Part 1 of the top 10 Reasons Men Don’t Want to get Married kicked off some great comments last week. If you missed it, you can read it HERE. Here is part 2. We already covered reasons 10-7, here are the top 6.
6. Dudes Have A Friend Who Is Constantly Telling Them About Their Wild Sex Escapades
Every guy has a friend who has the wildest sex stories of all time. Every time the go to Vegas they end up in the Playboy Suite at the Palms with two strippers who really liked them for who they are, not just selling them the dream like they do to every other dude in the strip club, and end up having a threesome in a hot tub filled with chocolate baby oil and they didn’t have to pay for anything. In fact, both chicks now travel back to where he lives for sex weekends. Guys hear that, and even though they’ve never had enough game for anything remotely related to that experience happen at any time in their life, ever, they believe by getting married they are now giving up the possibility of their chocolate baby oil threesome. Even if there is only a 1% chance of it ever happening, they don’t want to cut off that possibility.
I got an email like this last week. It wasn’t a chocolate filled hot tub, but it involved boobs, the Superbowl and what I believe to be a frittata.
5. Men Are Creatures of Habit
Guys like routines. By the time we get out of college, we have created a world where we get to do the things we like when we like to. Marriage sounds like a lot of change. We’re gonna have to get rid of our super comfortable futon and actually think about someone else before we do things? Nah. An object in motion tends to stay in motion.
And by “in motion” I mean sitting on this couch playing this Halo.
“Hey….ummm babe, I can’t see, can you slide to the right, like two steps? Thanks.”
4. Men Don’t Want To Create A Situation That Can Go So Badly
Before we get to the Big 3, this next one is what happens when you combine all of the issues listed above. When a guy doesn’t like change and he feels like he is giving up all sorts of things, including things he doesn’t even have that he thinks he really wants, for the possibility of putting himself in a position where he could be potentially miserable. He’s probably not signing up for that. Everything is telling him no.
There is only one thing that is pointing him toward being married and no man ever talks about it. You want to know what it is?
3. Guys Want the Fairy Tale Too
I don’t know if a man has ever uttered this line out loud, but it’s true.
All of the things women talk about; the butterflies in your stomach, excitement, being with someone who feels special and different from every women he’s ever been with before, someone who is pretty, smart, funny, easy to be around, and makes them feel like they can’t live without that person, kids, a happy family. Guys want that too. We don’t get it when we find that person and we still want to have sex with some random chick who walks by in the mall. That shit is hard to reconcile. Because we are trying as hard as possible to make it WORK.
Maybe this isn’t the perfect woman if that woman over there looks perfect too. As I said in the friend zone post, and I’ll break down in my future post on sex, men are constantly motivated by sex. Getting married changes a fundamental piece of the male mentality. Fundamental. That shit ain’t easy.
2. The Penalty For a Failed Marriage Is The Most Destructive, Punitive Experience Ever
Do you know how terrible it sounds to lose half your stuff? To have to take care of your kids by writing a check for thousands of dollars every month? Divorce sounds like nuclear armageddon to most dudes. Look at Tiger Woods. He clearly wasn’t ready to get married. He didn’t have to get married. But he got married because he found someone he loved and I’m sure it felt like the right thing to do, then he messed up and suddenly his ex-nanny/ex-wife is so rich she is ripping down $12 million mansions just to build another bigger mansion. Compare that to Derek Jeter, who probably has half of Tigers chicks in his cell phone contacts. He does all the same things Tiger does, and as an added bonus gets to keep all his shit.
Chris Rock knows what a man is accustomed to:
1. Guys Can’t Bear the Thought Of Having Sex With One Woman Forever
You want to know what is the only thing a man likes better than the sex he’s having? Sex he might have. Potential sex, no matter how remote. Do you know how many problems are based on men who wanted to have sex with women they aren’t married to? They might get divorced. They might pull a Newt Gingrich and ask for an open marriage. If they do it too much they might have to go to rehab as a sex addict. This is the one thing men can’t get past. Don’t get me wrong, he will get past it, men will try their hardest to get past it. Lots of dudes make it. But it is one of the hardest things a man undertakes in his entire life.
Let me keep my reply brief so as to avoid any kinda self-incrimination. #2-6 are spot on, as my my British niccas would say. And for #1, once again I gotz to plead da fif ; 1,2,3,4, fifffff!!! {http://bit.ly/e4r6Xd}, lol.
Brock dropped a lot uh nahledge. Kinda aprupoe ‘siderin Valentine’z Day 2morrow. Got me all nervis and shit.
@Itz
u a smart nicolas takin dat fif, dog.
Happy VD. Spred it around, y’all.
Well done Brock lol.
@Ol Bert did you just wish us a happy venereal disease or is that just my crazy thinking…ha.
@Mr. M and other worried about alimony…
Please. First of all many men who worry about alimony ain’t got money like that in the first place. Yes we all know a man paying a lot in child support, but we all know a woman who is not getting any support from father of a child despite court order. Now there is a set formula for people earning up to a certain amount. Rich people are in a different tier so stop worrying about Kobe’s “plight”. In a divorce (or out of wedlock) you will (and should) pay child support. The formula applies to favor whoever has the kid full time in the primary home aka custodial parent. The govt doesn’t want to support your kid they want you to do it. Yes your ex will benefit from the money you give over to kid by virtue of being able to use it for rent and food but so what. It’s your damn kid and why should child have less so that you can begrudge spouse. If you don’t want to pay as much get joint custody be custodial parent.
As for alimony, it depends on how long you were married and what set up you had and whether the person can show they supported you and your career and have limited means to support themselves now. And if you do have it like that to worry about asset split get a pre nup!
@Itz I hear ya on pleading the fif. Remember when it comes to commitment v. new p*ssy
new p*ssy ain’t gonna take care of you’re when sick, new p*ssy can’t cook…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjPBMAmNH14
oops forgot link…1:30 mark..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjPBMAmNH14
I am going to go against my nature here & do a fellow UvT’er a solid.
@ Itz
Listen homie, I am going to splain somethings for you that maybe your ol’lady can understand and it will keep some of the heat off of you.
@ Not Mrs. Itz
I have been reading UvT for a while now and over the years a few things have came to my attention. As best as I can tell, Itz is black. Now I am not sure what color you happen to be, but having known black dudes for a long time myself I feel compelled to splain something that maybe you are missing. Apparently Itz has a job…..like one that pays taxes. I think he also said something about having a lil Itz with you. That means he plans on admitting Itz his and by all accounts I think he plans on being involved in the kids life some how. I can’t expalin how rare these two things are. In all my travels, I only know of 1 nicca who has those three traits…..1. Please trust me when I say, I know my fair share if black folk. You have basically hit the Nicca Lottree right here.
Just trying to help out two love birds………..hope that works!
Ite, on to the post. Less see what we have here…
#6 Wild Sex Friend
This is real. We all have some friend who doesn’t chase p*ssy, it finds him. And this line right here “Even if there is only a 1% chance of it ever happening, they don’t want to cut off that possibility” As real as it gets right there.
#5
This is true to a certain degree. Because we all know that men will do, change, say whatever it takes to get them goodies. So if the sex is right, and frequent, men will change shit they really don’t want to. Don’t believe me? Ladies I am going to give you the absolute most important tip to get your man to do whatever you want…….fack him good, often, and in random places. I CANNOT stress the importance of this. Your relaitonship will go to heights you have only heard about.
#4
Another truth, but I don’t really have much to say on it. I mean, like I said in up in #5, if you are laying it down right and often, he will commit.
#3
Batting 1.000 so far. We do want the fairy tale. The real issue I think is we don’t understand how much work it takes to have it.
#2
This is a real issue for fellas. Chris is keeping it skrait 100 right there. He drops some more knowledge too right here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPesKyIhGZg
I think we as men know this going in too. Not sure if you ladies understand our side of it though.
#1
“You want to know what is the only thing a man likes better than the sex he’s having? Sex he might have. ”
That is a classic line right there. We finish smanging…..ladies want to cuddle, we are thinking about how we wanna change some angles for the next time we hit.
@ Rosy
That alimony statement goes back to Chris’s video. A man with millions can afford to lose it, because the odds are he knows how to make more. But if a nilla is a thousandaire, shit is gonna get ugly come divorce time.
Refer to part 1 to read 6-10
5. Did he really have his feet out in that pic above?…..so yeah ladies if his feet out hell naw
4. Why all of a sudden take a pay DECREASE? Listen single may be more expensive in the short run but Vegas, LA and Miami have hella benefits that can be washed off or antibioticized. So dont get discouRAGEed. That long term dolla leaves us to the top three…
3. Why die and leave your dough so she can now take care of her bad kidz and this dude with your money. Instead you can have money to blow, have chicks out of your league kinda consider your league. Apply for early draft entry all kinda stuff
2. Aint no P%$#Y like new….and if she bad azz hell that goes into the bonus category because it equates to the countless stories and braggin rights it gives you. Instant playa credibility
1. SH!T wife just got home
@Jezus
I like how you tried to help me out wit da wifey by hating on every other nicca. Niccas should get together and whoop your ass, lol.
Juss putting out real numbers. I only know one Huxtable, das it. Hell those niccas are so rare they don’t have them on TV. Go head name one, I’ll wait……….
Now you might have just came up with one, but you had to do some serious thinking.
@Jezus are you f*cking for real. I don’t know what type of trifling ass maury povich/jerry springer fools you hang out with but you are worse than team them…wtf.
I know you were in the military which is fairly diverse so I find it hard to believe you could have only come across one black man handling his business. Real numbers..please.
And if you make $30k you will probably not be on the hook for alimony unless your ass thought you were ballin’ and wife did not work on that salary and you had kids so therefore would be hard for her to get in work force and do much herself. No matter what though you will always have an obligation to pay child support and you should since your damn kid.
You give the guy one little award and he feels empowered to write a fucking novel in the comments section that are longer than Brock’s original post.
@ Rosy
HA!
I just ran through my FaceBook friends list. I spose I could use a few more black friends. Also, I wasn’t saying my black friends were trifling, none of them have 4 kids they aren’t taking care of. They all….well a few have real jobs and pay taxes, but only 1 is doing all three. So that’s real numbers.
@ Ian
Stay tuned, I might do it again.
@Jezus I can think a few reasons why you don’t have more black friends.
@ Rosy
HA!
C’Mon…..I am not that bad.
The bottom line on this whole post are men fear loss. We fear losing control of our lives to unreal women. These women nowadays are molding themselves after Kardasj\hians, housewives of wherever, r & b songs, etc… Women don’t have dedication like they used to like grandpa & grandmama. You marry a chick now and she looking to mash the divorce button like George Bush did Iraq. Who the f*&^ wants to go through that? The woman can marry the dude, divirce the dude and still have him paying for everything!
Not to mention, it is really impossibel to be with one woman for the rest of your life! Any cat that says he can do it is lying. A woman has a better shot at the one man for life, but really, i dnt think that is possible either! If a woman decides to set the pu pu out, the pupu will get touched. On either side, whether the wife is doing it or a misc. is propositionin the husband. Its gonna happen over the course of a relationship. The reason being, a marriage needs space in order to be successful. You can’t be up under each other all day and night. Also, you can’t micro manage your chick otherwise she will feel trapped and start to despise you, pushing her to a cat like me who is all fun, and will tear the pupu down!
Therefore why get married! I say f*(^ that! Keep it real and just keep friends, be more like AC Green, get married around 45 when you are ready to stay @ home!
@ Jezus
You really are drinking your own kool-aid? Do you realize how small and tragic your world must be that you do not know a black man who takes care of his kids, works, and pays taxes simultaneously? If I didn’t know any better I would swear you were one of those dudes who convinced himself that it was “your” fantasy to watch your girl get banged by a black man while she talked trash to you about your shortcomings and now has no need for anything Team Jezus is bringing. Do you need a hug? Don’t hate the playa, hate the game.
@ Cicely
I own know how my rambling jokes got you thinking I want to watch a black fella working out the goods of Mrs. Jezus but uhhhh…..ite. Oh and my world is pretty big actually. Look around you, all that shit is mines. I am pretty sure my black friends will get married sooner or later, have kids and take care of them. I don’t hang with douche bags who contribute 0% to society.
This was a nice 2 parter Brock. Gambeezy3000 hit it right, no fault divorce makes it possible for women to do whatever and the man pays regardless. I have no arguments with the 10 reasons, but I’d swap #1 and #2.
I got 2 uncles f*cked in divorce court. I got 3 friends who got divorced after 2-3 years of marriage, and half of everything they had built & saved was torn from them, plus the bitches’ college loans were held against them. If a sweet, pretty girl is servicing your needs at every request and even spontaneously, you won’t give a shit for a taste elsewhere. Getting financially cleaved in half and possibly maintaining her lifestyle while she exposes your kids to God knows what fool she ‘dates’ just because she felt like divorcing is terrible.
Plus, if you’re real smart about it, you can still have ladies on the side and no one will know. It’s called pre-paid cell phones, Tiger.