all I needed to say.

So the Man Up of the Year award goes to both the slim and big versions of Ronaiah Tuiasosopo. Congrats, you’re #TeamThem for life.

-Brock