What’s Worse Than Rap Beef? R&B Singer Beef. WE HAVE THE DRAKE VS. CHRIS BROWN FIGHT TAPE!

I’m glad the East Coast – West Coast Beef ended. The secret of rappers is by the time they are actually successful they have real jobs, they are pretty responsible and they aren’t really willing to lose their lives over a few songs. After Biggie and Pac, pretty much everyone else decided they could keep it on the track instead of taking it to the streets. Hit em up is still one of the best songs ever though.

People forget Biggie was more smalls than biggie at one point. Then he got big.

Either way, the worst version of beef is going down right now. R&B beef. We covered a long time ago how R&B singers should never be on the same song. Now I’ve got to make a new rule that R&B singers are not allowed to fight each other. I usually like to set up Us Versus Them, but this just feels like Them Versus Them. It’s as uncomfortable as listening to R&B when you are in the car with your boy. There is nothing good about it. The night before last, I guess Drake was in the same club as Chris Brown.

Point of clarification…this smiley, friendly looking dude:

Was in the club with this pleasant, enthusiastic dancing cat:

Those two were in a club last night and I guess some stuff went down. Chris tried to send Drake some champagne. Drake  said I only drink Bahama Mamas, extra pineapple. Chris was all like “fack yo pineapple!” and some shit broke out.*

*(I don’t know if this actually happened, but whatever happened was sure to be as bitchy as what I just described)

Either way, it sounds like Chris Brown caught the short end of the stick…errrrr…champagne bottle. Because his bodyguard ended up in the hospital and Chris Brown tweeted out a picture of himself with a piece of his chin missing.

When did it become cool to send out pics after you got your ass whooped? What does Chris want to get out of this picture. You don’t get any street cred for getting your ass kicked by a Canadian with an Aaliyah tattoo.

I hope this doesn’t spill over too far. I can’t really handle hearing these two sing to each other all summer. You know what? There actually WAS one good R&B beef. R. Kelly vs. Mr Biggs. But unless one of the lyrics is “I think you better leave this plaaaaaace, ’cause I’m about to caaaaatch a caaaaaaase” it just isn’t worth it. Unless one of them is going to drag the other one into the salt flats and whoop the other ones ass until the can’t walk, it isn’t worth it.

If you aren’t going to hit me with the greatest exchange in R&B history it just isn’t worth it. Let this joint ride until at least until Mr. Biggs hits R. Kelly with that “Wait a minute!”.

The most pimpin line in there is “just because she sees me with her, doesn’t mean I’m sleepin with her.” Now THAT’S how you do R&B beef. Oh wait, that was all fake. Because there is no such thing as two singers anyone ACTUALLY wants to hear fight.

What? Wait a minute. One of the interns just came in with breaking news. We got our hands on the footage. That’s right, Us Versus Them has the footage from the fight. We drop exclusives! Check it.

Come on. The fight wasn’t going to be less bitchy than that. I’m almost 95% sure that’s exactly what the fight looked like.

I would have saved this punk ass fight for Man Up Monday, but I’ve got something much better for that. Have a great weekend Team Us. Happy Fathers Day to all the dads, strap up to all those who don’t want to be dads. Check you on Monday.

-Brock