Part 1 of the top 10 Reasons Men Don’t Want to get Married kicked off some great comments last week. If you missed it, you can read it HERE. Here is part 2. We already covered reasons 10-7, here are the top 6.
6. Dudes Have A Friend Who Is Constantly Telling Them About Their Wild Sex Escapades
Every guy has a friend who has the wildest sex stories of all time. Every time the go to Vegas they end up in the Playboy Suite at the Palms with two strippers who really liked them for who they are, not just selling them the dream like they do to every other dude in the strip club, and end up having a threesome in a hot tub filled with chocolate baby oil and they didn’t have to pay for anything. In fact, both chicks now travel back to where he lives for sex weekends. Guys hear that, and even though they’ve never had enough game for anything remotely related to that experience happen at any time in their life, ever, they believe by getting married they are now giving up the possibility of their chocolate baby oil threesome. Even if there is only a 1% chance of it ever happening, they don’t want to cut off that possibility.
I got an email like this last week. It wasn’t a chocolate filled hot tub, but it involved boobs, the Superbowl and what I believe to be a frittata.
5. Men Are Creatures of Habit
Guys like routines. By the time we get out of college, we have created a world where we get to do the things we like when we like to. Marriage sounds like a lot of change. We’re gonna have to get rid of our super comfortable futon and actually think about someone else before we do things? Nah. An object in motion tends to stay in motion.
And by “in motion” I mean sitting on this couch playing this Halo.
“Hey….ummm babe, I can’t see, can you slide to the right, like two steps? Thanks.”
4. Men Don’t Want To Create A Situation That Can Go So Badly
Before we get to the Big 3, this next one is what happens when you combine all of the issues listed above. When a guy doesn’t like change and he feels like he is giving up all sorts of things, including things he doesn’t even have that he thinks he really wants, for the possibility of putting himself in a position where he could be potentially miserable. He’s probably not signing up for that. Everything is telling him no.
There is only one thing that is pointing him toward being married and no man ever talks about it. You want to know what it is?
3. Guys Want the Fairy Tale Too
I don’t know if a man has ever uttered this line out loud, but it’s true.
All of the things women talk about; the butterflies in your stomach, excitement, being with someone who feels special and different from every women he’s ever been with before, someone who is pretty, smart, funny, easy to be around, and makes them feel like they can’t live without that person, kids, a happy family. Guys want that too. We don’t get it when we find that person and we still want to have sex with some random chick who walks by in the mall. That shit is hard to reconcile. Because we are trying as hard as possible to make it WORK.
Maybe this isn’t the perfect woman if that woman over there looks perfect too. As I said in the friend zone post, and I’ll break down in my future post on sex, men are constantly motivated by sex. Getting married changes a fundamental piece of the male mentality. Fundamental. That shit ain’t easy.
2. The Penalty For a Failed Marriage Is The Most Destructive, Punitive Experience Ever
Do you know how terrible it sounds to lose half your stuff? To have to take care of your kids by writing a check for thousands of dollars every month? Divorce sounds like nuclear armageddon to most dudes. Look at Tiger Woods. He clearly wasn’t ready to get married. He didn’t have to get married. But he got married because he found someone he loved and I’m sure it felt like the right thing to do, then he messed up and suddenly his ex-nanny/ex-wife is so rich she is ripping down $12 million mansions just to build another bigger mansion. Compare that to Derek Jeter, who probably has half of Tigers chicks in his cell phone contacts. He does all the same things Tiger does, and as an added bonus gets to keep all his shit.
Chris Rock knows what a man is accustomed to:
1. Guys Can’t Bear the Thought Of Having Sex With One Woman Forever
You want to know what is the only thing a man likes better than the sex he’s having? Sex he might have. Potential sex, no matter how remote. Do you know how many problems are based on men who wanted to have sex with women they aren’t married to? They might get divorced. They might pull a Newt Gingrich and ask for an open marriage. If they do it too much they might have to go to rehab as a sex addict. This is the one thing men can’t get past. Don’t get me wrong, he will get past it, men will try their hardest to get past it. Lots of dudes make it. But it is one of the hardest things a man undertakes in his entire life.